jump to last post 1-3 of 3 discussions (5 posts)

Drinking Why?

  1. Desired Devinely profile image57
    Desired Devinelyposted 7 years ago

    The beer on his breath

    and a fast roming car.

    Your confused, abandon it so feels

    scaired to look at him.

    Worried of what u may see

    the angre or hatered in his eyes.

    In thee darkness of night

    on a path that feels it never ends.

    he almost crashes

    you grab the stireing wheel and say his life.

    No thank you is agnoallged

    for he doesnt remember a thing.

    you no it will happen again

    u feel so pained.

    as you reach for the razor

    for the last time.

    you no your life will end

    you want to finish it now.

    so you dont die

    'cause thee life of him.

    You slit your neck

    and fall to the ground.

    to never look back again

    your tired of trying.

    You are soonly forgotten

    good bye dad for the sentence of life

    1. lovelylizzy profile image57
      lovelylizzyposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      OH MY.that's deep.and kinda dark.and a bit scary. I LOVED IT!!!!!!!FIRST POEM I  LIKE THAT DOESN'T RHYME.ONCE IN A LIFETIME,THIS MAY NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

    2. Jaggedfrost profile image82
      Jaggedfrostposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      This is a very dark verse.  I wonder if it is founded in truth. At any rate it seems to carry the point quite well in despite of the occasional errors.

  2. aware profile image67
    awareposted 7 years ago

    Dev make that your first hub

  3. Tirzah Laughs profile image84
    Tirzah Laughsposted 7 years ago

    It has a lot of raw emotion but you need to edit it.

    You are inconsistent with the capitalization. Either make it all lower case or use the correct capitals. In most case, you have to pick one or the other.

    You have a few mis-spelled words such as scared (scaired).




    agnoallged--- no idea what this word is.

    u- you


    I think the over all poem has a lot emotional impact but you need to smooth out the mechanical rough edges.

    Nice last line.