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Face Book News Can Face Book Destroy Or Ruin A Marriage?

Updated on September 6, 2011

Can Social Networking Destroy Marriages?

Face Book News Can Face Book Ruin Marriages?

Face Book connecting with friends and distant relatives is a wonderful thing. A chance to catch up with high school friends. What if an old high school flame contacted you? Would you accept the friendship? I know, what's the harm in talking with someone from your past right? No big deal, it's not like your having sex with the person ? When you make and accept the person ask yourself this number one question, if your partner started to connect with an old flame again, how would that make you feel? Would you want that person to be in your partners life again? This is happening right now as I am writing this. I know when you open the door to intimacy with someone other than your husband or wife, you are asking for trouble in your marriage.

I know someone let's call her Pam. Pam's been married now 14 years. She is happy, has three children decided to go on Face book to hook up with old high school friends. Sounds pretty normal right? Her husband is ok with it. Pam checked her Face Book one day and was surprised to get a request from her first love Bob. She accepted. She also told her husband about it. Over the last few weeks Bob has been leaving her e-mails and lots of messages. He wants to be friends . He's been telling Pam all about his crummy relationships and how its hard to find someone. They start reminiscing about old times and how back then he really cared for her but knows she is happy in her marriage. Pam thinks it's ok were just friends she tells everyone. The only thing she isn't telling everyone including her husband is that Bob now has her phone number and he's been texting her 24 seven. Leaving her beautiful messages leaving her voice mails just wanting to be her friend and talk. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! this is where it all starts.

Pam is letting him in. A friend tries to warn Pam. She goes to a club for a girls night out and Bob is going to come up there. Do you still think no big Deal? This happens on a gradient. Intimacy is what starts an affair. Plain and simple. If Pam's husband was coming I wouldn't think it was a big deal, but Pam's husband was not invited. After this a friend talks with Pam to tell her to stop and evaluate what is happening. She confides in her that she still has some feelings for Bob. She knows she is married and does love her husband but can't help the feelings she has. She says she will not act on them. The friend tells Pam to disconnect with him immediately because she is having an emotional affair. Pam tells the friend that she is crazy to think that way, she is not going to sleep with him. It does not matter guys or women. If you allow yourself to be more intimate with someone other than your spouse face the music you are having an affair.

My only advice is for you to is to seek a counselor before it's to late. There is a reason that this person is an old flame to begin with. It's ok to have friendships as long as your spouse is included and knows. I personally have one man as a friend my husband. He is my Best friend. Start spending time with your spouse and communicate with them. Starting something else is not the answer. Work it out with the woman or man you already have in your life. Everyone has problems. If you think it's going to be better with someone else, you are wrong. Every-one's circumstance is different. Try Christian marriage counseling. You will learn more about yourself than you realize and you will learn more about your partner as well. You will have problems with a new partner too. Start working on yourself spiritually and you and your relationship will come alive again. When you work at it you will see the reward in the end.

It's not Face Book that is ruining marriages. It's the way people think and act. Ethics and morals this is what makes the difference. Talk with your partner and set boundaries. It's not ok to be texting behind your partners back. If your partner was right there would you be acting this way? Start texting your partner and bring up the communication with him or her, see what happens. Start working on your relationship instead of doing things that take you away from it. As far as Pam is concerned her friend voiced her opinion and I hope her words got Through to her. I will keep you updated.

Here is the link to part 2 continued if you would like to read more click this link!

Have fun with Face Book and use it wisely! Click this link if you would like to read Part 2



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    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 6 years ago

      Hi! Greg yes that is so common right now. Keep going to counseling and forgiveness is key to the survival of your marriage. Pray about it.

    • profile image

      Greg 6 years ago

      My wife of 20 years was having a online sex chat from some guy she was on a sports boosters with. I caught her and and it has been horrible. Fortunately we are commited and have been going to counseling.

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 6 years ago

      Thanks so much for your comment. Have a great day!

    • profile image

      Enyix 6 years ago

      That facebook of a thing is a die hard stressor... That's why you cannot find me there. I better handle what I see and understand than enter a busy, noisy climate of flirting liars. Casting crown called it 'SLOW FADE'. Of course I voted up and awesome. Keep it up. It is said that if you keep doing what is right, it will begin to feel good; not the other way round. From UNN

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      Hi! Mckenna 925 You are not crazy at all. If someone truly loves and respects your feelings he should close his face book down and get rid of the temptation. He should be talking to you not some ex girlfriend. Every relationship has problems but getting emotional with someone else is not the answer! If he keeps doing it I would question getting married because if he is having a problem now what will it be like when your married?

    • d_mckenna925 profile image

      d_mckenna925 7 years ago

      I love this hub. I've tried to talk to my fiance about emotional affairs but he just brushes it off, never wants to talk. He thinks it's fine to have a bunch of ex girlfriends on his facebook and doesn't understand why I get so upset. A few times when he's left his facebook page on I've seen private messages he's written girls and ex girlfriends, giving out his number and telling them to 'hit him up'. It disgusts me. And he thinks I'm crazy and controlling for thinking this way. I don't go out calling my exes up or finding them on facebook. I just think it's wrong. If you're in a committed relationship you should be committed to that person, not trying to contact ex flames. You shouldn't be talking to or confiding in other people. If we get in a fight, he generally calls up an old friend from high school... who's female. I just feel so betrayed and he doesn't understand. I'm glad that someone does though. And I'm not really crazy. Great Hub!

