How do you politely approach an inconsiderate roommate?

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   dcollins3posted 11 years ago

   How do you politely approach an inconsiderate roommate?
   
   My roommate, who also happens to be my cousin, has a two year old and a newborn baby. She leaves things everywhere, she dominates the television, and a couple of weeks ago she brought home a ten month old puppy, making a total of four dogs in my house. This would all be ok except she is never home to take care of her dog. She leaves him loose and he gets into everything. She's very sensitive though. I've heard her fight with her ex husband ever since she moved in and I don't want her to be angry with me, but I also don't want another dog to take care of...

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2. 72

   Kimberly Vaughnposted 11 years ago

   That is a tough one. I really feel for you. I always think talking about it is best because it will just build and build and create a barrier if you don't. I wouldn't bring anyone else into the situation because that will probably fuel the fire. I would ask your cousin if there would be a good time for you two to talk about the living arrangement. Once you sit down to discuss, tell her nicely about your concerns. I would sandwich it between compliments about why you like having her as a roomate. See if you two can reach an agreement about television time (Are there certain shows you would like to watch at certain times so she let's you have the tv then?) and about taking care of the new puppy. She probably has no idea her behavior is bothering you. It sounds like she is having a rough time right now and is probably caught up in her own little world or issues with the ex and the two kids. I know if it were me, I would want someone to tell me how they were feeling so I could at least try to keep from doing things that bothered them.

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      dcollins3posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I actually confronted her and got called all kinds of names. Oh well I knew she wouldn't take it well.

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      Kimberly Vaughnposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe when she calms down and reflects on the situation she will work to improve.

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   Leesfloresposted 11 years ago

   Listen up girly. You know you have a hard time standing up for yourself. but this is a situation where you have to do just that. The fact that she's calling you names is very disrespectful and you must remember a very important thing...
   It's YOUR house.
   Being that it's your house, you are sharing your living space out of the kindness of your heart, so this is what you need to do.
   1. Make a list of how you want YOUR house run.
   2. Accept that you cannot please everyone.
   Now tell her that you don't appreciate the name calling. You deserve respect in YOUR house, and if she wants things run HER way, then she needs to get herself a place.
   It may sound harsh but that's where you're at. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, and she needs to be considerate of you. So assert yourself. YOU are the boss.

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      BlossomSBposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do agree. Some people just don't appreciate it when you are kind-hearted and think they can walk all over you. She certainly should have asked your permission before bringing home a puppy, too. What an awkward position to be in. I hope it works out

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   Writer Davidposted 11 years ago

   I must echo the sentiments of Leesflores.  It is YOUR HOUSE.  You make the rules, you say what can be done and can't be done.  Tell her that.  Then say if she can't comply with your few simple rules, then she needs to find another place that will accept her dogs, her children and someone as rude as her.  You have to stiffen your backbone.  If she calls you names again, tell her that is another reason she has to go.  You don't accept that from anyone, especially in your OWN house.  She would not accept it if it were her home, I assure you (without even knowing her). 
   
   She has put you in an unpleasant situation.  Only you can rectify this problem.  If she refuses to leave, then you must let her know she has 30 days to vacate the premises or you will have your local law enforcement do it for you.  I realize it is difficult to do with two small children.  She is using that as a chip to call your hand.  You have to call her bluff, sorry to say.  It's a tough situation.  But, realize, once again, it is your house....YOUR house.  She doesn't respect that fact or even have any respect for you.  Please update us on this.

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      dcollins3posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. She has spent all day looking for a new place. Ironically no apartment wants her to move in with the breed of dog she has. She seems less angry with me now but knowing her I'm probably still a horrible person behind my back. Fine with me.

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      Leesfloresposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      good for you d!

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