Do your family ever make you feel guilty about the life path you chose?

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   BritInTexasposted 12 years ago

   Do your family ever make you feel guilty about the life path you chose?
   
   In 2007, at the age of 31, I left my home in England and moved to Texas, USA, and got married.  Since that day, my parents and one sibling have subtly made me feel tremendous guilt for 'leaving' them, and will often ask why my American husband and I don't move "back home" to the UK.  What do your family make you feel guilty for doing?  How do you cope with that guilt, and the stress it potentially causes you?

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2. 60

   kathey89posted 12 years ago

   I believe home is where the heart is, I dream of living in Ireland though I am from England and both parents are english. Its a split decision on whether to stay and keep the ones you love happy or follow your heart and be happy yourself. Your family will love you no matter what.
   On occasion I have had my mum feel quite guilty in decisions I have made in my life but my dad says it best, follow your heart and the rest will follow.
   I express how I feel if i'm stressed or feeling guilty, not to argue just speak how I feel or even write it down if its hard to say.
   Don't feel guilty your family will always be there for you no matter what.

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3. 60

   LaThingposted 12 years ago

   Thank God they don't make me feel guilty for my past actions!! Not only did I move back to the State when my whole family decided to settle in England, I married the wrong guy, divorced, made some bad choices in life.... Just to name a few!
   I agree with Kathy, home is where the heart is

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4. 45

   padmendraposted 12 years ago

   I am living the way according to my wish and ability which is supported by my family. So the question of  making me feel guilty by them  about the life path I have chosen does not arise in my case.  In your case, giving you stress and making you feel guilty for leaving them   is perhaps not right as every one of us  knows that after a .grown up stage, children do not stay with their parents or family and leave them for the cause of study or job. Sometime they marry to people from other parts of the world  but despite  they continue to keep in touch with their family and no matter what they have done, the family  comes to closer and  spend happy moments together.

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   Giselle Maineposted 12 years ago

   My parents & grandparents all did much crazier things than me so a great advantage of this is that no-one can really try to guilt me without being hypocritical themselves.  I too moved far, far away from family to be with my husband (marrying at a similar age to you, maybe a year or 2 younger).  Although I don't have the guilt trips that your family is having you experience, I would suggest a couple of words of advice. 
   
   One is that every time they ask why you don't move back home, I would say the following: "Move home? England won't be home for my husband, remember?! And anyway, my home is where my husband is".  Leave it at that.  The next time they ask, repeat sentence, etc etc.  Eventually they will get the message, blunt as it is. 
   
   Another word of advice is that I think that you just have to make your loyalties clear that it's your life, you are with your husband, and this is where you call home.  I call it home wherever my husband is, even if it's far away from where I grew up. You don't have to specifically say "My husband comes first" (although you can if you wish).  But just think to yourself, your responsibility is to your husband first and foremost - you wouldn't be a very good wife if you were always doing what your family wanted instead of your husband! So just remind yourself you already have your priorities straight and that if anyone else is guilting you, don't rise to the bait. Just be confident within yourself.  I know it's hard when you love your family too, in fact you can make it clear you love them but that your priorities are to be with your husband.  Besides, if they are asking you to come to England then they are basically asking your husband to move away from HIS family - which is kinda hypocritical if they are making the statement that "families should be together" etc etc!

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   1. 77

      BritInTexasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Beautifully put.  Suffering from depression hasn't helped me to look at things in a positive way, nor work on my own happiness. I worry about the future and having regrets when my parents are gone. Does that make sense?

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      Giselle Maineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for responding.  I get what you mean about regrets but ultimately you have to be with your husband and be where your jobs are. It doesn't mean cutting off ties with family. Sorry, blunt, out of comment-characters to explain better.

