Would you move states and give up your whole life to take care of your aging par

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   moneyfairyposted 12 years ago

   Would you move states and give up your whole life to take care of your aging parents?
   
   My sister lives near my parents and my little brother is just 4 hrs. away , but my last visit my sister asked me if I would move back east and live in with my parents. It's a huge dilemma as they are in the middle of nowhere so my work would be very difficult to cultivate there and I have a full time practice out west that I have had for 21 yrs. now. So would you give up your whole life to move back in with your parents ? Just curious. It's a very difficult dilemma.

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   Motown2Chitownposted 12 years ago

   I would have while I was still single, but I didn't have the career concerns that you do.  You're absolutely right in that it is a difficult dilemma.  I had a college instructor once who was one of four children.  He and his siblings each spent one week a month with their elderly, ailing mother, to allow her to stay in her home.  Of course, they all lived near enough to mom that this wasn't too much of an inconvenience.
   
   It sounds like your sister and your brother just don't want to be burdened, and feel that, for some reason, you should just jump right in and become their savior.  Is it possible that, rather than your moving back east, you could move your mother nearer to you (provided you don't object to helping care for her)?

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      moneyfairyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's just it, she won't move and Dad is still alive but with dementia it's just a difficult situation all around. If she was closer to me that wouldn't be a problem. We just need someone like Hazel , remember that show? A live in maid/helper.

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3. 61

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   I don't know your family situation so I mean no offense to your siblings if there intentions are good....But if you move in with your parents to care for them, it may be likely that your brother and sister will back off of the care they may be providing now.
   
   I know elder care is a problem, but I don't think parents would want a child to give up their entire life to provide them with care.  There must be another way.  Can they afford care or "Hazel" as you mentioned?
   
   Parents who are aging have to realize that the children are not the only ones who have to  compromise. You say your mother will not move, well as some point you may have to take the parental role and tell her what she will have to do.
   
   I'm sorry this is just a much more complex issue than this forum allows.  I wish you good luck and peace with your decision...but to be honest, I am not sure I could give up my life and move....as selfish as that sounds.

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      moneyfairyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's it finances are little to none, my brother is disabled and my sister is working on her masters degree but none of us have much money to speak of...it's just a very difficult situation all together. Thank you for your input.

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   Steve Witschelposted 12 years ago

   It depends how important they are to you and what the alternative might be. What is primary is how YOU feel about it. Could you somehow successfully modify your professional career in a new location? Focus on what is possible considering only the positives with each scenerio and see what makes you feel the best internally. There will be challenges no matter what the decision, but life has a way of cooporating when you follow your true feelings.

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   1. 61

      moneyfairyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's just it, I would love to be able to help them but if I uproot my whole life to start from scratch it will be near impossible to make the money I am now and my parents and siblings don't have much $$ either. It's heart wrenching. Just need time

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5. 92

   innerspinposted 12 years ago

   As a parent, I want my offspring to be self sufficient, and not worry about us. Okay, we're not too old yet, and it is hard when loved ones live a distance away. But I seriously wouldn't want one of our sons to sacrifice their lifestyles for me.
   
   It's such a hard situation to be in. We considered moving back nearer an aging parent. The decision, harsh though it may sound, was that six months down the line, they may no longer be with us. That would leave us living somewhere we didn't want to be, potentially with reduced income. Would a parent want that for their offspring?
   
   Your mother has her mind set at the moment. That may change over time. Work is hard to come by and 21 years of building contacts are at risk. You may never get that back. Possibly your sister sees you as carefree and unconcerned, which of course isn't the case. All of you are under stress. Take time with this decision, it has to be yours. I wish you strength.

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