I ask this question because it has happened to me and my husband. While we were dating we would sit and speak about all kinds of crazy things. We sat and told each other our stalker experiences over a glass of wine, trying to laugh it off but really scared s#itless just reliving it.
It felt a bit awkward but it helped us realize we were not alone. We began to hear that this even happened to our friends. Almost each and every single one had had an experience with someone that had a few screws loose in the head.
Thank Goodness I was never a victim of stalking. Being stalked can be very dangerous and intimidating.
I have been a victim of not only stalking, but I was asked basically to be this mans whore while working my job. If you're interested in that story you can read my hub " I was asked to be a whore today." Working at the mall, is where most of these creeps see me. I guess they figure I have to be nice to them, because i'm in a work environment. As far as the stalking story, I was stalked by this guy who was in love with me and I flat out told him to back off, and he still wrote me letters and tried to bribe me with gifts and dates until I had to call mall security. Sigh. :-(
My daughter recently was being stalked by her ex. It was so creepy especially at night. Her ex would show up at all hours of the day and night. Hide in bush's etc....
Oh yeah, thats their favorite spot - the bushes, behind trees and cars. I know that as a parent you must feel so afraid for your child and it sucks to not be able to protect them as much as you did when they were little and unable to go out alone. I hope that your daughter is okay.
I feel as though I am a victim too..............I am always looking over my shoulder watching... He just will not go away.... I have talked to him when he has been caught, keeping things on a light level but it never seems to work. I fear for my daughter the most. She is only 20.
Thanks. I am hoping by this weird experience, that my daughter will learn more about the guys she gets involved with.........
You know I have found that when I give my daughter advice, she gives me this look as if I think I know it all, it just pisses me off because she gets into things anyway. They do not believe that the things we say are to keep them from getting hurt.
I know exactly what you mean. My guard was up and she went about life like ta de da. I wanted to scream. We had to change the locks, file a restraining order, keep all the windows, doors etc. locked up at night. It has been a nightmare as well as a pain in the butt.
Re Mrs B, these men can be hard to spot. They can be charming, they can manipulate and try to make the person feel guilty. The person I recently left, I learnt, that he could send out an empathetic feeling whilst saying mean things to me. I suddenly understood the way they can manipulate emotions when you are not aware of it.
I also note that they can attempt to turn it around and make it as if it was you. Also, these men are often liked by your family or defended by your own mother. In my situation, my mother would probably stand up for any male against me, yet that is how my mother is and she worked for psychiatrists who filled her full of drugs... (she was what I term a boy mother. Her son could do no wrong, but her daughter was always 'the problem'. It may also be a reflection of my mothers relationship with my fathers mother?! Umm too deep, ...
Yet it is so, some of these men can be very very odd.
Some of these men, have degrees and "good families" often they have lawyers as friends or family. Its not always easy to pick and if they are insistent others can even make you feel bad for not going out with them.
that is creepy..
sadly, some are stalked and don't realize it. stricktlydating just published a hub about being followed home from a club one night in a taxi. her taxi driver noticed and asked her if someone was meeting her and when she said no, he kept driving until she could safely enter her home from another entrance.
I think every woman would benefit from reading Gavin de Becker's book, The Gift of Fear. It talks about survival signals and how to stay safe.
and now it happens everywhere. online stalking is just as creepy.
reading your reply gave me the chills. I wrote down the title of the book you suggested and the author gavin de becker. I will BUY it without a doubt.
as for strictly datin's hub I am going to check it out right now... thank goodness the taxi driver was observant.
have you ever noticed how no one really pays attention to who's around, what's around etc....
because of my daughter's ex... i have become so much more observant.
I know we are not supposed to self promote BUT I wrote a story about a stalking experience if you would like to check it out. The book rebekahELLE mentioned is listed on the page as well, http://hubpages.com/hub/Somebodys-Watching-Me-
I will absolutely read somebody's watching me. Self promote who cares....
Yeah took me approx 3 years to get rid of my ex............ he used to call my voicemail and check my voice messages - I didn't realise he was doing this until her heard another guy leaving a message and called me and started giving out and shouting why is this guy leaving me messages - we were over well over a year at this stage.................. it was scarey...............!!
Yes, and I liked it. Until she started sneaking into my house when I was sleeping. Then the police needed to come have a chat with her.
