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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Every Marriage Has Its Struggles
Someone looks at another marriage or relationship and within their minds and in their hearts they will declare, now that is exactly what I would like for me. Do you think that marriage you admire got that way instantaneously? Absolutely not! Just about every marriage has its challenges as well as struggles, however, what determines a marriage/relationship and what determines the strength of a marriage would be the two individuals in the marriage.
Most of us because we're not the same person we have unique ideas of what marriage is, we have distinct ideas of what our mate or partner ought to be doing. We would like to dictate that our mate should do this, or perhaps we would like to dictate that we should not be doing that. At what point do you come together as two different individuals and discuss how you want your marriage to be. When do you discuss expectations, when do you discuss with your mate your insecurities, when do you discuss with your mate things that frighten and discourage you; also in your marriage when do you sit down and put all the cards out on the table.
Have you observed how many of us are guarding and protecting what we genuinely feel may be hurt, we rationalize inside that we would never reveal the way we truly feel? Then in the interim our marriage is failing, resentment is rising and gradually that dream and that thought of what your marriage should be like is going down the drain. The issue is when you have two different individuals with two different personalities you are likely to have clashes, you are likely to have disagreements, there is likely to be some sort of a tug-of-war, nonetheless, at the conclusion of the day you have two individuals expressing, I want to be together. At this point you have a choice to make; would I like to stay separate from my mate; would I like to keep feeling this sensation of loneliness although being in a relationship, do I want to continue to feel sad and hopeless all the time, would I prefer to be depressed, would I prefer to continue to look at this person with virtually hatred, would I prefer to maintain these kinds of emotions bottled up inside of me realizing it's making me sick.
The majority of us would say undoubtedly no. Yet again we have a choice to make and that choice ought to be communication. Eventually, you will have to say I can't do this like this anymore. You have to say I wish to be a family, you have to say I want to make this work, and you must say I'm going to give this my all. Just what does that entail; this would require you putting everything; placing baggage, placing hurt feelings, placing resentment, placing past insecurities, placing past trust issues; all these prior emotions that you’ve had a right to feel, release yourself from them. Have a sit down discussion with this person and talk.
Why must truthful talk be so hard for individuals that profess to love each other? Why can't people sit and talk without having to throw some sort of dagger at one another? Plainly expressing their feelings, clearly saying their own weaknesses, remembering this is expressing this only with the person that loves you? Give this person a chance, give yourself a chance. Allow yourself the chance to be happy, in no way be satisfied with unhappiness, you have the option to make a choice of being happy or unhappy. Additionally, say to yourself, I’m going to listen this time, I'm going to genuinely listen and pay attention to what my mate is trying to say to me without while they're talking thinking of a comeback. This by no means will ever remedy any situation, this will not make it possible for your relationship to move forward.
You have two individuals, two decision-makers, it’s only reasonable to think that you will have to learn to be companions working together and quit making your marriage into a sparring match. Once you have had enough you will sit-back hopefully, and you will think about this and get back to the basics. I write it constantly; communicate, communicate, communicate, and then communicate some more. An answer may not occur overnight; that marriage that you admire and say I would like my marriage to be like, didn't happen overnight, but, the point of it is, it did happen, there are happy marriages.
So to reiterate, you have different options and many choices in your relationship. You can settle with unhappiness or you can make it work. So long as there is no violence in your marriage you can make it work. Take that “Me” off the front of your shirt, and “I” off the back of your shirt, take your feelings and high emotions, stuff them in your pockets and sit down to lovingly and honestly communicate. Share this thought with your partner, I love you and I hope you love me, let's sit down together and figure these issues out collectively to ensure that once again we can love and appreciate one another because we would want nothing better than to be in a happy, healthy relationship.
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