The one I love is
A white horse go’s in to a pub, the barman says we have a whisky names after you?
The horse replies they named a whisky Eric?
Dire I know your turn!
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin'?
What's yellow and can't swim?
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Some country hick walks into Harvard and asks a professor, "Yall know where the library's at?"
The professor replies, "Here at Harvard we do not end our sentences in prepositions."
The hick says, "Ok, Yall know where the library's at, A** Hole?"
I was thinking of bumping this one for the dog lovers, but you beat me to it.
A horse ambles into a bar. Bartender says "Hey buddy, why such a long face?"
Did you hear about the pony with a sore throat? Yeah, he was a little hoarse,,,,,
A friend told me he has 3 wife's. Really I said? That must take a lot to do that. Yeah he said, it's awful big-of-me,,,
A guy walks into the doctor's office...
Patient: "Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a pain in my eye.
Doctor: "Don't leave the spoon in the cup."
(just before christmas, apple and orange was on the fridge)
apple: yiiiiii..iiiit's coooold in herrrre...
orange: ohmagosh..the apple is talking!!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the raccoons it could be done.
My friend who works at the funeral home was telling me it's a tough job. Do those caskets weigh a lot I asked?
Yeah they do he said,,, you know,,, all that dead weight,,,
Two men walk into a bar, the third man ducks.
It's horrible, I know.. after almost two weeks thinking about it I finally got it, and couldn't stop laughing.
I know, I'm strange.
Two guys are walking down the side of the road and they see a German Sheppard licking itself. The one guy looks at the other and says "I wish I could do that." And the other guy says. "maybe if you are real nice and pet him first, he might let you."
A blonde is walking down the road and she sees another blonde in the middle of a cornfield in a rowboat. And, she stops and yells at her. "What the hell are you doing!" The other blonde replies. "I am trying to get to shore!"
The blonde in the road says. "Oh you stupid bitch! You are giving all of us blondes a bad name! And, if I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"
Ad in a newspaper
Bulldog for sale. House trained, good watch dog, cuddly,
eats anything, especially fond of children.
A blonde phoned roadside assistance.
The operator asked her what the problem was with her car.
Well, she said, the indicators aren't working... now they are... now they aren't...
Sign on a radiator repair shop.
Best place in town to take a leak.
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