A man went to hospital to have his foot amputated. When he woke up the doctor was at the side of his bed. The doctor told him he had good news and bad. The man said "tell me the bad news first". The doctor told him he had cut off the wrong foot and that he would have to operate again the next day. The man was fuming and asked what could possibly be good news under these circumstances. The doctor replied "the man in the next bed has offered to buy your slippers."
A woman wants badly to rekindle the "spark" in her marraige when a friend suggests she go to the local lingerie store and purchase something sexy to wear for her husband. After a bit of shopping, the woman decides on a pair of crotchless underwear. She goes home, puts them on and spreads herself across the bed to lie in waiting for her husband to come home. Upon his arrival, he comes upstairs, enters the bedroom and hears..."C'mon over baby. I know you want some of this." The man replies, "Heck no! Look what it did to your panties!"
in the waiting room for the dead, many were waiting to be judged when two women see each other across the room,...
"barb!,.. my god its you"
"hey cheryl,.. yea its me,.. imagine meetin you here, and on the same day no less"
"this is soo bizar,... good grief barb, what are you doing here?"
"this may come as a shock cheryl,... but we're dead,... thats how we get here"
"oh silly,... i mean, what happened?"
"i froze to death,... not so bad realy, once you get past the stabbing pains in your extremities and the convulsive shaking,... at the end a calm warm feeling settles over you and you just drift off to sleep"
"thats terible,... i died of massive heart attack."
"at your age?"
"yea,... i was sure tom was cheating on me so i came home early hoping to catch him,.... i found him watching the game in his chair,... but i was sure he was cheating and the hussy was just hiding,... so i tore up the house looking for her,... he laughed at me as a looked every where,.... in the panick driven angry episode,.... it was just more than my heart could take i guess."
"thats too bad,.... if you had looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive"
This is not actually a joke but something that actually happened. A girl known for her impeccable spelling texted me just as it turned 2012:
"Hapi new year 2010."
One minute later I got another text:
"Sori for spelling error. No, I am not drunk. Hapi new yr."
I'm still wondering if she was drunk.
by Daffy Duck 2 years ago
There are millions of jokes out there. Everyone says they have a great one. What's the funniest one?
by Cecil Kenmill 3 years ago
What's the worst joke you've ever heard?A buddy of mine emailed me this joke that was so cheesy, corny and tacky. Help me get him back! Clean humor only. If you wouldn't tell your grandma your joke then save it for another time. Oh, what's the joke he told me? You don't want to hear it but I'll...
by backporchstories 6 years ago
What is the best "clean" joke you have ever heard?We all need a good laugh, especially with so many serious questions on the hub about religion getting everyone all hot and bothered under the collar. Share your favorite joke and please keep it clean!
by mastergreen 3 years ago
What's the funniest joke you know or ever heard?We all need a little laughter in our lives. So tell a joke, the funniest you have ever heard or known. Spread the laughter wherever you go. Good luck.
by EJ Lambert 5 years ago
What is best stand-up joke you ever heard?Every comedian has a specific bit that made them a favorite of many. Which routine, known or unknown, is your all-time favorite?
by nicomp really 4 months ago
A traveling salesman, a clown, a horse, and a midget walk into a bar...The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"
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