Barack Obama Jokes

1. 66

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   We all need a good chuckle when it comes to Barack Obama, he's done such a horrible job as President that we need to laugh.  Here's some of the most recent ones.  Feel free to add your own.
   
   Have you heard what BP really stands for? Barack's Petrina.
   -Flightkeeper
   
   President Obama says he would have fired BP CEO Tony Hayward if he worked for him. Unfortunately, the White House works for BP, so his hands are tied.
   -Jay Leno
   
   President Obama is going to visit India this November, in response to Prime Minister Singh's invitation, though mostly, he's going over there to visit our jobs.
   -Jimmy Fallon
   
   President Obama spoke at Kalamazoo's central high school graduation ceremony in Michigan. He told the students they could be anything they want to be, but if they could be oil leak experts, that could be great." -Jimmy Fallon
   
   What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.  The other is for housing prisoners.
   -David Letterman
   
   Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?  Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
   -Conan O'Brien

   replyreport
   1. 63

      Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      ROFLMAO, that one is good!

      replyreport
   2. 0

      Dchosen_01posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Take a look at these jokes.
      This hub has three nice jokes in it. You will love it and laugh hard if you understand what the three jokes are saying
      
      http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-not-take-a- … hese-jokes
      
      This other one is just so funny and at the same time stupid.
      
      http://hubpages.com/hub/Who-is-to-be-blamed
      
      I am sure you will be happy to spend your few minutes on these two hubs

      replyreport
   3. 0

      Deborah Sextonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      ________________________________
      Not to be a wet blanket, but outsourcing work to India started a long time before Obama.
      
      Carry on

      replyreport
      1. 49

         BigChiefLtdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         That's true... it started during the Clinton Administration, as did NAFTA. And just as Ross Perot predicted, "That SUCKING sound you'll hear will be your jobs going south of the Border."
         
         Seems like the jobs that needed actual technical skills went to India and other countries.

         replyreport
         1. 60

            olodarkwriterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Timex Corporation offered my dad a job in their new plant in Taiwan in 1967. He was laid off in 1982 after they moved all their Little Rock facilities overseas.

            replyreport
   4. 0

      Deborah Sextonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      __________
      You mean he's done a horrible job trying to clean up the two Bush's messes..It takes time, and some things that are broken can't be fixed

      replyreport
      1. 61

         kiragirl04posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         THANK YOU!

         replyreport
   5. 61

      dannyjohnson1027posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Smart leader is to use funny joke and firm decision-making to stimulate enthusiasm!
      
      

      replyreport
2. 66

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster to fix the Gulf disaster? -Jay Leno

   replyreport
3. 66

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   

   replyreport
4. 60

   ediggityposted 13 years ago

   President Obama is going to visit India this November, in response to Prime Minister Singh's invitation, though mostly, he's going over there to visit our jobs.
   -Jimmy Fallon
   
   
   The phone customer service reps kill me.  They start off, "hello, thank you for calling (insert random company name here), my name is Steve"
   
   
   Me:
   Wait a second man, there's no way your name is Steve.

   replyreport
5. 67

   SparklingJewelposted 13 years ago

   here's a whole website dedicated to Obama jokes
   
   http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bara … ajokes.htm
   
   one of many:
   
   "Today, by the way, is our president, President Obama's, one-year anniversary in office. I looked it up. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate." -Jimmy Kimmel

   replyreport
   1. 75

      Sweetsusiegposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ok, yep... This one is GREAT!!!  ROTHFLMAO over here!!!

      replyreport
6. 67

   SparklingJewelposted 13 years ago

   "Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno
   
   
   "President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, 'You guys first.'" --Seth Meyers

   replyreport
7. 66

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.
   - unattributed

   replyreport
8. 0

   Onusonusposted 13 years ago

   Q: What is the President Obama's new fitness program to get people walking again?
   A: GAS at $3/gallon

   replyreport
9. 0

   Onusonusposted 13 years ago

   Q: Why is Obama giving tax cuts like Jim Jones giving Kool-Aid?
   A: It tastes good but it'll kill you.