...yup...most recently my neybor...i took care of it....he's gone.....it was weird....it's all better
It usually is a neighbor or someone you work with. I'm glad to hear it was resolved.
...i read PD's response below ....i sort of did the same thing in a round about way... 'cept i was a lot faster......
Thanks Someway... I'm pleased that someone read my post 'In Context' as opposed to not reading the whole content of the thread Before they considered what I said as 'Silly.'
So many good points are lost in the ether when people scramble over each other to make a point... (Including his one probably )
Yep I've nailed a few Rats in what I assume to be the same way as you Someone... It is a lot quicker! It works on Moose too!
It took me 4 years to get rid of a Stalker that used to follow me around!
I don't know whose Hedgehog it was - But Nobody claimed the little prick after I'd run him over!
Yes, I have been stalked. It's creepy and scary when you repeatedly tell someone to get lost, in the most clear way possible, and they still come around.
Mine would leave notes on my car, gifts at my door, and even showed up at my workplace to leave gifts.
Now that I've moved to a different state, he still turns up online following me around.
What if he loves you? Really? Did you try to talk to him? To find out what exactly he is trying to do?
that is cyberstalking. Unbelieveable! That is why I do not have a twitter account, why should I let people know where I am all the time? what I'm eating or drinking? Where I am hanging out? TMI to be giving out. I just dont get it. That is a perfect opening for someone to cause harm to you.
I hope home girl isn't being serious. PrettyPanther you told the guy CLEARLY to back off and he didn't respect your wishes. That is stalking. The attention was unwanted and spiraled into an obsession. Love is BETWEEN two people...
Those that get obsessed or so far gone into their fantasy world that they just don't get rejection. Its like they do not hear it. They probably think any kind of attention they get from the victim telling them to stop, get away, is good. They take it as a sign of the victim loving them back because they were noticed. Ewwww. They are just so warped. Just makes me get goosebumps just thinking about it.
Three times by women aged between 50 and 65.
One of them was really weird. One day I found some CDs in my mailbox. I had no idea where they'd come from. Two or three days later, the police knocked on my door and found the CDs in my flat, which I had reportedly stolen from my stalker. Of course, after my explanation, the police left with the CDs, and I never heard another thing about the incident - nor from my stalker.
Yes, once in college. This girl was in all the same classes as me (which I thought was weird, because it was a big university and I hardly ever had the same classmates in multiple classes) and she always found a way to sit near me, even when I would sit in the middle of a big lecture hall. She would do weird things in class like take off her socks and shoes and laugh loudly at inappropriate times (and she wasn't reading a book or anything, so she must have just been laughing at something in her head). Then she started leaving notes (I won't go into detail, but this is where I started to get a little creeped out) under my door. I wasn't as concerned as I probably should have been, probably because I was fairly big and athletic and she was a petite Asian girl who probably didn't weigh 90 pounds.
I would later find out through a police report in the school paper that she was a mentally ill former student who had been kicked out the prior semester. She had been living in dorm room bathrooms at night and would spend the day in the library (and my classes). She was arrested after being found sleeping in a bathroom after being told to leave the campus. I hope she got the help she needed.
May be she just wanted smb.'s attention, may be you should have talked to her. May be she just was desperate and did not have a place to go? It's so easy to get "mental" diagnosis. Did you ever try to speak to her, DB?
Well the notes she left made it pretty clear she was mentally ill, along with her behavior (like laughing hysterically during an economics test, taking off her socks and smelling them in the middle of a packed lecture hall). Also, some of the witness accounts that came forward after she was arrested made it clear she was very unstable.
I'm not sure if talking to her would have been good for either of us. Looking back, I probably should have alerted campus safety after I started receiving the notes. We just didn't take things like that seriously back then. With the shootings at Virginia Tech and the deranged young man in Arizona, I think mental illness on college campuses is taken much more seriously today.
DB, You are one of the lucky ones. She could have tried to do something to you. It doesn't matter how petite she may have been, these mentally ill people have strength that comes from who knows where, it is ridiculous.
There was no reason for you to even try to befriend this person. That just would have made it worse for you. The best thing to do is report them, ASAP. You should never feel bad about reporting someone that is harrassing you. Its either you or them.
Glad to hear that she was caught.
