Are you the kind of person, that give in easy to people, because they make you feel a bit...
paralysis to say no to them?
in some instances i am but i can also be a hardass. i have a soft spot for people who are trying to get ahead but strugling but if your srlfish or lazy, don't ask me for anything because i will let you know how i feel about you.
Sometimes I do that. It depends on my level of self-esteem which fluctuates. When I feel emotionally secure and confident, I can mentally identify that what they say has no real force to it in the material world and the reactions inside me are my own doing.
When I'm tired, worn out, or depressed, I tend to personalize things that happen "out there" and when I'm like this, I will definitely give in.
I feel a need to help people when they phrase things in a way that put them in a position of helplessness. Don't know why. My dad's the same way and very altruistic, sometimes to his detriment.
I used to be like that... then in my early 20's I realized that I need to set boundaries after I had a problem with one person who tended to always take advantage of my easygoing nature. A counselor explained this to me and it is so true that you really have to set boundaries because there is always someone out there who would take advantage. So now I am still very ready to help others but only if it doesn't conflict with my own needs or those of my family. I really don't have any problem saying a polite 'no' to people now. Also I used to be eager to be liked by everyone and I tried to be a 'people pleaser' too much. Now I have the attitude 'this is how I am, take it or leave it' - if someone doesn't like me the way I am or doesn't respect my choices, I don't want to hang out with them anyway. Interestingly, I have more friends now than I did back when I was a 'people pleaser'!
If you're asking this question because you feel like your friendship with someone is only going one-way (they are always 'taking' and you are always 'giving'), then it is not a true friendship and it might be time to avoid them or only see them for short times in situations when you can easily leave whenever you want to, or only in group settings. Some of the 'takers' are not really 'bad people' and might even be having difficult times... but if they're not respecting you or your boundaries and you feel like you're in a one-way street then it's time to do SOMETHING - either set boundaries (don't give in!), or confront them, or leave. Speaking from experience. Hope this helps.
I was when i was younger. Now I am capable of saying no and standing my ground...unless my children, or their children need something. Then I revert to that young woman who cannot say no.
No. HELL NO. check out the article on "Necessary Rudeness" @ http://www.christopherhawkins.com/07-15-2004.htm
When someone is so ignorant to the point of being rude - this does not exempt them from responsibilty to take cues for them to leave the other person alone.
yes! it's extremely hard for me to say no to anybody. I try to please everyone, but sometimes in this world it is just impossible.
Sometimes people 'give in,' even when they don't really want to because they feel guilty if they say, no. Learning to be more assertive and how to say no is not difficult. Especially if you take the time to read my hub, "Assertive Behavior - How to Say No."
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