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Secret Words That Improve Your Online Dating Profile

Updated on May 2, 2023
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I'm an eclectic gal with many diverse interests. They include relationships, film, trivia, and an assortment of other things.

Love sculpture (public domain)
Love sculpture (public domain)

Get Dates With These Important Online Dating Gems

Once you learn and use the secret phrases that attract people in online dating profiles, you'll never be lonely again. These dating tips will do just that.

The world of online dating is a hard world and we need all the help we can get. Just like the real world, first impressions mean a lot. Your Mr. or Ms. Right may be out there right now reading your online dating profile. But if you have written the wrong thing, you might accidentally prevent yourself from meeting your soulmate. The online dating profile is the key to living a fulfilling life.

The purpose of an online dating profile is to make the right first impression. Where, in the past, people created impressions in person, they now make them in the profile. The better, more engagingly written the profile, the better chance you're going to have at landing a mate. Do the online profile right and use the right words and you'll have more dates than you ever imagined.

Below are 20 phrases that will reel in that special guy or gal right in, or your money back. If you want to find your true love through online dating, just use a few of these phrases. If you're really bold, you can try them all in a single, online dating profile. It will change your life.


Which Online Dating Phrase Best Describes You?

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Use these phrases for better online dating results. They're free!


Obviously, the image of you in bed is going to get somebody hot, really hot. And there's apparently a ride involved. When it comes to matchmaking, this phrase can't be beat. You can even use it more than once.

VD in Remission!

Exciting news for any potential suitor. It gives them a time window to act and provides a sense of urgency. You would be remiss not to use this phrase.

Lives with Parents

This often means free food. Everyone likes free food. And free room and board. And meeting the parents is a critical step toward building a relationship. Usually once a potential suitor meets your parents, the next step is marriage. And since you live with your parents, your date will have to meet them.

Live with My Ex

The next best thing to living with your parents is living with your ex. It's always good to know that you can let go. But really, it's not about that right? You're just trying to save some money. And your ex really contributes. And you're just friends anyway.

50w, 28l

The kind of dimensions that make members of the opposite sex drool, particularly if they're into sailing.

It's a Jungle Out There and In My Pants

Maybe a little forward, but creates a sense of mystery. Jungles are full of mystery. And monkeys.

My Dog is My Lover

Everyone loves dogs. EVERYONE! And virtually nobody doesn't like sleeping with an animal. Woof!

A Woman Cannot Have Enough Cats

A woman with a lot of cats is like a man with a lot of cable channels. It means endless entertainment.

Former Prostitute

If you've got some experience, don't be afraid to let people know. Porn stars make notoriously good mates. They're not messed up or anything. And they're good in bed. And generally make good money unless they're like alley ho's.

(CC-BY-2.0) | Source

Let's keep going! It only gets better.

Creditors Will Never Find Me

Creditors can be annoying. Nobody wants them calling at dinner. Dinner shouldn't be interrupted.

Butt Cheese

The next best thing to Gouda. Goes well with toe jam.

First Cousins Welcome!

Especially compelling if you live in the south. Sometimes the dating pool can be limited. This makes it almost limitless. Check with the state you live first just to make sure you're not breaking any laws.

Burping, Belching, Beautiful

Shows self-esteem. Alliteration is catchy. People are naturally drawn to self-esteem. And really, people need to get used to naturally bodily functions. You want somebody who accepts you for who you are.

Loves Life!

Completely original. An amazing statement used in over 90% of profiles. The dating world would not exist without it and online dating would never have been invented were it not for these words.

Only Depressed Sometimes

This means that some of the time you are so incredibly not depressed. Shows you are a glass half-full sort of person.

Currently Unemployed and Proud

Again, self-esteem. It's Spanish Fly for the psyche.

Mildly Incontinent

People want to know how to prepare for that first date and whether or not it's going to be messy. And really, mildly means that most of the time you can hold it in.

I Want to Meet You Now!

You're going to make somebody feel really special. In fact, type your line using ALL capital letters. It shows SOPHISTICATION.

Custody Battle Charlie

You're fighting for your rights! You're a fighter. Women like fighters.

One in the Oven

Men love a woman who can cook and knows her way around a kitchen.

Sample Profile

Feel free to use this sample profile. You will score way more often.

Bed-ridden female, former prostitute, with amazing pants: 50w, 28l and VD that's in remission. Yes, it's a jungle out there and in my pants. Although I live with my parents and my ex, I love life even though the custody battle has been dragging on. Sure, I'm mostly depressed, especially with one in the oven, but I still WANT TO MEET YOU NOW. While I've become mildly incontinent, I'm still burping, belching, and beautiful. Don't mind the butt cheese or my dog, who sleeps in the bed with me. I believe in two things: first cousins should be able to date and a woman cannot have enough cats. I'm unemployed and proud, but have moved around enough that my creditors can't find me. Can't wait to hear from you. I love life!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2011 Sychophantastic


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