   replyreport
10. 0

    Onusonusposted 13 years ago

    Q: How does the Obama administration plan to fix social security?
    A: By taking the word SECURITY out of it.

    replyreport
11. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "While he was in Mississippi yesterday, President Obama ate mini crab cakes, fried shrimp and shrimp salad sandwiches to show Americans that seafood from the Gulf Coast is safe to eat. And if you don't believe Obama ate all that stuff, just ask our new president, Joe Biden. He'll tell you." –Jimmy Fallon
    
    "President Obama also ordered a lemon-lime snow cone on the beach. A little awkward. Obama was like, 'Forget the oil spill for a minute. Can we figure out how to fix the leaks in the bottom of these paper cone things?'" –Jimmy Fallon

    replyreport
12. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Barack Obama has one very effective foreign policy. Bush did it. - Flightkeeper

    replyreport
13. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    How does Obama stay so physically fit and trim?
    
    He's still running his Election Campaign; and golfing.

    replyreport
14. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Astronomers have spotted an object in space that they say is potentially dangerous, yet for a year it's just sat out there and has done nothing. For that, they've named the object COMET OBAMA. - RadioFree Rocky D
    
    And marine biologists have spotted the deepest living fish ever, near the ocean floor at the Earth's lowest point. They're calling it, the Barack Obama Approval Ratings Fish. - RadioFree Rocky D
    
    Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
    A. Because it would be racist.
    - unattributed

    replyreport
15. 79

    Uninvited Writerposted 13 years ago

    Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

    replyreport
    1. 60

       teddi6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I thought so, too.

       replyreport
       1. 81

          ReuVeraposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Some of those jokes are not only funny, but also clever.... Try to get them.

          replyreport
          1. 49

             BigChiefLtdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             No, no! Don't you get it? They're Obamanites. They've had their sense of humor surgically removed and things are only funny to them when the target is George Bush!

             replyreport
    2. 60

       hardinflashposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Most of these have me laughing

       replyreport
    3. 61

       susanlangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       @U writer:  yes U. Writer, they are...and it is funny!

       replyreport
16. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though." - unattributed

    replyreport
17. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
    1. 62

       pisean282311posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       

       replyreport
18. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, 'We really should change the curtains.'" —Craig Ferguson

    replyreport
19. 92

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    I loved Bush jokes; now it's Obama's turn!
    
    What's the difference in God and Obama?
    
    God doesn't think he's Obama.

    replyreport
    1. 60

       logic,commonsenseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       habee, that's awesome!

       replyreport
    2. 61

       susanlangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       @habee  (laughing)  But sweet habee, but about the folks who don't
       
       believe in God?

       replyreport
20. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A fundraiser. - Jay Leno

    replyreport
21. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
22. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Today, President Obama finally met with BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked." —Jimmy Fallon

    replyreport
23. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    [re: President Obama's oil spill speech}"He assured the nation that the gulf will be cleaned up and restored to even greater beauty and prosperity. Well, you know what that means. He's started drinking. That's the only possible explanation." –David Letterman

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       haha yeah.
       
       ...or inhaling again....

       replyreport
       1. 66

          Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          So true, how do we really know that's a cigarette he's holding in his mouth?

          replyreport
          1. 61

             susanlangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             @Flightkeeper  lol    Go ask  Bill Clinton!

             replyreport
24. 59

    formerbronxboyposted 13 years ago

    His initials (BO) should have told you he would stink. Ah ha, an original.

