Obama Jokes

1. 67

   MikeNVposted 13 years ago

   Found these on another site.
   
   The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
   We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
   
   America needs Obama Care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
   
   Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
   
   A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
   
   Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
   
   A: A fund raiser.
   
   Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
   
   A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
   
   Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it
   started to sink, who would be saved?
   
   A: America !
   
   Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
   
   A: Bo has papers.
   
   PSALM 2010
   
   Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
   He leadeth me beside the still factories.
   He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
   He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sake.
   Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
   I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.
   He has anointed my income with taxes,
   My expenses runneth over.
   Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
   And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.
   I am glad I am American,
   I am glad that I am free.
   But I wish I was a dog .....
   And Obama was a tree.

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   1. 74

      getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      

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      Poppa Bluesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL! I love the pslam!!

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2. 59

   Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years ago

   

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      habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ron, is that a young Ronald Reagan second from left??

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         Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         He sure resembles him.  The guy next to him looks like Buddy Holly.

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3. 61

   William R. Wilsonposted 13 years ago

   http://www.instantrimshot.com/

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      wyanjenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      

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4. 60

   samboiamposted 13 years ago

   Dear God,
   
   In the last year you have taken my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You have taken my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett.
   You have taken my favorite entertainer, Michael Jackson.
   
   I just wanted you to know Barack Obama is my favorite president.

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5. 59

   marinealways24posted 13 years ago

   What is Obamas religious belief?

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   1. 60

      samboiamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Like most politicians. Whatever is convenient at the time.

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      Arthur Fontesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Narcissism

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6. 71

   rhamsonposted 13 years ago

   I think the Obama jokes are funny in a sarcastic light but I really like the Bushisms because the lunacy comes right from his own mouth.
   
   Enjoy!
   
   "One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
   
   "I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
   
   "In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a recession, I am ending on a recession." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
   
   "I've abandoned free market principles to save the free market system." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008
   
   "I want to share with you an interesting program -- for two reasons, one, it's interesting, and two, my wife thought of it -- or has actually been involved with it; she didn't think of it. But she thought of it for this speech." --George W. Bush, discussing a company that improves access to clean water in Africa, Washington D.C., Oct. 21, 2008

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7. 0

   PrettyPantherposted 13 years ago

   I wonder why left-wing comedy is commercially successful and right-wing comedy is not?

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8. 92

   habeeposted 13 years ago

   Obamanisms are pretty amusing, also! Enjoy:
   
   "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." The actual death toll: 12.
   
   "Over the last 15 months, we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go."
   
   Explaining why he trailed Hillary Clinton in Kentucky, Obama again botched basic geography: "Sen. Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas. So it's not surprising that she would have an advantage in some of those states in the middle." On what map is Arkansas closer to Kentucky than Illinois?
   
   
   "There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Ala., because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So they got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born."
   
   Obama was born in 1961. The Selma march was in 1965.
   
   
   "UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? It's the Post Office that's always having problems." –attempting to make the case for government-run healthcare, while simultaneously undercutting his own argument, Portsmouth, N.H., Aug. 11, 2009
   
   "What I was suggesting -- you're absolutely right that John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith..." --in an interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos, who jumped in to correct Obama by saying "your Christian faith," which Obama quickly clarified.
   
   "Just this past week, we passed out of the out of the U.S. Senate Banking Committee -- which is my committee -- a bill to call for divestment from Iran as way of ratcheting up the pressure to ensure that they don't obtain a nuclear weapon." --referring to a committee he is not on, Sderot, Israel, July 23, 2008
   
   "On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is particularly strong." There were apprently dead soldiers in the audience!
   
   Gordon Brown presents the new President with: a pen holder carved from the timbers of HMS Gannett, a sister ship of HMS Resolute; the commissioning certificate of HMS Resolute; and a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill. In return, the Prime minister gets 25 DVDS, which don’t work in Britain.
   
   Obama pledges lobbyists won’t work in his White House, then makes 17 exceptions during his first 10 days in office, including Attorney General Eric Holder and Deputy Defense Secretary William Lynn, a former lobbyist for Raytheon.     
   
   “And I believe the nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it.” Gaffe alert: A German invented the automobile.
   
   In the first appearance ever by a sitting president on late-night television, Obama cracks wise with host Jay Leno about his poor abilities as a bowler. Obama remarks his bowling is “like Special Olympics, or something."
   
