A man went to hospital to have his foot amputated. When he woke up the doctor was at the side of his bed. The doctor told him he had good news and bad. The man said "tell me the bad news first". The doctor told him he had cut off the wrong foot and that he would have to operate again the next day. The man was fuming and asked what could possibly be good news under these circumstances. The doctor replied "the man in the next bed has offered to buy your slippers."
A woman wants badly to rekindle the "spark" in her marraige when a friend suggests she go to the local lingerie store and purchase something sexy to wear for her husband. After a bit of shopping, the woman decides on a pair of crotchless underwear. She goes home, puts them on and spreads herself across the bed to lie in waiting for her husband to come home. Upon his arrival, he comes upstairs, enters the bedroom and hears..."C'mon over baby. I know you want some of this." The man replies, "Heck no! Look what it did to your panties!"
in the waiting room for the dead, many were waiting to be judged when two women see each other across the room,...
"barb!,.. my god its you"
"hey cheryl,.. yea its me,.. imagine meetin you here, and on the same day no less"
"this is soo bizar,... good grief barb, what are you doing here?"
"this may come as a shock cheryl,... but we're dead,... thats how we get here"
"oh silly,... i mean, what happened?"
"i froze to death,... not so bad realy, once you get past the stabbing pains in your extremities and the convulsive shaking,... at the end a calm warm feeling settles over you and you just drift off to sleep"
"thats terible,... i died of massive heart attack."
"at your age?"
"yea,... i was sure tom was cheating on me so i came home early hoping to catch him,.... i found him watching the game in his chair,... but i was sure he was cheating and the hussy was just hiding,... so i tore up the house looking for her,... he laughed at me as a looked every where,.... in the panick driven angry episode,.... it was just more than my heart could take i guess."
"thats too bad,.... if you had looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive"
This is not actually a joke but something that actually happened. A girl known for her impeccable spelling texted me just as it turned 2012:
"Hapi new year 2010."
One minute later I got another text:
"Sori for spelling error. No, I am not drunk. Hapi new yr."
I'm still wondering if she was drunk.
by Liz Elias 2 years ago
I'll start it off:Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. .... .... .... shhh-bish..boom!
by Shealy Healy 8 years ago
I have been pondering lately the idea that God is energy. Now, of course God is energy. But, somehow lately I have begun to see this fact in a new way. I think all matter is a creation of God. So, why wouldn't I see God as an energy? Well, lately it seems there is a secret bit of God that is inside...
by Celeste Wilson 5 years ago
Have you noticed any random acts of kindness lately?I saw some coupons on a grocery store shelf and I thought, Wow, how nice is that?" Someone left them there and now I can use them. Have you done something like this or seen something like this?
by janesix 5 weeks ago
Has anyone noticed an increase in weird behavior lately? Maybe friends or family members who were normal starting to act weird and say weird things?I have noticed some small things with a couple family members, mentioning things like an increase in weird dreams, but nothing major.I've noticed it on...
by Ann810 23 months ago
What book have you been reading lately?Also what book have you read before that one, and what book will you read next?
by lilibees 6 years ago
What book have you read lately, or the last book you just finished?I just finished Under The Dome BY Stephen King two thumbs way up!
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