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       As in
       Bad Omen

       replyreport
25. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama is losing support from his own party over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. Jimmy Carter even compared him to Jimmy Carter. - Jay Leno

    replyreport
26. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    People are upset with BP CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. When President Obama heard that he was relaxing, he missed a putt. - David Letterman

    replyreport
27. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    How did Obama react to his teleprompters being stolen? He was speechless. - unattributed

    replyreport
28. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama has issued an Executive Order for federal agencies to cease using the term "Illegal Aliens." From this point forward, they're to be called "Undocumented Democrats." - unattributed

    replyreport
29. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The Russian president wanted to pick up the check, but Obama said, “Don’t worry about it, just charge it to our grandchildren.” - Jay Leno

    replyreport
30. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    It took three days to end a tennis match at Wimbledon. That’s just one more thing that Obama couldn’t stop. - David Letterman

    replyreport
31. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama said, after firing Gen. McChrystal, that you don’t criticize your bosses. That’s the same reason Obama never says anything bad about the Chinese. - Jay Leno

    replyreport
32. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
33. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
34. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Marie Antoinette said “Let them eat cake.”
    Barack Obama says”Let them eat arugula”
    - unattributed

    replyreport
    1. 60

       teddi6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Is arugula supposed to be the elitist salad green?
       
       Well, call me elitist, because I've been eating it for years - for health reasons....even when Bush was president.
       
       Funny, I'm reading the thread, and as a person who has roots in New Orleans I find in a shame that Katrina, Bush's Chappaquiddick, has been so neatly pushed under the proverbial rug.  That part of the south will feel the wrath of Katrina for many, many years.
       
       Also, I'm probably one of few "out minority conservatives" who believes in waiting for the clean up before the finger pointing begins.  Did we not learn anything from Katrina? 
       
       It was not George who flubbed, but his bubble headed co-horts.
       
       The Gulf has taken a terrible second hit, and it will taken generations for the affects to subside.  Just think, Obama may have oil on his crisp white Pendleton, but, even the next president will have to absorbe the affects of the BP spill.

       replyreport
       1. 60

          ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Are you being serious?  The Government of New Orleans Knew that the Levy built by the Army Corps of Engineers wasn't up to code for almost 40 years.  Additionally, former President Bush's original request to assume control of State National Guard was denied by Blanco, so your big word for incident is better suited for the Government of New Orleans.
          
          here are some sources you may like to read:
          
          http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/rele … prelim.pdf
          
          http://www.ce.berkeley.edu/projects/neworleans/
          
          http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/rele … evee.shtml
          
          http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/rele … mony.shtml
          
          and lastly:
          
          http://www.ce.berkeley.edu/projects/new … /CH_12.pdf
          
          The leadership failures that contributed to the events we witnessed on the Gulf Coast last August and September began long, long before Katrina came ashore. It literally took centuries to make the mistakes that rolled together to make Katrina such a vast natural and human-made calamity. First, for hundreds of years, people have been constructing and placing large amounts of precious (human lives) and expensive (infrastructure, homes, communities) value in New Orleans and along the Gulf Coast in the known path of severe storms. Second, for decades, we have been living with inadequately designed, built, or maintained
          12 - 4
          New Orleans Levee Systems
          Independent Levee Hurricane Katrina
          Investigation Team July 31, 2006
          man-made protections (levees, building codes, pumps, and so on), and have pursued policies and interventions that actively contributed to the destruction of the natural buffers (salt marshes, dunes, and other natural barriers) against the hazards created by placing value in harm's way. Third for years - at least since 9/11, but even before that - we have known that we had systems of preparation and response that would prove inadequate against truly large scale disasters. Fourth, in the days and hours before Katrina's landfall, we failed to mobilize as effectively as we might have those systems that we did have in place. And fifth, the days following the impact, we did not execute even the things that we were prepared to do as quickly and smoothly as we should have. How do we not, in the future, find ourselves again with those same regrets? Our work needs to begin with a judicious and honest assessment of threats, followed by investments in prevention and mitigation and by construction of response systems that will be equal to a larger of class of disturbances than we have previously allowed ourselves to contemplate.”

          replyreport
       2. 0

          Twenty One Daysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Arugula, it is veg-e-tab-le. old kitchen humor.

          replyreport
35. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Things Overheard During President Obama's Meeting with Tony Hayward"
    
    10. "So, what's new?"
    
    9. "Careful, you're getting oil all over the Oval Office."
    
    8. "Before I start kicking asses, would any of you like some sparkling water?"
    
    7. "Speaking of leaks, where is the men's room?"
    