   You can find more on Youtube!

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   1. 61

      William R. Wilsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, they are just about equidistant but it looks like KY is a little closer. 
      
      
      
      If you watch the whole interview, available on youtube, you can see exactly why Obama said that.  It makes perfect sense in context.  They were talking about how people were making an issue of Obama's supposedly being a Muslim, and Obama said that John McCain hadn't mentioned that. 
      
      I like these Bushisms:
      
      "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
      
      "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
      
      "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001
      
      "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

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         habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Ummm...William, Kentucky and Illinois adjoin! Arkansas and Kentucky don't!

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            William R. Wilsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            
            
            Oh I see.  Lol. The senator from IL vs. the Senator from AR.  Haha.  Maybe us socialists are all bad at geography.  I misunderstood the context.

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               readytoescapeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I would say that is apparent given the location chosen to air such beliefs, and then to be shocked at the response.

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      rhamsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      But you have to admit Bush really did not know what was coming out of his mouth until after he said it.  The clean up was even worse.
      
      More.....
      
      "This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." --George W. Bush, on liquidity in the markets, Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008
      
      "I didn't grow up in the ocean -- as a matter of fact -- near the ocean -- I grew up in the desert. Therefore, it was a pleasant contrast to see the ocean. And I particularly like it when I'm fishing." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2008
      
      "Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008
      
      "We're fixing to go down to Galveston and obviously are going to see a devastated part of this fantastic state." --George W. Bush, Houston, Sept. 16, 2008
      
      "There's no question about it. Wall Street got drunk -- that's one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras -- it got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments." --George W. Bush, speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas, July 18, 2008
      
      "Amigo! Amigo!" --George W. Bush, calling out to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi in Spanish at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
      
      "I want to tell you how proud I am to be the President of a nation that -- in which there's a lot of Philippine-Americans. They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the -- of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House." --George W. Bush, referring to White House chef Cristeta Comerford while meeting with Filipino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Washington, D.C., June 24, 2008
      
      And the best one of all:
      
      There's an old saying in Tennessee.. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee.. that says: fool me once, shame on.. .. shame on you?.. .. Fool me.. you can't get fooled again.

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9. 60

   Originposted 13 years ago

   I'm going to Obama your mamma!
   
   Yes, it's not really a joke. But it rhymes! Ha!

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10. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    I got an email about funny Obama bumper stickers:
    
    
    Obama would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize!
    
    Obamanomics: Kiss Your ASSets goodbye!
    
    Drop the teleprompter and step away from the White House.
    
    Why doesn't Obama pray? He can't read a teleprompter with his eyes closed.
    
    Are we Venezuela yet?
    
    ObamaCare won't be hard to swallow...bend over!
    
    Obama plan of the day: Breakfast, whine, blame Bush, whine, blame FOX, whine, lunch, whine, blame media, whine, dinner, whine, blame Bush, whine, sleep, dream of whining!
    
    Unemployed - that's the only CHANGE I've noticed!
    
    ObamaCare: Just 3 easy payments of 3 trillion dollars!
    
    Bankrupt America? Yes we can!
    
    Thanks to Barack, the nation's going Baroke!
    
    Barack Obama to meet with Castro, Chavez, and Ahmadinejad. Good thing Hitler's dead!
    
    Obama's solution? Blame Bush. Problem solved!
    
    Obama spoke; now I'm broke.
    
    Honk if I'm paying your mortgage.
    
    Barack Obama: A new chapter in American history - Chapter 13.
    
    Barack Obama is loud and makes you feel good, but it's only hot air - much like a fart.
    
    Dont blame me - I voted for the old white guy!

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       getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       You would make a swell Teabagger!

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          habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I think teabagging is reserved for gay males. Sorry, I'm a straight female. Do you know a lot about it?

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             getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             
             
             Sorry you are so sensitive.  Where is your sense of humor?  I know the correct term is Tea Partier.  And, no I don't know anything about teabagging, being that I'm heterosexual.

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11. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    What I find really funny is how Obama supporters have defended him here. Look back over the posts. Not one conservative has jumped to explain Bush's words. Don't you guys have a sense of humor - or you all as thin skinned as BO himself? I'm a moderate conservative, and I've made PLENTY of Bush jokes!  Here's my fave:
    
    Bush is in an important meeting when one of his advisors comes in and whispers to the president, "Mr. President, a terrorist just set off a bomb at Disney World, killing two Brazilian tourists."
    
