whats the best way to stop loving someone? how do you move on without thinking a

1. 50

   thisissaraposted 14 years ago

   whats the best way to stop loving someone? how do you move on without thinking about them?
   
   i was engaged to someone for about a year. we were in a long distance relationship. im in the military and he is in nursing college.he left me in october, and we didnt speak for 3 weeks, it was hard on both of us. weve spoken since and decided to take it slow and work things out.though, since i got back from leave hes since decided that taking it slow means at a stand still. i have been semi-seeing someone else and sleeping with him. im very confused about my feelings for either of them and the man i was engaged to isnt objecting to me seeing anyone else. what do i do? how can i fix this?

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2. 62

   Rebecca Saundersposted 14 years ago

   Hi thississara,
   
   That's a tricky situation for you! I don't know that you can fix it. But what you can do is look after yourself. Focus on your life and goals, which is hard sometimes when our focus has been on someone else for so long, but it's necessary to bring that focus back to your own life. Men can sense when we are anxious about them and in some way that pushes them further away.
   
   Accept that you can't force things. People move at their own time and pace and hard as it is when it hurts so much, you have to find a way to allow them to do this.  Pressing someone for answers or to fix things only pushes them away more, try to let it go and trust that it will work out for the best for both of you.
   
   Accept your own feelings and responsibility for the situation you're in - if you have someone who is neutral and a good listener in your life - talk things through with them. But keep bringing the focus back to you - what your part is in the situation, what you're feeling and what you will do to improve your life.
   
   
   Are there things that you used to enjoy to do that you  no longer do? It would be good to reinvest your time in those things that gave you pleasure - hobbies, friendships, interests. Even if you don't find that you get much pleasure out of them at first as you continue on and get involved in different things you will find you enjoy them more and more and take your mind off the men.
   
   As your focus shifts you will find it easier to make decisions and be less confused about the situation.
   
   
   Hope this helps.

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