I'm in college so I had to laugh a little at the taking off of her socks and smelling them... and sleeping in the community bathroom (EW) but obviously she was ill in the head and didn't need to be in a college environment. I hope she gets the help and perhaps medicine she needs so she can live a normal life, and not continue to practice these odd behaviors.
Oh Wow.... Now I feel So Guilty for never offering to talk to the Hedgehog
Ohno... Maybe it was just short of friends, or lonely, or genuinely liked my company or..... Ohno..
I have been stalked four times, three times ending successfully in legal action.
4 times!!! it's incredible. What kind of area do you live in? Is it in fashion to stalk each other at your place? Or is it like nothing else for people to do?
Could you just buy some rat poison and invite guys for an ice-cream treat? Much cheaper I think than legal action.
It cost me nothing to report crimes to the authorities; and justice was done.
These were people I had known for a short time previously: one of my health care people, a supervisor, two students (one female), and a student's parent, now that I remember (that case went away by itself).
That is a Really Bad sign of the times, but a good ratio of legal recourse!
I decided it was a waste of time getting a legal beagle involved.. some dogs.. you know.. like Hedgehogs
I just saved time and.... Ran em Over
Good... Someone Had To!!!
Look at all those 'followers' attached to everywhere you go!!
Your Legal expenses must be horrendous
No Wonder you are such a Prolific writer
Sheesh you poor thing...
A set of Steel Belted Tires can save a lot of legal bills!
But it leaves you always afraid to meet Hedgehogs on a dark street!
I'll wear a miner's hat.
Luckily, no legal expenses so far - report the crime and it's in the police's court, so to speak. And on the Internet, there is always "block" and "delete." Very inexpensive.
It really isn't funny. I didn't take my first stalker too seriously. I even referred to her jokingly as my groupie or fan. When I changed my job and address, she vanished. The second one taught me what a serious matter it is when the police turned up on my doorstep. The third one got a restraining order the moment I realised what was going on.
Women often feel more vulnerable than men, which makes it more than just creepy.
It was pretty anxiety-provoking at the time, but I know the steps to take now, the system works with me when I have a stalker, and I can laugh at my own turmoil back then. What is really unfunny is this one -- We had a lady here that was stalked by her ex-husband. He was sentenced to a several-yr prison term in another state. He presented himself well at a parole hearing, was released , returned here to meet her as she was coming out of her front door to go to work ithe next morning, and stabbed her 17 times to death.
He told the judge that the knife slipped in an accidental stabbing. The judge asked "17 times" and sentenced him to return to prison.
Stalking is serious and laughter is healing. I don't for a minute say to laugh about anyone's current stalker.
Do you work with the public?
I had my 'stalker problems' when I was working in bars where there were a lot of regular guests. That made things awkward, because I always wanted to remain polite. I did tackle my last one, though, but she kept laughing it off and, in spite of my being 'offish', continued appearing in various places where I happened to be at least 3 times a day. In this city, I'm lucky if I meet people I know 3 times a decade by pure coincidence. It was my boss, who considered her crazy anyway, who suggested the restraining order. I guess she must have been so shocked at receiving it that she never showed her face again.
The trouble with people like that, is that you can't know what extremes they're prepared to go to, hence the incident you describe.
Yes, I am and was working with the public during these events. It's really bad when they show up at work. Glad your situations have been resolved.
I must admit, I do flirt quite a bit, but I only work with tourists nowadays - good tips but no stalkers.
That is really sad about the lady who got stabbed. There was an incident back in NY where a girl I knew was waiting outside the Family Court on line to get in. She had to appear for a case regarding child support that involved her ex boyfriend, the one she had the child with. She went to have the case dropped because she didn't want to deal with child support or anything to do with the man any longer.
She had gotten a restraining order against him because he would harrass her at work, follow her when she went out and caused scenes everywhere she was. Even with the restarining order he still followed her around. She would call the cops but by the time they got there he was gone.
Last I heard she was planning on moving to Florida with family for a while because she just could not take it anymore. So there she was on the line with her mother and the baby was in a stroller. The ex S.O.B. just walked right up to her and shot her in the head in front of everyone. He was tackled by police and arrested immediately.
I heard about the incident while watching the news that same night. I could not believe it. It took something like that to happen to this poor girl for him to get arrested.
These cases are tragic.
I think where ex-husbands / boyfriends etc. are involved, more than a restraining order is necessary. It's obvious, since these things happen all too often. But never is enough done, or nothing at all, until it's too late.