    Bush put his face in his hands and wept. He became so upset and could not be consoled after almost an hour, that his aides were very concerned about him. They knew he wouldn't be happy about the news, but they had no idea he would take it this hard.
    
    Finally one of them puts his arm around Bush's shoulder and asks, "Mr. President, are you going to be okay?"
    
    Bush responds, "I don't know. I just can't believe the number of lives lost...how many is a bazillion, anyway?"

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    1. 71

       rhamsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I think you see more of a swing towards Bush jokes as so funny is that he was such a moron.  His puppet response to his handlers and the ignorant way he percieved people and their countries.  He is the quintesential "Ugly American".  Totally devoid of understanding that which does not affect him directly.
       
       On the other hand until Obama can be known better by his works we can only see gaffs and misplaced statements that are merely funny.
       
       Bushisms show a lack of intelligence and screwed up thought patterns.

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12. 88

    Shil1978posted 13 years ago

    Obamaisms are good, but nothing compared to Bushisms. They were true gems, they'd never go out of fashion for sure.
    
    Guess, you could frame them up and have a look at whenever you are feeling down. I can't stop giggling/laughing each time I see or hear Bushisms, just can't stop myself!!

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13. 76

    Arthur Fontesposted 13 years ago

    The Economy's So Bad . . .
    
    Obama's economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
    
    It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
    
    Obama's economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.
    
    Obama's economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

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       habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Loved #4 and the one about Cheney!

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    2. 73

       Jeff Berndtposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Top ten things you'll never hear Barack Obama say:
       
       10) "Let's deregulate Wall Street!"
       9) "And with help from the GOP leadership..."
       8) "Today, the last of the US military presence has left Iraq."
       7) "Shut up, Joe!"
       6) "That was my fault."
       5) "You know, the poor just aren't pulling their weight."
       4) "I think I'll take another vacation."
       3) "Rush, what do you think?"
       2) "Actually, I encourage people to watch FOX news."
       1) "Nucyular."

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          habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Palin says "nucular," too! And don't forget Obama's "corpse men'! Maybe he has a thing for zombies??

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14. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    I agree that Bushisms are funny, but in a way, Obamanisms are even funnier to me BECAUSE he's supposed to be so smart. I mean, come on, when you have an Ivy Leaguer refer to there being 57 states? That's rich! And I love the Biden gaffes! I don't, however, find Cheney funny at all. I find him scary!

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15. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    Good ones, Jeff!

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16. 67

    MikeNVposted 13 years ago

    "What I find really funny is how Obama supporters have defended him here. Look back over the posts. Not one conservative has jumped to explain Bush's words. Don't you guys have a sense of humor - or you all as thin skinned as BO himself? I'm a moderate conservative, and I've made PLENTY of Bush jokes!"
    
    Exactly it's just a joke thread.  Bush said a lot of really stupid and funny things.  I find the Bush jokes very funny too.
    
    "Obama's economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail."
    
    I find this one of the funniest.

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17. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    I have a great sense of humor, but I thought you were accusing me of some strange sexual act. Oh, the TEA Party? No, I'm not a member or supporter, but my ultra-conservative husband is. Funny, you didn't think I was a far left-winger when I posted the Bush joke! I find humor everywhere - including in myself!

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       getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       I find humor in everything, as well.  I'm a moderate in my political views.

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          habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Good to know!

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          1. 59

             Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             Are you a fan of blonde jokes?

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                habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                I LOVE blonde jokes! and fat jokes!! Check this one out:
                
                2 blondes are walking out in the woods when they come upon some tracks. One says, "Oh look, deer tracks!" The other says, "Those aren't deer tracks! They're elk tracks!." "Deer tracks!" "Elk tracks!" This went on for awhile, until the train ran over them.
                
                Know why I can't wear my Tommy Hilfiger jacket anymore? Helicopters kept trying to land on my back!
                
                Ron, I'll let you in a secret, though - I'm only blonde in the summer because of the pool, the tanning bed, and the sun. The rest of the year I have dark hair. I'm fat all year, however!

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18. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    Ron, I thought you were going to share some good blonde jokes??

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