How do you get a man to open up and express his feelings?

1. 61

   jsteve27posted 14 years ago

   How do you get a man to open up and express his feelings?
   
   It seems when you ask a man questions about what is on his mind about "sticky" situations like relationship issues they seem to close up.

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2. 82

   zsobigposted 14 years ago

   I think being honest is the most important thing, but people need time to open up for others - even if they are friends for a long time.
   Between friends it is easier to talk about these, although men usually don't do this - they keep everything for themselves.
   Therefore you must be patient and broad-minded, but never put pressure on a man in issues about feelings - let him open up - time will solve your problem I hope.

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3. 60

   dabeanerposted 14 years ago

   The reason for clamming up is that they know you can't handle the truth.  Never ask a question you are not willing to accept the answer for.

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4. 61

   MickSposted 14 years ago

   'There is this place, where women are afraid to look....'
   Frank Herbert, Dune.
   You don't, Mother  Nature made us this way for a reason, and made women the way they are for a reason.  Yes, it's good to talk, for women.
   Already you are using language that is alien to men: open up, express his feelings, what's on his mind, look at the quote up top, you don't want to know, relationship issues.
   Why did Mum make us this way, because we can put a spear through an enchanting deer or an arrow through an endearing rabbit, emotion gets in the way, do we like it, well no, not really, but we have to eat and keep warm, it's to do with survival.  What are women good at in the survival stakes - stability, relationship issues, feelings, emotion...

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5. 60

   wytegarillazposted 14 years ago

   When he talks make sure you really listen, dont act like you know all the answers , just listen, if you do that he will open up again.
   ask at a relaxing time , glass of wine  ask the question then wait for him to answer.

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6. 60

   GdessLaceyposted 14 years ago

   I can tell you how it is for my husband and myself. He used to be open, then he clammed up and now he's open with me again. Timing is very important with those conversations. If they are very frequent it just frustrates him. If it's right after he gets home from work, it annoys him. If it's close to when he goes to bed it also annoys him. It's a good idea to set a time to talk where you are both relaxed and calm.
   
   Don't point fingers or accuse, they only turn it around. Be as open you can with the way you feel. Make sure you can give examples for specific issues, it helps with the changing process. Be sure to listen to what he has to say and be willing to meet him half way. He has issues too, he just doesn't say anything cause he probably feels the same way you do.
   
   I've noticed with my husband that the way he feels is exactly the way I feel. We mirror each others emotions, our fears, etc. So I started acting the way I wanted him to act. I started treating him the way I wanted him to treat me, and he's starting to get on the same wavelength. To raise his vibrations, start with your own. I hope that helps.

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7. 50

   anonomousMonkposted 14 years ago

   While a great fan of the "Dune" series and agree in part with the last commentator's ideas, I would like to offer a differing view.
   
   Classically women have been called "fickle" or worse in their emotional transitions.  This scares men....  Especially a man that cares deeply about the way that you feel.  We don't like hurting people (more than you could believe), and we don't always know how you are going to react to our transient emotions.  (Yes, they are as irrational and temporary as your own.)  The commentator that suggested that you find a time that you BOTH are in a calm state of mind has a VERY good point.  He needs to feel that he can speak his mind and then re-judge his statements to form a more rational perspective without being judged or belittled for your patience; and you need to be in a mind frame not to take things too personally and understand that emotions need release (no matter how irrational their expression is {within sanity of course}).
   
   Believe it or not...  He needs to do the same thing for you in order for your TRUE opening up and expression of feelings to reach him.  Although women typically learn speech and talk more than men, this does not always mean that women are any better at expressing themselves truthfully in feeling and emotions than men are.  When men don't know how to express themselves, they typically clam up; so as not to say the wrong thing.  When women don't know how to express themselves, they typically talk in circles; so as not to say the wrong thing.
   
   We are both more similar on this issue than one might think.  Look past the surface behaviors.
   
   There is, however, a truth in the statement 'There is this place, where women are afraid to look...'     It is an old ideal; with roots in chivalry.  Women are not ignorant to the methods of survival, but masters at it.  Where is that place?  Only you and your man can decide.

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