My boyfriend & I for 14months are on the verge of breaking up. He wants to break up because I want marriage & he is not ready, he’s 44 I’m 36. He felt pressured & now having second thoughts about us because he said I get cold and close out when we have arguments, & also that we have two strong different opinions on things. But instead of breaking up right he suggested that we should take a month break off to think things through. I’m not sure if he's sincere about this or just using the tme. Is he really over me? I dont want to loose him. Please help me, should I talk to him now?
Well at least you let him know where you stand. If that is what you want, stick with it......Don't settle for anything less. Being away from each other may bring you guys closer in a stronger way. Maybe the distance would be good, but will only be worth it if things get better when you two get back together.
I hate to say this, but if he's asking for a break, there's little to no chance that you guys are going to make it.
You are going to have to make a few decisions. First and foremost, you aren't going to be marrying this guy. He won't come around. So, you have to decide if you are going to let the relationship end because you NEED to get married, or if your going to stay with him in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without the possibility of marriage. If you truly love this man, I'd recommend sticking it through. Sometime down the road, he may come around. Are there reasons that he doesn't feel ready? Maybe you two can talk through these reasons. Just don't push. Guys hate to be pushed or rushed. You should really be thankful that he's come clean as to not being ready to be married. Many guys won't discuss matters of the heart.
Take things a bit slower. 14 months isn't that long of a time.
It sounds like there is a bit of a communications breakdown between the two of you. Try talking to him without involving the emotion. Things need to not get heated or hurtful.
I hope that things get better for you.
Thank you ImpercialPC for your inputs. Your opinion is great as they seem reasonable and valid. My bf and I are back and together again after over a week separation and when i feel good again to talk to him we talked. I realized that it was not fair to give him the ultimatum (although we are somewhat with age - he's 44 and I'm 36) and if we want family we shouldnt wait esp that we are gret together as a couple. As far as reason why he wasnt ready - he did not really said a specific reason why but just said to me he's not ready yet and did not feel the need to rush. I did not understand because we love each other and enjoyed being together, and he seemed into me and our relationship. During our discussion he did say that he will propose this year and did not know why i feel the need now, and said what difference does it make? anyways, we're back, the bond is more stronger this time and he's making more effort making me feel secure he wants to be together; there is no doubt we have such great connection and chemistry and love is truly in the air, but for some reason because he's never been married , i cant help to feel sometime if he really meant it or does he have fear of marriage? And he doesnt like it when i doubt him so i tried not to make a fuss of it. Your input againon the entire situation is appreciated!
First of all 14 months is only slightly more than a year of dating!
Sometimes it takes people a good 2 years to really get to know a person. A lot of times people make the mistake of making a "commitment" during the "infactuation phase" of a relationship.
They don't know how the other person handles stress or disappointments in life (especially those coming from their mate)
You have to go through a little adversity with someone in order get the full picture of what you're dealing with.
Dating for 2 years is about long enough to find out if this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
After 2 years maybe you get engaged, set a date for 1 year out and spend that year living together. This will give you an idea as to how household chores would be handled as well as sexual compatability. Does the frequency and quality drop significantly?
You want to do all you can to make sure you're making the right choice. Jumping into a marriage and then trying to "fix it" after the fact is big mistake. The real "work" is in selecting (the right mate). Once you've done that the so called "work" in a marriage is more akin to a "Labor of love".
You need to ask yourself "Why is getting married so important to me?" Do you want to marry HIM because he's "Mr. Right" and you're "Madly In Love with him" or is it because you're 36 and just want to get married? What is the upside for him?
Is it a security issue? I'm sure you are aware the divorce rate is near 55%, Saying "I do" does not mean "forever".
With regard to a "Trial Separation" it's really a "practice breakup" without the drama of a messy break up.
You'll see each other less and less, talk to each other less until one day they say, "I think it would be best for us to move on with our lives". By now the "shock" of breaking up is gone and usually it's a forgone conclusion before "the talk" even happens. I once wrote a blog about this.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/tria … ky-558691/
The next step for most people is seeking "Closure".
Personally I think it's overrated. Ultimately the goal in life is to find someone who loves and adores you for who you are! In case you want to read my take on closure see below.
Best of Luck!
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/quot … nt-549052/
Through this write-up we intend to talk about more about the motivational sayings as well as the very best method to try them as well as their origins as well. Motivational sayings have already been applied mainly to motivate people and then we already know about this. All these sayings have been applied for centuries and have located a approach to stay valued for the period of time. They were passed on from father to son, from mom to daughter. What is most important, they're nonetheless becoming produced up by folks in tough scenarios or extraordinary activities.
by Meridian.1960 18 months ago
Does a woman feel threatened when a man brings up relationship issues?When a man initiates a conversation regarding unhappiness in a relationship, does a woman feel put down, or threatened?
by Jluvies 8 years ago
My boyfriend wants me to conform to his rules and is trying to teach me structure and discipline. I don't agree with what it's doing to our relationship or how it is making me feel. It just so happens that I decided to write about it last night- < no self-promotional links> And...
by deergha 5 years ago
A live in relationship or marriage?Which one is better according to you? Is there any other option ?
by CharlieNikhole 3 years ago
Is it normal to fight so much after only being married for a few months?Is it normal to fight so much after being married only a short time?Is it normal to question your marriage when it has just begun?and how do you save it from falling apart when there seems to be no hope?
by wifelv 2 years ago
My ex had an affair with married women and they are still together after it all began 3yrs ago. Our divorce was final 3 months ago. They are now living together. I keep waiting for them to get back what they gave out, but it seems to be taking a long time. She will not let him talk with me or see...
by Steven Escareno 2 years ago
Unlike my previous forum topics, this does have a lot to do with me. I just broke up with someone that I cared very deeply for. I can't say why I was the one that decided to end things, but I can tell you that I did have very good reasons to break up with her. I can't tell anyone...
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|