Often times I have seen that friends become friends because they have alternative motives! I wonder when you consider a friend to have conned you! Is it when they have taken genoursety too far or is it when they just outright use you for a materialistic gain?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I am dealing with a situation just like that right now and I do realize they are not a friend at all, not only is it generosity they also take my kindness for my weakness and I have had enough.
I think you mean ulterior motives.
I was thinking about a similar issue, but it was family related. I do think people often are nicer to people they want something from, they try to buddy up and befriend someone they have a use for...
I don't think the person is deliberately conning me, I just think the motives can get pretty transparent when someone needs a babysitter and isn't willing to pay anything, and etc...
People are self-seeking creatures. Most living things do everything in their power to continue their life, to be self-seeking enough to maintain life, and with people, we extend that natural instinct to not only maintaining life but being more comfortable.
I hesitate to attribute wantonly bad motives to anyone. If I could see it from their point of view, it would probably make sense.
My friends don;t con me. That said, I call a very few people friends.
Exctly. If there is a con involved, friendship was not involved in the first place.
Well, there's a difference between conning someone and having a mutually advantageous friendship.
That would be a friend with benefits? Or is friendship being confused with an associate?
However I think it should be equal and not hurtful in any way I further fill that the motives and gain should be spoken and done in the dark or decietfully!
A lot of my friends are the mutually advantageous sort. I think it comes from being an acountant. We're always looking at the damn balance sheet; wanting things to even out, wanting life to be fair. It's a very practical and not very pretty world-view we have.
So we do things for each other; we help each other out; we're there for each other, but in practical ways. There's a lot of boundaries. I don't think we get too personal. That makes us sort of uncomfortable.
I know that sounds like a really weird perspective to have on friendship, but it works for us. None of us are being used; none of us are being conned. We're very honest with each other.
But it isn't a Disney version of friendship. Not at all.
There are a few, (very few, like Misha) friends I have, that I really call friends of my soul. It's a whole different level of friendship. Those people are almost more like my family than my family.
Is great to have friends like this. You can have a circle of talent you can source from, giving and receiving. Friendship has levels I've noticed.
I feel much more comfortable with this idea of friendship than with the traditional "female friends who tell each other *everything*" model, as it were. I don't enjoy spilling the emotional beans and in the past, I've done it and regretted it.
And what's wrong with friendship being mutually advantageous? Of course I would help a friend out if they needed it. But when it comes to one-sided friendships - forget it.
Answering the question posed in the thread: one example of being "conned" would be if you discovered that a person whom you'd considered a friend was only associating themselves with you because they felt superior to you. Case in point: the woman who loses loads of weight and gets a makeover, and finds that her best friend doesn't want to talk to her any more. Hasn't happened to me, but I've seen it happen to other people.
I agree with you exactly, Jewels. I agree with you most of the time!
So far in my life I have only had one "friend" who outright conned me. She was pretending to be my friend and milking me for information while she was sleeping with my husband. This is what I call a deliberate con, though I suppose partly my own fault for ignoring my gut feelings because I didn't want to not believe either of them.
That said, even though a lot of people in my life try to take advantage of me, I don't think there's anything malicious about it or that they are meaning to. The biggest thing is that they're immature and/or wrapped up with their own lives so they honestly can't understand why I can't be there for their minor crises 24/7. Perhaps this will change with age...I know a couple of my friends have gotten married and have kids, and now understand why it is I don't like them calling five times a day and why I don't answer e-mails for a week at a time.
Very well said I think many times that friends think that we should take the time to help them in every littl crises they expierence and further help them if needed! I do not think this is a conn Ithink this is being self consumed and forgetting that others have a life as well!
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