You are so right Camlo, it would be good if action was taken for not only men but women as well. Do you remember the Diane Borchardt Story? She hired students to kill her husband because he wanted a divorce. AnnMargret played her in the LifeTime movie.
Yes, I saw that movie. It's one of those you don't forget.
My thoughts were just based on assumption - that men commit such crimes more often than women. Of course, any case could end tragically for all anyone knows, and all should be handled seriously and effectively, which none seem to be.
I've been stalked once by this one guy I used to work with. Although it was kind of my own damn fault. You see, I met the guy at a bus stop while coming home from work, and i was still in my uniform at the time. he asked me if the place I was working at was hiring, and i said yes they were. then he goes on telling me how he was recently laid off too like i was and blah blah blah... anyways, to make a long story short, i told the guy that i would put in a good word for him, to help him out.
of course, my boss hired him, but there was one problem...he misinterpreted my intentions of why i was helping him out, and developed some sort of weird crush on me. don't get me wrong, i have no problems with people that are gay, as i have a lot of gay friends. however, all i ask of them is to respect and acknowledge my right to be straight. i don't see how that's asking for much, but not to him. if anything, i think the guy was sexually attracted me. like he wanted to quote "hang out", so i agreed to meet with him to have lunch and catch a movie. however, when it came time to go our separate ways, he cried like a damn baby at the bus stop just because i refused to take the bus all the way up to his damn house, when he knew that the bus i needed to get on to get home was going in the opposite direction.
then to make matters worse, he managed to look up my phone number through the files at work, and he started calling me at weird hours of the night around 3 am and such to say how he quote, "missed me." to remedy this, i got a different cell number, and lied to him saying that i couldn't afford a phone anymore. wink wink. however, the next day he shows me plans for a new phone saying how HE would pay for my phone bill and buy me a new phone. saying i wouldn't have to pay for it at all. naturally i had to decline, but did he listen? Hell no. he kept bringing it up over and over again all f***ing day.
Let's just say after reporting him to my supervisor and having a confrontation with the stalker finally got everything resolved, as he no longer bothers me. i guess this is why im too damn nice for my own good sometimes, as i should know better than to ever help out strangers.
Ouch! Sometimes when you are nice it is taken as more then just being nice to some. They perceive it as flirtation. Weird but you already know from experience what I mean. I know the feeling and it sucks.
Thanks Julie for saying that. Yeah, I think people have the tendency to read too much into things sometimes. The thing is even after the guy started working with me, I didn't try to talk to him if at all, as im usually anti-social with people that i work with. don't ask why, as it's a bit of a long story. Yet, he always went out of HIS way to talk to me. Which makes me wonder how he could've gotten it into his damn head that i liked him in that way. Oh well. I guess people tend to see things they want to believe. At least the guy wasn't like one of those insane psychos. Anyways, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you too though, as I hope you and your husband no longer have to worry about anything like that.
My best friend was being stalked when we were 17 and in college. I came to the rescue and ended up marrying the guy. Now, that's a REAL friend!
I was stalked back at the start of Year 12. It was during the holidays and since we lived out of town my dad would often drop me off downtown so I could look around the shops, the library or meet up with friends. Since dad worked he'd often drop me off before the shops opened. One morning I saw a guy who looked about 25 wearing a blue shirt watching me as I sat and read a book to pass the time. There weren't many people where I was so I went into a shop and he followed. Throughout the day I saw him on and off and went to the cop shop and mentioned it. They gave me a phone number to ring if there were any more problems.
I met up with some friends and didn't see him again - that day. Another day that week I saw him again and so I went to the public library and sat upstairs to read. He came in and sat opposite me. I freaked out and asked the librarian to call the police phone number. The police turned up and took him away - I never heard what happened, but they said they'd try and scare him a little.
I never saw him again fortunately - he never talked to me or tried to do anything, just followed me. But it was very scary at the time!
wow, lots of people with stalker experiences, I had one who was going to wrap me in glad wrap and then a difficult relationship with someone else, from whom I learnt about how the energy is cycled through the psychicatric system. You may often find someone diagnosed has a family member who does tooo brilliantly, has too much work..etc like a politician with too many portfolios and excess energy cycles....
