why is my wife so defensive about herself everytime i ask her a questions?

1. 50

   kolpo234posted 15 years ago

   why is my wife so defensive about herself everytime i ask her a questions?
   
   why is your phone busy?why haven't you text me or call me?whose with you?who drives you home or is someone drives you home?
   
   after i ask those question..she said why do keep asking me those kind of question everyday and said to me that why im so doubtful to her?

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2. 56

   Callan S.posted 15 years ago

   How would you feel if you kept being asked those questions?

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3. 73

   Lady Roseposted 14 years ago

   Love and trust go together. If you are jealous or insecure, talk about it and explain how you feel, instead of questioning and doubting her answers.

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4. 60

   Lynda Garyposted 14 years ago

   Your wife is being defensive because the tone of your questions is accusatory, even though your intentions may be otherwise.
   
   My mother was this way and it made it hell to live with her as a teen.  She lacked diplomacy.  You may, too.
   
   Focus on the reason for your questions:  When you say, "Why haven't you sent me a text?" are you perhaps thinking, "I love it when I know you are thinking about me, and when you don't text me, I feel like you aren't thinking about me."  If that's the case, then TELL HER what you are really thinking, and forget the question altogether.
   
   Rather than saying, "Why is your phone busy?" you might say, "I tried to call but the line was busy.  I was just missing you and wanted to say hello."  See? No question.  But you've opened the door for her to say, "Oh, I was talking to (name).  I'm sorry I missed your call."  And if she doesn't tell you who she was talking to, so what?  She IS an individual and is entitled to a life that only includes you but is not LIMITED to you.   Understand?

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5. 58

   lanealaneaposted 14 years ago

   I am not asked those questions in my marriage at any time. The best answer that I would give to you would be, what is the reason that you are asking her those questions. If you can get that figured out, then you should be at the bottom of it. Hope this helps a bit.

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6. 60

   magx01posted 14 years ago

   What was the genesis for these sorts of questions?
   
   Letting us know that would be very useful.

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7. 61

   prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

   It is annoying to ask her that, was she a cheater before.
   You should learn to trust her bec. it is an important ingredient in a relationship.
   if you don;t truest her, you will always quarrel. it hurts when someone you love don't trust you.
   If you have doubts, ask her about things.

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8. 52

   tultulganguly85posted 13 years ago

   Hoom..I want to know one thing. do you think your wife looks so lovely all the time?
   Are u scared about her boyfriend ? Why you always try to make her bore?
   I am very happy atleast her attitude for you only defensive;

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9. 0

   CJ Sledgehammerposted 13 years ago

   Kolpo, this sounds like the process of interrogation that my dad would put me through each time I tried to see a flick on a Friday night. My dad was a very suspicious and paranoid man, but the kicker is that I never gave him a reason to doubt me. As a youth, I flew straight as an arrow, and I still do.
   
   You must ask yourself why you feel the need to interrogate your wife. Has she proven herself to be untrustworthy? Is it, perhaps, that you are a jealous sort? I don't know you well enough to know if your anxiety is valid or unfounded. Is this issue driven by your own insecurities or is it warranted? I cannot say for sure.
   
   Either way, you are headed for an ulcer or divorce if this continues. Perhaps marital counseling is in order and I pray that you are not abusive, because this line of questioning reminds me of the control tactics used by abusers and control freaks. I pray that you are neither.

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