Would you move states and give up your whole life to take care of your aging par

Jump to Last Post 1-5 of 5 discussions (8 posts)
  1. moneyfairy profile image70
    moneyfairyposted 5 years ago

    Would you move states and give up your whole life to take care of your aging parents?

    My sister lives near my parents and my little brother is just 4 hrs. away , but my last visit my sister asked me if I would move back east and live in with my parents. It's a huge dilemma as they are in the middle of nowhere so my work would be very difficult to cultivate there and I have a full time practice out west that I have had for 21 yrs. now. So would you give up your whole life to move back in with your parents ? Just curious. It's a very difficult dilemma.

  2. profile image0
    Motown2Chitownposted 5 years ago

    I would have while I was still single, but I didn't have the career concerns that you do.  You're absolutely right in that it is a difficult dilemma.  I had a college instructor once who was one of four children.  He and his siblings each spent one week a month with their elderly, ailing mother, to allow her to stay in her home.  Of course, they all lived near enough to mom that this wasn't too much of an inconvenience.

    It sounds like your sister and your brother just don't want to be burdened, and feel that, for some reason, you should just jump right in and become their savior.  Is it possible that, rather than your moving back east, you could move your mother nearer to you (provided you don't object to helping care for her)?

    1. moneyfairy profile image70
      moneyfairyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That's just it, she won't move and Dad is still alive but with dementia it's just a difficult situation all around. If she was closer to me that wouldn't be a problem. We just need someone like Hazel , remember that show? A live in maid/helper.

  3. duffsmom profile image59
    duffsmomposted 5 years ago

    I don't know your family situation so I mean no offense to your siblings if there intentions are good....But if you move in with your parents to care for them, it may be likely that your brother and sister will back off of the care they may be providing now.

    I know elder care is a problem, but I don't think parents would want a child to give up their entire life to provide them with care.  There must be another way.  Can they afford care or "Hazel" as you mentioned?

    Parents who are aging have to realize that the children are not the only ones who have to  compromise. You say your mother will not move, well as some point you may have to take the parental role and tell her what she will have to do.

    I'm sorry this is just a much more complex issue than this forum allows.  I wish you good luck and peace with your decision...but to be honest, I am not sure I could give up my life and move....as selfish as that sounds.

    1. moneyfairy profile image70
      moneyfairyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That's it finances are little to none, my brother is disabled and my sister is working on her masters degree but none of us have much money to speak of...it's just a very difficult situation all together. Thank you for your input.

  4. Steve Witschel profile image94
    Steve Witschelposted 5 years ago

    It depends how important they are to you and what the alternative might be. What is primary is how YOU feel about it. Could you somehow successfully modify your professional career in a new location? Focus on what is possible considering only the positives with each scenerio and see what makes you feel the best internally. There will be challenges no matter what the decision, but life has a way of cooporating when you follow your true feelings.

    1. moneyfairy profile image70
      moneyfairyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That's just it, I would love to be able to help them but if I uproot my whole life to start from scratch it will be near impossible to make the money I am now and my parents and siblings don't have much $$ either. It's heart wrenching. Just need time

  5. innerspin profile image91
    innerspinposted 5 years ago

    As a parent, I want my offspring to be self sufficient, and not worry about us. Okay, we're not too old yet, and it is hard when loved ones live a distance away. But I seriously wouldn't want one of our sons to sacrifice their lifestyles for me.

    It's such a hard situation to be in. We considered moving back nearer an aging parent. The decision, harsh though it may sound, was that six months down the line, they may no longer be with us. That would leave us living somewhere we didn't want to be, potentially with reduced income. Would a parent want that for their offspring?

    Your mother has her mind set at the moment. That may change over time. Work is hard to come by and 21 years of building contacts are at risk. You may never get that back. Possibly your sister sees you as carefree and unconcerned, which of course isn't the case. All of you are under stress. Take time with this decision, it has to be yours. I wish you strength.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)