Why are some women afraid to be alone, oftentimes preferring to be in a less than positive/
respectful, even abusive relationship rather than to be alone which they deem to be equivalent to being in the ninth circle of hell? There ARE women who fall for the societal inculcation that they are INCOMPLETE if they aren't in a relationship. They strongly contend that in order to be considered worthwhile in the eyes of their family, friends, & other associates, they MUST have a relationship, even if the relationship is less than positive. There are women who proclaim that I have a MAN as a badge of honor. There are some who even stay in hellish relationships rather than to be...ALONE.
I don't really think it's so much that they are afraid of being alone as much as they (hate) being alone. In the eyes of such women a woman who does not have a man is a "loser" or "can't get" one. They're to be pitied.
It's not unusual for women who have single girlfriends to make it a mission to "find her a man". They'll even ask their mates:
"Do you know of any guys who might be good for ...etc"
Men don't hunt for women for each other.
Historically society has had names for older single women such as "old maid" or "spinster". There has never been a label attached to older men who have never been married.
Traditionally men have far out earned women and therefore women often sought a man to financially provide for them as they generally did not go to college or have any significant job skills.
Even in our modern era I've overheard women say things like;
"Girl I need to hurry up and find myself a man to pay my bills!"
Years ago there were hit songs like; "What have you done for me lately" and "Ain't Nothing Going On But The Rent."
A lot of women see men as surrogate fathers or they've bought into the fairytale of having knight sweep them off their feet and provide for their every need. If a woman has no plans to establish a career path and work hard then finding a man while she's still "hot" becomes paramount.
Hollywood movies and book publishers have also done a masterful job of portraying "happily ever after". The perception is anyone who is "alone" is always "unhappy" and the (goal) is to find someone to call your own. Most movies with so called "happy endings" involve (two) people.
Lastly throughout most women's "formative years" they've had seeds planted in their brain about being mothers and wives. From the time they were given their own baby doll to feed, comb hair, dress, nurture, and push around in a stroller, decorating Ken & Barbie's playhouse, or wearing a princess dress which is symbolic to wearing a wedding gown and having everyone stand up as she walks down the aisle.
Most women have been "dreaming" about their wedding day since they were children. If it didn't happen they'd feel they missed out!
Not many boys grow up pretending to be fathers nor dreaming of marriage.There's no such thing as a "Groomzilla" only "Bridezilas"
Our society's "gender indoctrination" during the formative years of children has a lot to do with how they turn out as adults. One has to work hard to overturn such beliefs and expectations.
Nevertheless there are some who love things the way they've been.
It all started with the concept of a man must marry a woman way beck in the Bible. It is not just Christianity that strongly urged this concept though, it seems to be a world phenomenon. I think it changed in WW1 when women had to do something to support their families and themselves. That is when it all changed and coupleship was being pushed aside and women gained more rights and freedom to chose work or housewife.
I have been on both sides and yes there is a fear fo being alone. The church and many other organizations are pushing hard for people to be married or have a relationship. I think they are promoting the fear of being alone. After my first divorse I had a hard time wrapping that being alone around my head. It took about 2 years. Once I got my life back together though, I began to love being alone and doing my own things without having and pressure as to what someone else wants that I did not want. It was nice and it was freedom!
I remarried some 7 years after my divorce and I love that too. I am now a housewife again but this time is is without children. Changes come and go and they are sometimes hard to take, but I still love the companionship of a husband.
I just cannot understand why the huge push to be married in today's world. There is no reason to fear being alone.
Exactly, the relationship premise is constantly pushed down our throats; however, it is the MORE VULNERABLE & DESPERATE who cave in, oftentimes to quite DISASTROUS results!
Yes and I see this quandry happening to my youngest daughter who is 34 years old. She has gotten into some relationships bcuz of the push to get married. She has everything she could ever have but still has that get married thing going on.