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   sashenikainderbyposted 12 years ago

   Hello Britln! I have similar situation with the difference that I left my country and moved to Derby. It is difficult to live without parents nearby and sometimes I feel lonely but at the same time being far from my parents made me stronger and more independant. I have to rely on my own experience and intuition which is scary but great.
   My parents try to understand me but I feel that they are not particularly happy that I live in another country.
   I have attempted to convince them that this is what I really want to do with my life but I cannot change them. So, I decided to change what is in my power to change - my attitude. I love them and they love me but this is my life and I will live it the way I think it is right for me.

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7. 0

   melafxposted 12 years ago

   i left my home at 18, but not that far away, but the feeling is the almost the same. But in my case, they understood my position and stood for it. Not all families react negativly in these kind of matters. Hope you get that solved. I can only give you one advice. Put it behind you r back, and do your role.
   
   David C.

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8. 71

   somethgblueposted 12 years ago

   My path was 27 years of drinking and drugging so no one needs make me feel guilty of that I got enough of my own.
   
   However I live 1,000 miles away and rarely see any of them and they prefer that it stay that way.
   
   Eight years of sobriety and a college degree will not and has not made up for the pain I caused and many never make up for it.
   
   My decisions caused me to lose the love and companionship of the only people I was close to, they don't trust me.
   
   So look on the bright side at least you have a home where you are welcome, I no longer am welcome in the State I grew up in.

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9. 82

   karthikkashposted 12 years ago

   My family (not my parents, but relatives) always try to make me feel guilty about the path I chose, when it comes to career. But I have pretty much realized that I made the right choice. I know what I am doing is right. And I understand that when people around me try to make me feel guilty, they basically are imposing their point of view. Considering that, I am pretty happy in the place I am.

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      MarieAlana1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Feel guilty about being an engineer and writer? That's a great career choice.

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    Elderberry Artsposted 12 years ago

    I am a big believer in home is were the heart is. I moved away many years ago as I wanted to get out of London and my parents and brothers later moved too. For a long time I wanted to move back to the area I went to school/college nearly 300 miles away but I felt guilty and like they would think it was somehow a negative against them. Last year, after my wife left I decided was the perfect time for a fresh start and moved. I know my parents didn't want me too and maybe they worry about me more now I'm so far away (4+ hours) but I am so much happier here, I can't explain it I just am.

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11. 66

    Sue St. Clairposted 12 years ago

    An overview of the many ways that families attempt inducing guilt. read more

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12. 74

    cloudy_coolposted 12 years ago

    Your question hit me like a nail in the head. Enough to inspire me to write a hub on it. Please visit: http://cloudycool.hubpages.com/hub/Over … reams?done

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    1. 77

       BritInTexasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I appreciate those of you that decided to write Hubs on this topic - I would love to write about my own story, but with my Mom as one of my biggest fans(!) I daren't let her read something so personal.  So, thank you for that.  )

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       cloudy_coolposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Quick suggestion: Create another (secret fm Mum) HubPages ID and pour out ALL your personal feelings in it like you would in your journal. Great way to express your deepest feelings and connect with others like yourself. Count me in when you do

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    3. 77

       BritInTexasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Oooo, I didn't know I could have more than one account on here?  Am I able to link it to the same Paypal address/email address as this one, then??

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    4. 74

       cloudy_coolposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Just looked it up for you: http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/68814
       You CAN have more than one hubpages account, as long as you dont use the other ones for self-promoting etc. Although not sure abt the Paypal/email bit

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13. 34

    edhanposted 12 years ago

    We are lucky to have our own decision. I can understand one frustration over others trying to make the decision and forcing you to choose what they want.
    
    As a parent myself, I do not want to do that as I believe one should be doing what they want for their own happiness. Being happy of what you want is important factor so why force?
    
    You should not be guilty of your choice as long as you feel happy.

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    lburmasterposted 12 years ago

    Of course. My family doesn't approve of my partner. And my partner doesn't understand why I chose psychology as a major in college. They both remind me of what else I could have done. "You should have married a doctor." "What was wrong with criminal justice?"

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