tell me hoe this is :)

  1. prateek rustagi profile image59
    prateek rustagiposted 9 years ago


    We face challenges and fight too.

    We sometimes win, and then celebrate, trying to push our souls to a stable state.

    But when we fall,

    We get agonized by the realization of successful people,

    Extremely agitated by the higher standing world.

    But humans are born to exhibit courage,

    We stand up and fight again for the lost ground.

    This time, vengeance added to our armory.

    We face restrains, counter attacks and what not?

    But we never look behind.

    Why is it so?

    Why don't we hesitate to give the battle, our all?

    It is coz

    whenever we fall, our outer-ware gets melted by the heat of failure

    & coats our inner-self.

    It shields us from the preposterous world, its expectations.

    & finally we are left with no option but to hear our enclosed soul,

    which is now coated safe from the harsh world.

    It tells us to go out, follow the ever bubbling heart,

    be brave,

    we have nothing to lose.

    We have tasted defeat and mockery cannot humiliate the one already bogged down.

    We hence become brave,

    not afraid to experiment,

    no pressure anymore to hold on the gained title.

    Finally, we get up and overcome the blizzard,

    thereby freeing our enclosed soul.

    But with failure roaming nearby,

    it will get covered again.

  2. Shadesbreath profile image83
    Shadesbreathposted 9 years ago

    The verses are decently written, but as poetry it lacks lyricism and imagery.  It reads more like a propaganda piece trying to trap people in a cycle of violence and death.

    As history in the real world has proven, not only does vengeance bring no satisfaction for the avenged, it brings only misery to the avenger and waves of sorrow and horror for expanding circles of people.

    This poem talks of courage yet completely misses what real courage is. Real courage is doing what is right, not what makes you feel good. Vengeance is about making oneself feel better after a tremendous loss--and it never works, because the loss remains. Courage is solving the problem that created the context to begin. That is much harder, which is why so few are capable of it.  Write a poem to real courage and I'll be impressed.

    I'll leave you with a response to your poem written by Wilfred Owen in 1917 who understood your "Coated to Avenge" very well.  The Latin title "Dulce Et Decorum Est, Pro patria mori" translates to "It is glorious to die for your country" but can be read as "glorious to die for your cause" easily enough.  Enjoy (this is imagery and lyricism for you too, btw: a very instructive piece of writing for an aspiring poet):

    Dulce et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori
    By Wilfred Owen

    Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
    Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
    Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,
    And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
    Men marched asleep.  Many had lost their boots,
    But limped on, blood-shod.  All went lame, all blind;
    Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
    Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

    Gas!  GAS!  Quick, boys! --  An ecstasy of fumbling
    Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime. --
    Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

    In all my dreams before my helpless sight
    He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

    If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
    Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
    And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
    His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin,
    If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
    Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs
    Bitter as the cud
    Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, --
    My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
    To children ardent for some desperate glory,
    The old Lie:  Dulce et decorum est
    Pro patria mori.

  3. prateek rustagi profile image59
    prateek rustagiposted 9 years ago

    thanx a ton shadesbreath....i really appreciate your comments...i totally agree with you...brilliant piece of art there by wilfred own..clearly suggesting what exactly my poem lacked and required...
    thanks again smile


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