At some point if you can't take it you just have to say something to him/her.
Make sure to still be compassionate as probabaly they will be offended no matter how nice you put it. Be honest, candid and have real examples ready for the question "What do you mean?"
Address the behavior no matter what and don't try to insult your spouse as a persan and try to make sure to talk about how it negatively impacts you. Also, be ready to offer some suggestions.
You're best to address the behaviour as it happens. For example when a situation leads your spouse to be obnoxious, address the behaviour in regards to that particular situation, rather than being critical of them as a person as a whole.
Honey haven't you realized that you're a tad bit obnoxious. It's not just me, everyone else knows........
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