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Boyfriends best friend is a girl....I hate her
My boyfriends best friend is a girl. They are having dinner near her house( bout 40 min away). He's going to her house (lives with parents) because they redid their basement and she wants to show him the new bar. Then they are going to dinner and drinks. I'm 100% uncomfortable and told him. He said to get over it. Shes a friend. I'm so upset and physically sick. I want to trust him to go with her to dinner, I just dont like her. Shes a mean person and always asking for a "just them' night.
What to do
Ah...you snuck that little question in at the end just when I didn't think there was going to be one. You've made this more complicated than it is because you want everything to be perfect. The answer is simple: You can't control people and no one is obligated to do what you want (though if this were your husband or fiance, his friendship would be inappropriate). Just remember that although he is your boyfriend, he owes you nothing. If you think you deserve to be treated better, find someone else. If you love him, then accept him the way he is. Otherwise, if you are ok with them being friends at all (though it sounds like you are not), you should be clear about your expectations of him. If he chooses to not follow these expectations, accept it or move on. If you are not ok with them being friends, make him choose.
The worst thing to do is to tell him whom he can and can't hang out with. The bottom line, she was his friend before you did. Right? In this case, telling him to choose would most likely break your relationship. If he didn't, he'd probably resent you for it. My best opinion would be, if you really cared for this guy to get used to it. Since you've already expressed how you felt about her and he told you to "get over it" says you can do two things: Get over it like he said, or just leave. It sucks to be put in a position like you are in but you are just going to have to learn to deal with the fact that she isn't going anywhere.
If she is constantly asking your boyfriend for a "Just them night" I think she thinks she is in some kind of non-relationship with him. I would be 100% uncomfortable if my boyfriends female friend was always asking that, and if he planned a visit to her home, have a night out alone for dinner with her and then out for drinks. I would also feel embarrassed about it (Explaining his plans with others, or if anyone I knew ran into him on his 'date' night).
He has a girlfriend now, so any dates with other women should include you. She should be respectful of that too. But it seems like she wants him all to herself, is excluding you and is wanting to date him dispite him now being in a relationship. She is being unreasonable with him and he is being unreasonable with you by saying "Get over it". He is ignoring your feelings about it. But how would he feel if you did this say with a male work collegue?
My reaction to this situation would be exactly like yours. And, it would be a deal breaker for me if he went. I would tell my boyfriend it's not acceptable behaviour for him to drink and dine out alone with other women, even if it's making a date in the name of friendship. If he couldn't understand this, or wouldn't respect my feelings about it, I would realise that he's probably not going to be right for me. Relationships are difficult enough, you don't need another women in the mix. Eeek!
Hope this information helps! This is an interesting topic and I intend to make a Hub relating to the subject.
Thank you for ur post. It does help. Just want to be included in the plans. Want to be comfortable. . Relationships are crazy.
You deserve to feel good in a relationship. He has totally disregarded your feelings and SHE probably took her ques from him. Bottom line if you are looking for this relationship to be long term ask yourself why? If you are not looking for it to turn into marriage eventually ask yourself why you are allowing him to make you miserable by his decision for a relationship that is going nowhere. He is just a boyfriend which means you are in the testing phase. Does he past the test?
I had a similar situation with my boyfriend. There was a girl who he was close friends with and she always tried to start trouble between my boyfriend and I. She would continuously ask him, "Why doesn't your girlfriend like me?" It was so annoying because I never did anything to show that I did not like her, and then it would cause fights between my boyfriend and I. He would get mad and he would say, "Why don't you like her? She's one of my best friends." Then she started hanging out at his house late at night and if I came by while she was there, she would act bothered when I came around and annoyed when she had to leave. This is when I put my foot down. I told him that if he did not make their friendship more appropriate, I would end our relationship. At first he resisted, until a guy friend stepped in and told him that the way the girl was acting with him was inappropriate. The problem is that my boyfriend is too nice sometimes and he did not want to hurt the girl's feelings but he also did not want to ruin our relationship. Unfortunately, it came down to me or her (which is not a position I had wanted him to be in) and he began to spend less time with her, and she did not take it well and they stopped being friends. I did not want them to stop being friends but that is just the way it played out.
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