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      Yes! I think social networks can be tempting but if you value your marriage talk to the people that respect it.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 7 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      I recently joined FB and was immediately wary of the section which asked if I was interested in Males or Females. Married for 20 plus years I'm not looking to find a lost love or make a new one. But you're right, the temptation to venture into new (old) relationships is borne from a seed of discontent, not the social networking sites that have sprung up. They just make cheating or seeking more convenient.

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      WOW!! I agree Face Book can open the door to temptation. I think many people justify it because they think it's harmless because it's online but I think emotional, physical contact?? Let's face it cheating is cheating no matter how you view it. I would confront him and his actions and where you stand in your relationship. Fight for your marriage and get rid of whatever takes you away from it. God Bless!!!!

    • profile image

      Colette 7 years ago

      Great website! My experience with my guy of 20 years started with his obsession of posting on Facebook after being contacted by his former class mates from 40 years ago, without my knowledge. I was not one of his "friends" on Facebook. If we needed to talk we could talk to each face to face not through cyberspace.

      He has not communicated with any of them for the 40 years but became obessed with Facebook chats and especially with the girls! The chat began in Feb. 2010 at the same time I was being treated for and endured surgery for breast cancer and has continued to this day. He ventured to the reunion, November, 2010 "solo" never asking me to go. I started investigating on his FB page and saw all of the chats since back in Feb. and got very suspicious. To end it up, our perfect relationship of 20 years has been destroyed by the "romanticizing, flirtacious, and seemed to be coupled" pictures and posts on Facebook especially since the reunion. A person can only endure so much and then completely cracks. I have made by statement of "Facebook opens doors to new friends and relationships while slamming the door on long, meaningful, loving relationships! BEWARE!

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      In response to willowbel, I sympathize with you but temptation is everywhere email, cell phone, highschool reunions ect... You just have to draw the line. Is it ok to just be friends with an ex girfriend, or exboyfriend you can but I would include the spouse. Your husband needs to decide what is important his wife and baby on the way or an EX hopefully he will choose you. Life is about the choices we make and sometimes we can't go back to what is gone. Place yourself in his mind start facebooking him and communicating more and pray about it. God wants couples to stay and work it out.

    • profile image

      willowbel 7 years ago

      My husband got in contact with his ex girlfriend over facebook at first I was ok with it then one day I discovered that they were having a online affair, unfortunatly I had just discovered I was pregnant with our second child I was devastated. Now 2 years on when I thought everything was over and done with, I discovered he is still trying to get in contact with her over face book and has declared that he cant stop thinking about her, this has devastated me and I really dont know what to do. I hate HATE facebook as it offers people too much temptaion.

    • getexbackhelper profile image

      getexbackhelper 7 years ago from Germany

      Great hub and good writing, thanks:)

    • WeNdYpOoPoO profile image

      WeNdYpOoPoO 7 years ago from Hudson Valley NY

      Wow I know places like second life and chat rooms are a way for temtaion but facebook lol umm never thought about facebook like that.

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      Wow! sounds like she may be addicted to chatting. Yes when we feel like our needs are not being met most people do feel like calling it quits. Communication is key to survival of a marriage absolutely in person. You met fell in love now leave the computer behind.

    • profile image

      Kelly 7 years ago

      My wife spends more time on face book chatting with others than she does with me. when I tried to talk to her about it she said dont blame face boo, I wasnt, and she reminded me face book is how we met. Thats fine but I chatted with her on face book all the time because I was interested in her, now that we are married I would rather we talk in person rather online. Talking has failed and I feel like calling it quits.

    • gr82bme profile image

      gr82bme 7 years ago from USA

      Why do we always think the grass is greener on the otherside? It isn't. there is just more bullshit over there

    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 8 years ago

      Iam so sorry to hear!! Yes its ok to talk and be friends as long as your spouse is ok with it. If your hiding it, STOP remember if your spouse was there would you still act this way? DONT be more intimate with someone else! Don't open the door and never look back! Trust is earned. God Bless!

    • profile image

      Thank you !! 8 years ago

      I came home from work to find my husband in the bathroom but his facebook acct open. He was calling some girl the love of his life (by the way he wrote this in every card he gave me during our 22 year marriage.) Talk about a slap in the face. This started the downward spiral of my marriage which has not ended. Turns out this guy I thought was honest and moral and loving was leading a secret life that SHOCKED everyone who knew him. He said the girl was just an "emotional affair", I agree they are just if not more devastating. He had also been draining our bank accounts and put me $50K in credit card debt. Im competely screwed because I trusted my husband to be who he pretended to be. TRUST NO ONE !!

      PS People on face book love this guy - they pat him on the back as much as he pats himself. You never really know anyone - especially if your just exchanging emails on these sites. This man says he has a persona to uphold.....Im feeling sick. Watch your back.

    • deepthinker76 profile image

      deepthinker76 8 years ago from South Carolina

      Your absolutely right. I am in a similar situation right now with my boyfriend. He gets a huge ego trip from the flirting of an ex high-school gal pal and I find it disgusting. She hasn't given him 15 years like I have but he is enthralled by the idea of some old fling showing him attention. And is causing problems and it is FACEBOOK that he found her on. And there is a new one too... I found an old high school annual with a love note from her. Emotional affairs are real and just as devastating as an intimate affair.


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