So I'm watching this movie and realizing that very few people take responsibility for their "issues" when dating someone. This movie, while funny, gave a great exploration of honesty involved in a persons choice to sabotage their relationships so they build walls to prevent hurt and attachment. The only thing is with love you have to open up and try in order to get the most our of your interaction. There is no crystal ball to guarantee happiness but you can count on being alone if you are afraid to open up and allow someone healthy to love you.
What do you thing about people damaged when dating? Do you recognize the signs when someone is really damaged?
" very few people take responsibility for their "issues" when dating someone." - Very true!
I'm constantly reminding folks that each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Most people however would rather play the "blame game" or victim with regard to their failed relationships over and over again.
This causes them to build walls of protection to such an extreme of shutting out what they say the want! Some even get to a point where they want someone to love them in ways they have no intentions of loving them back!
"The person with the least amount of emotional investment in the relationship controls it." They believe if they don't put their all into the relationship they won't ever get hurt again.
Let's face it anyone who has ever gone through a breakup or divorce and they didn't initiate it or want it has been damaged! That's almost all us!
For most people after a heartache (timing) becomes the issue.
Some people shut down everyone that comes immediately afterwards and others decide to play the field. This is why lots of people want to avoid people who just came out of a relationship/marriage. No one wants to be the rebound person until they're ready to roll the dice with someone new.
Whenever someone says they don't trust men or women or they're (all) "no good", "liars", "gold diggers" or "cheaters" what they're really saying is: "I don't trust (myself) to (choose a good one)!"
Therefore they seek to avoid ever putting themselves in a vulnerable position again. People who are really damaged tend to keep relationships at "arms length". They're usually careful not to say or do anything to infer they're "in love" or want "exclusivity". They always want to be in the position to say: "I never said....etc" while leaving things open for the other person to "assume" that just because he/she is kind, affectionate, and has fun with you means they're "falling in love" (too).
With these people you have to listen not only to what they do say but also to what they (don't) say. Making (assumptions) can lead to heartache.
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by kirstenblog 6 years ago
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