My daughter needs some advice about her marriage

1. 53

   UNBIASEDOPINIONposted 15 years ago

   My daughter needs some advice about her marriage
   
   She married a wonderful christian attentive man. Now that she is pregnant he has lost interest and spends all his evenings with his family. She is so sad and lonely. She is their main source of income yet she let him manage their money until he wrecked their budget. She stopped talking to me because his pastor suggested that they needed to grow closer as a unit until he told her that the pastor was dating his male cousin. (His is also male!) She is all but hopeless and spends all of her time alone, pregnant watching tv. I am so sad that he is not the man she had hoped he was. What now?

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2. 60

   benaloyposted 15 years ago

   Am 72and have 2 daughters and a son --- all 3 have their own kids and doing fairly well in life.
   My advice to my both daughters on ther wedding day was: ''A man needs an Angel in the Home and a Devil on the Bed''.
   My daughters have no financial problem and their husbands are damn happy to serve them in all facets of Life.
   Remember the world's large banks and financial institutions failed merely because there wasn't women on governing boards to maintain a sense of balance.
   Man and Woman are equal and essential to each other.
   Teach our children these facts.
   Because my Wife wasn't taught these simple facts she has lost my respect and lives away from me !

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3. 60

   rkhyclakposted 15 years ago

   I would suggest to your daughter that she does what SHE feels is right, not a pastor, not a family member, etc. Remind her that she is a grown woman and has to make her own decisions. Try to help her realize that she needs to fix the situation now before the baby arrives. I would suggest that she takes the family finances over until they are steady again, explain to the husband her expectations for the budget and the marriage. Ask him what his expectations are and try to work for a compromise. I also think she needs to find a support system, whether it be your or friends, and find ways to get out of the house. Pregnancy and depression isn't healthy and can increase the risk of post-partum depression. At this point, it is my opinion, that the baby takes priority. She needs to do what is best for the child. I do have a hub on ways to strengthen the marriage- http://hubpages.com/hub/10-Easy-Ways-to … r-Marriage      Perhaps it could help. Best of luck to you, your daughter and your new grandchild!

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4. 60

   RevLadyposted 15 years ago

   There is a lot of important information that is not known, but based on what you have shared, I make the following suggestions.
   
   First and foremost, your daughter must communicate with her husband and share her feelings and thoughts (without casting blame or being negative) and ask his feelings and thoughts on what is effecting his normally attentive behavior and how it can be improved, can a compromise be agreed upon that will satisfy both parties, etc.
   
   A session with a respected pastoral or Christian counselor may be appropriate to help build her self-esteem and strength for managing her life, particularly with a child on the way.
   
   Instead of watching TV, it would probably be more helpful to spend time learning about becoming a new parent, needs of infants, etc. She could explore the internet to obtain ideas and so forth. If she does not have a computer, there is free use at any library in her vicinity.
   
   Her situation is not unusual, as we know from the Tiger Woods fiasco. Many men find their wives unattractive during the pregnancies. Some handle their nervousness about becoming a father by “running away” from the sight (pregnant wife). Others burdened with the knowledge of becoming a father and the new responsibilities associated with it sometimes become distant and unresponsive, and so on.
   
   Also, it is not unusual for the pregnant wife's behavior and attitude to alter, sometimes become erratic, due to all the hormonal changes that are occurring. Could this be an issue? This is why communications is absolutely essential.
   
   In most cases, where the relationship between husband and wife was good prior to the pregnancy, when the baby arrives, his behavior will change. Many fathers, and most Christian fathers, experience great joy and step up to the plate of fatherhood. And the bonus, quite often is that the in-laws can become allies.
   
   Best regards,

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