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My(20yrs) wife's best friend is a man who is in-love with her.

  1. profile image48
    vanpeltposted 7 years ago

    My(20yrs) wife's best friend is a man who is in-love with her.

       The man is married his wife emotionally not there.
    My wife I believe is trying to heal the wounds of a father who abandoned her as a little girl. My wife wants to continue the friendship with this  man.   She plans to puts some restrictions on the friends.   I trust her but I am wondering if we are not asking for trouble by continuing the friendship with this man.

  2. Sweetsusieg profile image85
    Sweetsusiegposted 7 years ago

    If you can, make friends with the man as well.  If he gains respect for you he might not feel inclined to pursue your wife, other than in a friendly nature.

    I had a best friend who was a man, he was friends with my husband as well.  I did love him, but not in 'that' way.

  3. Sterling Carter profile image74
    Sterling Carterposted 7 years ago

    I would agree with Sweets, if you become friends with this fella as well.

    I have had several women become very good friends of mine. Mostly through introducing them to hunting and taking them hunting.  In every instance the woman "fell" in love with me.

    I pride myself in being able to draw the line as it where and only be best friends. The respect that I gained from being able to stay a straight course is well known in my area.

    Not that I ever said a word to anyone. The most of the women I taught over the years told other women that I was trust worthy and recommended me to them.

    Your wife might well have the same attitude. The question is can she be friends without being lovers?

    If you can answer this with a positive note then you have no worries. If you can't you need to talk to her friend and let him know that you know his heart.

  4. profile image48
    vanpeltposted 7 years ago

    Sweetsusieg thanks for the reply. Was your male best friend in love with you?  Did your husband know at the time?
    Didn't you feel that you would eventually hurt your best friend because he would not be able to fulfill the desires of the friendship that the bestfriend wanted?

         Carter.  Were you married?  When you remained just friends with the women who fell in love with you did it end up hurting them since they could not take the friendship to the next level?

  5. wychic profile image90
    wychicposted 7 years ago

    If you truly trust your wife, then I don't see any problem at all. One of my very good friends is male, and has been in love with me for over eight years. He still occasionally lets me know that his feelings remain unchanged, but he knows that I am happily married and, before my marriage, I still wasn't interested in him in that way. He's accepted that, and we're both able to remain good friends. That said, if he was still in the same town, I would use the same rules with him as I do with all my other male friends...if I go to meet them anywhere, I'm taking my husband, a female friend, or a family member along so that no one ever has occasion to question my conduct at any time. My husband trusts me implicitly, and that little extra measure makes sure that he knows I'm thinking about him and won't do anything to ever make him wonder.

  6. brandonfowler66 profile image79
    brandonfowler66posted 7 years ago

    Its a suggestion that by letting the friendship continue, you're probably asking for trouble knowing how this man feels about your wife.

  7. deblevey726 profile image59
    deblevey726posted 6 years ago

    It is never a good idea to have a 'best friend' relationship with a member of the opposite sex who is not already your spouse. My husband is my best friend, and I, his. Keeps things simple. Works well if you can wrap your head around the concept of safe love.  Most people can't.

    This is my opinion and advice...tell her to choose between you and the best friend. She cannot have two men in love with her at the same time, no matter what her intentions! It will end badly, one way or another.   By turning to your wife for comfort his wife will not give, he is alienating her affection for you.You could sue him It's best to end it now, while the pain is still small. Tell him to get a counsellor, he can't have your wife.

    Don't act too heavy handed with your wife, or she might rebel.  Speak to her gently, lovingly, but firmly.  Tell her you are not okay with the friendship, that its not about trust, its about propriety...what's right and wrong. It is right that you be her best friend forever, not another man outside the marriage,  Real love, marital love demands both partners forsake everything and every one outside the  relationsip, even completely platonic best friends forever.

    Furthermore, if this situation is bothering you it's a threat to the marriage, plain and simple. You need to decide if you're willing to risk losing her by giving her an ultimatum, because she may choose him.  However, in my opinion, if she does that, your marriage was already broken.

    She needs to realize you are the appropriate BFF. Not him, not anyone else. Furthermore, this guy shouldn't be leaning on the shoulder of another man's wife, He should be seeking counselling and consolation from another man who can relate to his marital difficulties and offer what he needs, understanding and sound advice, not  a soft sholder and a sympathetic ear.

    1. NiaLee profile image59
      NiaLeeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      i agree wven though i ddn't being that bold...this is thw naked truth.

  8. Attikos profile image78
    Attikosposted 6 years ago
  9. lostdogrwd profile image59
    lostdogrwdposted 6 years ago

    don,t be a fool to woman games. you are her friend now and if she still has some out side of you.  then keep believing her for what kept in secret will come out and whats going to come out is out feeling the fool. I hope you are under 30 if not , then what did you expect.

  10. NiaLee profile image59
    NiaLeeposted 5 years ago

    Sliding away gently is the best option because any trouble in your couple would be a threat wih him around. Now it is your wife's decision to make but you can let her know nicely about that.