Have you ever tried stop loving?

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   dghbrhposted 12 years ago

   Have you ever tried stop loving?
   
   One of my friend is in a very frustrating situation. Don know how to support her. Is it possible to stop loving some one you cared a lot ?
   Any help..guidance?

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   gaplumberposted 12 years ago

   I don't believe you can stop. However, I personally believe that love can change or evolve into something different. Perspectives change, people change, it is all relative. Great question, this may not be a correct answer but it is mine.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Many thanks for you took your time to reply here. I appreciate all the individual views here. So it is your view and I agree with you.

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   JThomp42posted 12 years ago

   I really don't think it is possible to stop loving someone, if it is true love. There is a huge difference in loving someone and "being in love" with them. Unfortunately, I have been divorced, I will always have a special place in my heart for her, but time has helped me to realize that love is not always enough. This may seem pessimistic, but it is truly a cold hard fact.
   
   This is why we have a divorce rate of over 50% in this country. People fall in love, but it isn't forever. Some are lucky enough to find that "friendship" with the love in which is very important. So many do not.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Many thanks for sharing your vies here. I agree with you very much.

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      DexisViewposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I couldn't agree more with your comment about friendship.  If you find that love that is your best friend.....marry them!!...don't let them go.....and always let them know what that combination of friend and lover means to you!

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      JThomp42posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely Dexis. Thank you for your kind words.

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   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   I don't think it's possible to (make yourself)  "fall in love, trust someone, miss someone, or stop loving someone." However you do have a choice as to whom you spend your time with or what you choose to focus on.
   At the end of the day the only real cure for depression is taking action. Your friend has to accept the relationship has run it's course and move on. One has to be open to the future which means putting away the past. This involves avoiding contact if possible, disconnecting from the same social network, focusing attention on family, friends, career, hobbies, and dating when she is ready.
   "Your future lies ahead of you not behind you."

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks and quite practical advice here.

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   dashingmeposted 12 years ago

   I havent tried stop loving someone whom I cared a lot, unless this someone will hurt me physically or turtured me I'll stop loving him. But if the realization of stopping to love will be the best option since the feeling was Ignored whynot. I will stop loving him If I have felt so much pain because of the love I gave.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Oh quite a heartfelt reply here. Thank for your view.

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   Rayne123posted 12 years ago

   I really believe we can control our feelings, however to actually reverse the feeling I am not quite sure.
   
   I do know you can think you love/loved someone only to find out it wasnt love but lust or a passion emotion at the time.
   
   If you have loved someone for years, I believe the feeling will never go away, like JT said, there will always be a special place in your heart for that person, if the love was genuine.
   
   However if things happen and you thought it was love but it was not (due to whatever circumstances) yes your love can die for that person in time.
   
   Sometimes we mistake love for all the things we thought this person could offer, and find out that he/she turns out to be someone that well no one really admires.
   
   So ask God to intervene and he will lead you to the right person when its meant to me, as I know he is doing for me.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Many thanks for your kind response here and all the very best to you.

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   manatita44posted 12 years ago

   Attachment comes and goes, yes. It is not love. Love is like a bird, we cannot cage it. So many of us humans speak of love! We get pains, heartaches, emotional tears, etc. because of this.
   
   Love is the yearning of the one for the One, it is the very pulse of Being. It is eternal and cannot stop. Why do you think the Spiritual Masters come? Because of Love.
   You are unconsciously moving towards Freedom. Your Soul know this and so you will not be truly happy until you re-awaken to the divine. That is why the Buddha said that all things are impermanent and that desire/craving is the cause of suffering. Let go of all desire-attachment, and be free.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      many thanks for your spiritually enlightened reply here. If one can really get the true freedom then no earthly depression can touch the person. I do agree here.

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      manatita44posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes. I like you and I thought that you knew. I empathise. Human chains are so difficult to break!

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you but its for one my closest friend. I am fine and thanks for your concern here. Take care.

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   DexisViewposted 12 years ago

   If it is a true love ~ that love will remain. 
   To support your friend, you can just be there for her when she needs to talk.  Let her cry and if it is time by herself she needs to process her feelings be sure to give her that space.  So many people think that you must stay busy and be around others when you are hurting. 
   Sometimes the best thing to do is just be by yourself and give yourself permission to feel what it is that you are feeling.
   You said a frustrating situation, but did not give details.  Sometimes there are very unhealthy situations that need ending.  Once out of the situation, the person can see more clearly and decide whether it was actually love or some kind of obsession.
   If it is a love that is meant to be, in time it will return to her.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you very much. Detail is not possible to mention here as its a little long story may be and apart from all its not my own thing to say. Take care. I agree with you.

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   creyzinessposted 12 years ago

   I don't think so but you can be indifferent. But it is not that easy cos I've tried and I failed.
   If you stop caring it will lessen your love. BUT that doesn't mean you can unlove a person because once you care for that person basically you start loving that person.
   In my case I have a friend who betrayed me. Of course I was angry at that time, I tried to convince myself to hate/curse her but I remember this saying from an anime I watched, it states "when one person is cursed, two graves are dug".
   
   So I tried to be indifferent to her: at first it worked but as time goes by everything heals but sad to say my level of love for her will never be back so as of now, we're just merely acquaintances.
   
   Main point: You cannot stop loving a person BUT you can decrease the level of love and care you have for him/her.

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      Rayne123posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You know what that is a great way of putting it. I love that quote "when one person is cursed, two graves are dug". that is so so so true.
      its like the evil/criminal/satan always falls in his own trap always. They wont admit it but they do.

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      dashingscorpioposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The opposite of love is NOT hate but "indifference". If you can get to the point where the person you knew evokes the same level of emotion as being around a stranger that is success. "I don't care" has less emotional connection than "hate" does.

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      creyzinessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @Rayne123: Thank you. Yes, it is like karma in some ways.
      
      @dashingscorpio: That's true. That line "The opposite of love is NOT hate but "indifference" --somewhat reminds me of my Religion teacher back in highschool.

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      dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you all here @Rayne123, dashingscorpio, creyziness.....! its interesting speculation and i agree with the whole analysis pretty well. Hope you all have a great day ahead.

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      lupineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      dashingscorpio, I agree with your comment also...about hate. If you don't want to continue loving and have hatred toward him/her, that doesn't help your hurting.Hating takes even more effort in a negative way. The 'don't care' level is easier on you.

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    daydreamer13posted 12 years ago

    You can distance yourself, but love is (unfortunately)not something you can control.

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       dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Many thanks for your reply and view here.

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    sunilkunnoth2012posted 12 years ago

    Stopping love is detrimental in many ways.  What keeps our life moving is love and the thought of being loved by someone.  The moment we come to know that the person stopped loving us, what would be our feeling.  Too terrific.  To love and to be loved are the two things keep our life alive, sound and colorful.  So never stop loving. Age, caste, sex, there is no bar as far as true love is concerned.

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       dghbrhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you for your kind reply here. Nobody wants to stop loving. That comes  out of intolerable hurt, bitter truth and frustration only. Take care.

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