Why do so many people think it's better to be in a bad relationship than to be alone?
I enjoy my own company and I have so many crafts and hobbys that I love. Being alone is not a bad thing to me. I have three children and as we prepare to send the last one off to college my mind races with all the wonderful moments of solitude in my future. Being in a bad relationship is not an option for me. Why do I know so many women and men who would rather be miserable in a bad relationship than to be alone?
There are a lot of reasons... For some people just the idea of being alone is terrifying. These are usually the same people who haven't allowed themselves to ever be alone - going from their parents home directly into a situation with a boyfriend/girlfriend and relaying new love interests from there. These are usually extroverted people who need to be around other people most of the time in order to feel satisfied.
For others, sadly, the reasoning is a bit more dysfunctional. Many people don't believe they can do any better or don't believe they deserve any better. Many women also maintain the belief they can change their men into better people or that they should stay in a relationship because they love an individual (even when they are really bad for them.)
Personally I have far too much self respect to allow myself to be in an abusive relationship and I learned to be quite content with being alone from an early age - but then again I was always naturally introverted. Depressingly I have seen many many people in the situation you speak of and sometimes I voice my opinion, but it's usually useless.
For starters many people fear of being alone. Some people have low self esteem and believe that they can't do any better. Basically some people don't know how to be on their own.
Many people simply do not have the courage to change. They may moan and groan about their partners but, at the end of the day, it's easier for them to stay with what they know.
Of course you get toxic relationships where there is physical and/or mental abuse and one partner either becomes too afraid to leave or has their self esteem totally destroyed.
Then there is also the financial aspect. If one partner is unable to support themselves financially, they may feel trapped and unable to leave.
It may even be a lifestyle choice for some. They become accustomed to a certain standard of living that cannot be maintained as two individual households and so stay together.
As a survivor of domestic violence I can relate to "self esteem destroyed, unable to support financially and staying with what you know". But at the end of the day this life is too short to be afraid and miserable. I think it slowly kills you. Dee
I agree with what everyone has said. I also think there is something else at play ... through the media we are made to feel like we need to be in a relationship - or at least paired up. I can't really think of any TV show or movie where the lead character was happy alone ... they are always searching for someone to 'complete' them.
I know people who are successful and single, but unhappy because they think they are unfulfilled alone. Years ago I had a friend that started worrying in July about having a date for New Year's ... I don't think she was all that unusual in her way of thought, sadly.
Few restaurants offer tables for one. When you are alone it is usually assumed you will be joining another party. Prize packages are always for at least two.
I have been single a few times at New Years and I always believed it meant someone wonderful was coming that year. I find the bar at places like Red Lobster are a good place to eat alone, occasionally catch a good game and meet interesting people.
I'm not sure. There is only one person who I know feels that way, and she is basically nuts. Everyone thinks she's a little off. But she will always be with some guy who treats her poorly, even though we've told her for three years to leave the relationship. She just hate's being alone. It's a sign that no one likes her, that no one thinks she is worth any effort. It hurts her self-value and, after meeting her you will understand, she needs to be dependent on someone. Otherwise, that woman will fall to pieces.
Boy and I thought I was brutally honest. I think we have to tell them the truth while trying not to alienate them. They have to be able to come to us knowing we will also be supportive. Dee
I've tried being blunt and honest. She still will not follow my suggestions, but she admits my reasons are correct.
That is the most frustrating situation. I often have to say "don't ask ME" if you aren't willing to hear the truth. And "don't waste my time" if you aren't going to start making a change. After that becomes obvious I refuse to keep talking about it.
Ah, see I just give in to the insanity. Always saying the same thing. But I try not to converse with her too much. Repeat means the friendship isn't going anywhere so everyone tends to ignore them and leave them alone. Then they cry about that too.
Loneliness is something that scares many people, maybe because we are social animals and love to hang out in group and rely on each other. The other reason that people do not like to change their routine, people generally do not like change, they prefer to stick with something they already know even if it is harmful for them...
I also have wondered about people like this. From life observations of loved ones, friends, and colleagues it seems that some people truly don't enjoy their own company, never learned to be alone/never have been alone for even a small amount of time, or they just value some material things more than themselves.
I think you like to be in bad relationship only if somem one whom you loved have broken your heart soo. Don't get upset due to someone as in your leave alone until and unless you get the best in your life partner because there might be more best and beautiful person waiting for you in future...
Very good question SEXYLADYDEE... There are plenty of great answers on here already. I believe for many who stay in these relationships it is not something that happens all of a sudden. Those who are the agressors work constantly to lower the self worth of the victims of these relationships. Many have no idea what they are even getting into. These people are controlling on the lighter end and even as far as down right evil to the most extremes.
The ones who stay often feel like things may return back to normal. But, that never happens because they are living in a gradual and sometimes an even more dangerous environment. What makes matters worse is even churches, clergy, and congregators even convince these victims to try making it work with these abusers. No one can ever really make that decision for someone who is a victim of a bad relationship. And while prayer can be a great thing; prayer without works is dead, and one of the best things a person in a violent atmosphere can do for themselves to have their prayer heard is leave.
It's very true that the people and systems you have been taught to trust can support the institution of marriage even when it's full of poison. But from personal experience I know you can be in so much pain, self doubt, confusion you don't/cant hear
Well many people are not brave enough to accept the fact that they are good for something in this world and are down to earth in each and every action they make, it also depends on their mental approach towards their life. Relationships are not good and are not bad, they are made good or bad by our reactions with our mate!
I disagree, an abusive relationship tainted by drugs, alcohol and or physical abuse is a bad relationship. How you react is secondary to the "status" of it. You are so right about us all having a purpose. Too many don't have a clue. Thanks. Dee
@sexyladyee. Bad relation for the person who receives abuses and all, but good for the person who is taking all his feelings out, I just generalized the word "" reaction"", if some one truly loves you then they can't hurt you much longer!!!
I feel that it is a simple question of survival and possibly attachment. We feel insecure, vulnerable and fearful. We do not know what will happen if we walk out. Perhaps we get the comfort of the house, enjoy the financial benefits, or even hope that the individual will change. He or she may tell us so, and thus we hope. There is also the uncertainty with the kids.
It is a funny thing. We walk away with painful emotions, and these painful emotions pull us back. Did you know that on average, a woman is battered approx. 20 times before she leaves? Coupled with the fear of insecurity, of not knowing what to do afterwards, there is also the fear that violence will follow.
I empathise heavily. Still, a lot of the times it is best to listen and guide gently by showing the individual that your suggestions are really hers/his. Even then, it is the individual that must break from the experience, and this requires inner strength which may take time to surface.
When I live with my family especially my sister, we used to argue sometimes and that makes me feel wants to live separate with her but now after she moved to another city because of works and we rarely meet each other it worse than when she used to live with me. I even ever have panic attacks and it frighten me because I live alone and living alone makes me depressed. So I think it is best living with other either with your friends, family or partners rather than you live alone.
Change is a big deal if you've been with this person for a while you start to think that all relationships are that way. From having that view point you then don't want to leave because looking at the good just shows you what you would be missing out on if you did leave the relationship. Also media plays a part in it.
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