pounding rain.purple skies.crimson moon.hateful eyes.screaming people.a multitude.pawing.clawing.trying 2 get a bite of food so small u need xtra sight.
this is what i see when i look 4 my people.
this is what i see in the eyes of the child.
this is what i see.
heartache.despair.bodies piled high.heaven in mourning as it hears the cries of man.
no one 2 care.no one 2 see.no one 2 repent.no one 2 ask 4giveness 4 the sins of society.
this is what i see.
the blind cutting off their ears so they can b deaf.people pulling out each others tongue.mothers in mercy smothering their young.
this is what i see.
i am the eyes of the blind.
i am the ears of the deaf.
i am the voice of those who can not speak.
i am...love,and this is what i see.
Schoolboy, you have a distinctive voice. Your message is clear in your poem, and it's rich with emotion and image.
Technically a little rough, but that's not a problem, really because by continuing to write and write your thoughts by the pound, not the page, you'll refine and develop.
Kudos, and welcome to HP.
This is very beautiful. I hope to be able to read more of your poetry. Thanks for sharing.
I like what you are writing it is raw and your prose shows a lot of energy and intense emotion. I hope that you don't mind some unsolicited advice.
The words tell a lot.......But for most people the words don't paint a complete picture or tell a complete story so many people will not understand it.
Here lets try this:
scours the purple skies
which awaits a crimson moon
above hateful eyes.
I see through the eyes of child.......
Screaming people in a multitude
of pawing and clawing are just
trying to get a small bite of food.
I am not a great writer but I wanted to give you few tips. I like the words you put down and would like to welcome you to Hubpages. I am sorry if you didn't want any advice but I can see a picture and I wanted to show you one style so you can arrange your words into a story so others can see your picture.
yahoo brilliant words, and so helpful, hub pages is the place to be, to learn,
You are so kind. It is quite a good community.
Welcome to HP. I think your poem is good and you ought to make it into a hub. Everybody is giving you some pretty good advice, I don't really have anything to add except I hope you write more too.
I don't think it needs to be changed at all - it is good as it is.
The text language is a bit of-putting for us old schoolers but it is the language of today and you are writing in it - good on you and put it in a hub and then write some more. When you have got a dozen down we can see how good you are
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