Being "in love" usually keeps a person from wanting to hurt or betray another. Feeling neglected, taken for granted, verbal/physical abuse, and rejected sexually can lead one to explore other "options" or at least cause them to be more receptive if shown some appreciation by another.
Aside from "being in love", (Both people have to want the same things!) There is no right or wrong, only agree and disagree. If two people don't want the same things it's over.
It's also important to remember in all relationships we are either "growing together" or "growing apart", "nurturing or neglecting".
Just because someone is married does not mean they get to "Relax". Much like the work in a garden a person must continue to plant seeds, water it, pull up weeds, and keep out the pest. Never stop dating, having sex, and being romantic!
There are bascially 3 types of cheaters
1. The incessant cheater ( gets bored easily, flirts constantly)
Motto: Variety is the spice of life!
2. The unbeliveable opportuntiy cheater
(Someone attractive/out of their league hits on them)
Motto: The best way to handle temptation is to yeild to it!
3. The discontented cheater (neglected/unappreciated)
This person feels "justified"
The first two comes down to selecting the wrong mate.
The third one however can be the result of not listening to a mate or ignoring their needs in some way. However it has the best chance of working out if both people are willing to make some changes.
It takes more courage to walk out of marriage than most people have. Given a choice between going through a costly messy divorce or venturing outside in attempt to fill a gap... A lot of people will opt to step out on their spouses.
Other people treat relationships like jobs... they can't leave one unless they know they have another one waiting for them in the wings.
Their choices and descisions make them faithful and unfaithful. They feel they are taking a right choice becasue they feel they are wise. It is always better to consult and advise close friends.
Many factors come into play...some having nothing to do with their spouse. Some get into relationships/married young, and have never had a chance to experience other partners. At some point, regardless of how they feel about their spouse, they become curious ("the grass is always greener on the other side".)
Some have too much sexual activity prior to marriage, and being committed to one individual makes them feel stifled and tied down.
Then there are those that feel insecure within themselves, and the affections they receive from others temporarily soothes their ego.
As for those that do not cheat, they will usually have had a stable childhood, are self assured, and have a strong sense of commitment to family.
(Either that, or they just have a lower sex drive...lol.)
I believe it crosses almost everyones mind at one time or another, the difference, like many things in life is in how we handle the temptation and how important the consequences might be to us.
Hi, my name is NZ TUI , And i can give you the answer that fully relates to my husband and I .
To start with we have been married now for thirty years , We have three sons ( All grown and Gone !! ) . Now we are living on our own and as much as we love each other, boredom does set in !! We have reached that stage in our lives where if we sit and do nothing , we are waisting what time we have left !!. We have talked about this often and come up with the same answer every time ( DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY )
So i prefer not to call it unfaithful but both of us have marital hobbies !! Unfaithful comes from playing about behind your partners back , Faithful comes from talking about it and coming to a mutual agreement . Boredom plays a big part in our lives and it can cause havoc in any relationship , Then there is Jealousy which can get nasty , IF you can't get over that then you don't really have a relationship, Jealousy usualy comes from your partner getting something that you are not !!
Commitment, sincerity of vows, respect for spouse, human weakness............knowing the cost that an indiscretion could cost a mate.
At the end of the day, we have all been tempted. Some of us have been stronger that others. None of us are better than the other simply because we have not fallen.
I do hope people continue to give their thoughts. I have loved reading what everyone think---it is all so fascinating. Based on experience and any number of other factors we can all approach a questions like this different and yet in some ways a little of the same. Watching the dynamics of the relationships of a couple of young friends has made me wonder what cause someone to (1) hurt another and (2) be so utterly hurt by another?????
There are a lot of factors that relate to "faithfulness". Scientific studies now tell us that people have a gene that can attribute to things like serial monogomy or infidelity.
However, a person remains faithful to you because of you, just like you remain faithful to them because of them. There are a wealth of other reasons why people change or why people are faithful. They love you, they promise to you, they are your soumate, the fear of losing you, communication within the relationship.
What it seems to me, is that if you have an equal giving/loving relationship and communicate, then people do stay committed to each other and are more prepared to weather the storm of a relationship
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