Why are people afraid to be alone or spend time with themselves?

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   realtalk247posted 10 years ago

   Just thinking out loud.  Why are so many people scared to know themselves or develop into a complete person?  There are so many people that run around distracting themselves and placing everyone in their world just to avoid being by themselves. 
   What's the big deal having constant revolving relationships?
   
   1.You absorb people into your world that you have no intention of taking seriously
   2.You open yourself up to cheating by knowing the person you are in a relationship with is not who/what you really want.
   3.You create a false illusion of care, affection, and love - in essence "playing with other people's emotions"
   AND for those who don't know - That's not right!
   
   Yes we are all familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs and the level of which define the importance of relationships, namely, Love and Belonging.  But when do people "do the work" as Iyanla Vinzant would say.  What work? The work on yourself.  Being comfortable with who you are, addressing any areas of your life that need maintenance or a tune-up is an individual goal.  No one can love you if you don't first love yourself. No one can value you if you don't value yourself. 
   
   Why do people use people to cure loneliness?
   Why do people couple with people they know are not good for them in an effort to avoid being comfortable with themselves?

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   1. 83

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      In our extroverted and socially/outwardly oriented society, people who like to be alone are suspect.  They are considered to be abnormal according to the societal consensus and construct.   Our extroverted society stresses the important of being social.   
      
      Children are inculcated from early childhood to socialize in one way or another.   Children who aren't as social as other children are deemed to be somewhat lacking; they may even be considered to be socially retarded.   Introverted children especially are told by parents and teachers to go out and mingle.  Introverted children or children who prefer their own company are oftentimes judged to be abnormal because they prefer to be alone.    The extroverted societal idea is that being alone is equated with being weird, abnormal, and other pejorative adjectives.
      
      This negative inculcation continues throughout childhood and into adulthood.  This results in people engaging in any social activity in order not to be alone.   People who are not social and like to be alone are oftentimes forced into being social.  They are asked if something is wrong with them and if they like people when their preference may be being alone with a good book.   
      
      Being alone is considered to be a disease in our extroverted society.  However, there is nothing wrong with being alone.  Being alone gives one time for introspection and growth.  Being alone allows one to be creative.  Being alone allows one to meditate and to grow spiritually.   Many people are actually afraid to be alone for that means they have to reflect upon who they ACTUALLY are.  People really do not want to know their deeper and inner selves, preferring to adopt a facade for societal approval.

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      1. 81

         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Its only when you are alone that you are truly free. if you do not like being alone, you do not like freedom.
         When was in kindergarten I remember being dragged away from where I was quietly playing inside the classroom. I HAD to go outside and play with the others. I would climb the highest bars of playground equipment and stare down at the children scampering here and there, screaming and carrying on. I would pretend I was a princess in my castle watching them run about. 
         I say they should have respected my desire to play quietly by myself. I still love alone time. Love it!

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         1. 83

            gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            So true indeed.  There are those who are addicted to people and relationships.  They would rather be enslaved by enduring a less than positive relationship than to be positively alone.  Being alone has negative connotations in a society which is as extroverted as ours.  In societies where introversion is not judged as harshly, being alone is seen as a normative part of a person's life and development.  In such societies, alone is seen as an exercise in introspection both spiritually and psychologically.  In fact, it is expected in such societies that a person should spend time alone to simply reflect.  However, in this society, one has to be SOCIAL in order to be accepted and respected.  For example, a person with social skills is valued more in many extroverted societies than a person with intellectual skills.   The first person is considered to be "in", even popular whilst the second person is considered to be a geek, a nerd or worse.

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            1. 81

               Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Yes, calmness, inner life, being in touch with one's own inner feedback, control, self mastery, creativity, intelligence, awareness… all from being in touch with ...roll the drums…SELF.

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2. 82

   grand old ladyposted 10 years ago

   I think people can feel lonely whether they are always alone, or if they are always travelling with a pack. At the same time, a person can enjoy being alone without being lonely; and travel in a pack and feel genuinely engaged and not lonely.
   
   Most likely, loneliness is more about sadness than about the presence (or absence) of people in one's life.

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