    6. "Thanks for giving my administration something to worry about besides two wars, a crushing debt, global warming and the worst economy in 70 years."
    
    5. "20 billion?! Hell, I got that on me."
    
    4. "Tony, I forgave you the second I heard that dreamy British accent."
    
    3. "Gotta keep this short, I'm meeting with the president of Indonesia about that smoking baby."
    
    2. "(Vice President Joe) Biden, please, enough with the vuvuzela."
    
    1. "How can we blame this on (former President George W.) Bush and (former Vice President Dick) Cheney?"
    
    - David Letterman

    replyreport
36. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
37. 74

    allpurposeguruposted 13 years ago

    Fun thread. Hey, we gotta laugh at our Presidents, congresscreatures, etc. How else could we stand them?

    replyreport
38. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama told the residents of the Florida coastal area that he is with them for the long haul, or at least until 2012." –Jay Leno

    replyreport
39. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    ''UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? It's the Post Office that's always having problems.''
    —Barack Obama, attempting to make the case for government-run healthcare, while simultaneously undercutting his own argument, Portsmouth, N.H., Aug. 11, 2009

    replyreport
    1. 79

       Uninvited Writerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Don't get it. I thought the USPS was not government run anymore?

       replyreport
       1. 59

          Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          The United States Postal Service is not run by the United States Federal Government?
          
          Of course its run by the US government, the first clue is that it loses money, the second clue is it loses money!

          replyreport
          1. 66

             Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             She's from Canada, Jim which is why she doesn't get it.

             replyreport
             1. 59

                Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Oh, Canada.
                
                I see.

                replyreport
          2. 68

             Tammy Lposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             The third clue is it can't do anything right.

             replyreport
       2. 61

          susanlangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          @ U Writer, so did I. Looks like we were wrong!

          replyreport
40. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The Obamas invited members of Congress to a picnic at the White House. They played all the classic picnic games: wiffle ball, capture the flag, and their favorite game: ignore the oil spill. - Jimmy Fallon

    replyreport
41. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    A lot of people are upset and wondering why President Obama is willing to sit down with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad but not BP CEO Tony Hayward. I think Obama is afraid — Ahmadinejad only threatened to destroy the world and Hayward is actually doing it. - Jay Leno

    replyreport
42. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama treated visiting Russian president Dmitri Medvedev to a cheeseburger deluxe for lunch.  It was Obama's way of trying to cut the budget deficit.

    replyreport
43. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    He really can't help himself.
    
    
    
    

    replyreport
    1. 68

       Tammy Lposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Obama: "I use Head & Shoulders. See?"

       replyreport
44. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
45. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
    A. America.
    -Jimmy Fallon

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Love all these!

       replyreport
       1. 66

          Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hi Brenda, nice to see you again.  Feel free to contribute to the thread with any Obama jokes of your own that you make up or come across.

          replyreport
46. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
    A: Bo has papers.
    -Jimmy Kimmel

    replyreport
47. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise visit to Iraq. It was a surprise for Biden because he thought he was going to Des Moines for a fundraiser. - Jay Leno
    
    Okay it's about Biden not Obama, I just couldn't pass it up.

    replyreport
48. 66

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

    replyreport
    1. 63

       Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       ROFL. To be fair, Bush was chopping off this tail, too

       replyreport
       1. 66

          Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Yes, but it was a smaller tail.

          replyreport
49. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Why do we never see Michelle Obama wearing pink speedos?
    
    'Cause all her feminine clothes and lingerie got all stretched out after Barack and Barney Frank played dress-up with them.
    
    
    -nonanonymous-

    replyreport
50. 79

    Uninvited Writerposted 13 years ago

    While I will ignore the insults I am sure I remember reading somewhere that it was now run by private interests.
    
    Ah, I get it now. It's an independent agency of the govt. So, yet, still government. Our postal system is crap too...

    replyreport
    1. 59

       Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       What insults? I was unaware that you were in Canada, sorry if my ignorance about your location offends you I didn't mean for it to.

       replyreport