Or someone who is famous, often one of their siblings is in hospital. Their need to see their family member creates a distortion through the collective unconscious, as does the links with the other persons life. Where you might say the distorted behavior of one is actually their energy being fed to the other sibling, child, husband or wife.
So, once you learn and understand how bizarre it all is and how political cycles use the stalkers as the energy to keep you frightened. The legal vote is one of the main vote getters in any election. So, each side tries to make the other look bad if it will get them votes. The law and order vote.
It is even more bizarre than that, yet this is the simplest explaination to give at the moment.
Time frames may also be used,.. to try and bring back in a time when one person was sucessful, thus distorting the others behavior.
I have been noting one here, especially lately and want to check the dates of the admission cycles, as they may correspond to other important dates, either by astrology or something political or religious.
IT REALLY IS STRANGER THAN FICTION!
Note also, there are those that test your boundaries, yet when you do something that is nowhere near what they did to you, they suddenly claim they are a victim. Yet they know the truth.
Note also, I have also had a bosses wife walk past me and say something about me wanting her husband. I didnt want her husband. I had liked someone else I had worked for in the past, yet I understand the difference between imagination and reality.
I had one man I worked with who used to offer me all sorts of holidays etc and stays at hotels and spas, it was getting quite creepy actually. I was younger then too. Then we all went to a party at his home and his wife was there and I felt so guilty, yet I had no intention of having anything to do with him, yet I felt the guilt.
I think too, often women imagine or may create fantasy relationships, yet when or if it ever was in front of them the would run away, as it was not what they intended and that is something. But I dont know, Ive never had an affair.
When a woman keeps having those crazy fantasy's about her husband and co-worker that just means that she didn't trust him. It really didn't have anything to do with you. I can understand if you were being flirty flirty then she would have a reason to get that way with you but you didn't do anything so it was all her.
Ive also learnt that some send out the sexual energy. Yet there are others who know how to hold their energy so they are not sending that message out. It is good to know the difference and if it is meant for you or to bring someone else in, or just their general energy.
Women especially, often walk with their sensual vibration around them and it is part of who they are, yet it is not saying "here I am Im yours."
Oh dear, I just thought about a song "Here I am baby..Im signed sealed delivered Im yours.", Yet, those lines seem like a car! Umm a chattel or possession?!!!
On the other hand, I was thinking of a man who was at the swimming pool and I found him attractive. I thought he might have liked me too. Anyway, one morning, I went swimming and looked to see who was in each lane and had these funny little slipper thongs that had love hearts on them. I sat at the end of the pool. All the lanes had 2 people in them, except one, and I was sitting and looking to choose which lane. Next to me were a pair of thongs. They were lovely thongs, really smooth designer thongs that I actually thought were a womans. I looked down the lane and thought it was a young blondish boy.
I began to swim and discovered that the person in the lane was the man I had found attractive. I didnt even know if he had a wedding ring or not. Anyway, I got quite flustered and swam immediately to the other end of the pool, fast and as I got there put my hands on my hips. He was at the other end, not understanding any of it.
In my head, Id been through the crush, the thoughts of romance, the inability to even speak when he was there and by the time I had the hands on my hips, it was the finish of my crush. I could not feel that way about someone I hardly knew....
One of the older women in the next lane was asking me something and I was having difficulty breathing as I had swum so quickly away, I said no, its just that I find him attractive... which she was surprised about. It didnt mean I wanted..... I just liked the look and feel of the person. Yet I couldnt even speak to him.
Anyway, when I got out of the pool, I realized how silly it looked with where my shoes had been. It had not been intentional to put them there, yet it looked odd. And I did like the person, yet didnt know how to even say hello. I had been planning on moving too, so I had tried one day to get the courage up to speak to him and just couldnt.
Been stalked over the Internet and it doesn't feel good. It is sad that there are people like that out there. It didn't stop me from writing. The only thing that has had me slow down lately is depression and the loss of mom but I am getting better. My recommendation when it happens is report it, document and notify the proper authorities and parties never ever live in fear.
Oh that's so sad. That's why you haven't been around. I hope you're ok.
AEvans, depression does mess with a person and hard too. I hope you come out of it. I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad in November and it was so sudden, I am still in shock.
Back to you, try to think of the good times and smile even if you cry at the same time. Its ok.
by Debra Allen 8 years ago
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Are you stalking me, WeddingConsultant? 'Cause if you are, I'm flattered. I've never been stalked before. Haha!
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