Well i can only speak for the men, but I'm sure it's the same reason for the men as it is for the women..It's the fear of the unknown for most people out there (single life), that keeps them in a relationship they know they should leave..Also for most in my opinion it would have been peer pressure, that got them into said relationship they know they ought to leave....No one likes to go to a party on their own, & an Xmas as a single person would be a nightmare scenario for most....It is true & it's not just me saying this sort of stuff, & any Zen Master or Guru etc or anyone who's actually thought long enough about it like me would say: It's impossible to find our ever lasting partner or soul mate "the one", unless we find our true self first..Otherwise both parties will try to "forge" each other into their soul mate, & then the relationship will start to breakdown..A man to a woman should be the cherry on the icing on her cake/her life, the last thing that she finds after she's found all her other loves in life..The great thing about it is the guy will find her, because she's allowing life to find him for her while she works on her self..Works the same way for the guys but requires faith, & it's called the love train & it's free to jump on board any time a person finds themselves single. :-)
Sometimes being alone isn't the problem. Sometimes women get in bad relationships, which usually start off wonderful, then have no way out. They simply can't make it on their own because everything and everyone has been taken from them and even help organizations can't do any more than get them into support groups. Which does no good if they are in a bad relationship because a bad man wouldn't allow that. Sometimes they are even brainwashed into believing that the man they are with is the only one in the world who would or could possibly care about and take care of them.
Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. All relationships are "at will" and no one is "stuck" with anyone. There are over 7 Billion people on earth. You said "a bad man wouldn't allow...." It's not up to him! Love of self is key.
Are you speaking first hand, dashingscorpio?
I'm speaking as someone who has experienced ending unhappy relationships. I know no one is "stuck" with anyone. No one could make me stay in a relationship or marriage if I didn't want to be there. I'm always aware that I have "options"!
Well, that's wonderful you've never experienced an actual abusive relationship. I just warn you not to be too judgmental on this subject because if you can't imagine being stuck in a relationship, you should just be thankful for the life you have.
Great observation regarding the title INCOMPLETE. The media, family, and society at large still attempts to valid a woman by companionship. If you are a woman raised in a culture to be dependent on men (financially and emotionally) you most likely will take anything including emotional and physical abuse.
Both men and women must be complete within themselves before entering a relationship. No man or woman can come into your life and make your life worth living.
Every man and woman has a goal, assignment, and gift when it comes to living your life. When you operate in that purpose you are complete. Unfortunately not too many women realize that.
Also there is the realistic "expectation" that women are to be wives and mothers. If a woman does not make that her mission somehow it's considered "wrong"
In most instances for a woman to become a wife & a mother a man has to become a husband & a father. And yet if a man doesn't make that his "mission" it's not considered "wrong". Life is a (personal) journey.
Women don't need to adhere to the
by schoolgirlforreal5 years ago
This is sort of a touchy subject for me.I have been in relationships non stop for about 15 yrs until 2 yrs ago.I have spent time with myself but I still find it challenging to be completely alone.I don't know why. It's...
by These eyes15 months ago
Why do men hurt the person they love? If they love a woman why they do crazy things?I have a good relationship with this man and he just admit that he was having an affair that he wants to continue seing that person. I...
by Charlu5 years ago
Why are people so baffled that some like being alone and not dating, or being in a relationship?Why are so many concerned with the fact that some people choose to stay single and not date or be in a relationship? ...
by Grace Marguerite Williams4 years ago
What causes people to be afraid of solitude and being alone?In this society, people are pressurized to be a couple or part of a group. People who choose to be alone are often stigmatized as the odd person out or...
by dashingscorpio4 months ago
What does being single mean to you?Traditionally being single defined one's (marital) status. Anyone who is not married is legally considered (single) or available to get married. However most of us now place (dating...
by SEXYLADYDEE5 years ago
Why do so many people think it's better to be in a bad relationship than to be alone?I enjoy my own company and I have so many crafts and hobbys that I love. Being alone is not a bad thing to me. I have three children...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.