Time for a second chance? A personal problem..

1. 81

   Syrusv37posted 13 years ago

   Time for a second chance? A personal problem..
   
   I used to be very close with this girl, we also dated for a while until we realized we'd be better off as friends. Ever since high school ended we drifted apart and she's been doing things like coke, weed, and abusing alcohol. Recently she's contacted me saying she's been in the hospital for detoxing and wants to hang around with me because she knows I don't do drugs or drink much. However, I know her well and before, after detoxing, she would end up going back to using. It's been more than two years since we were close and she swears this time is different. Should I give her a second chance?
   
   

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2. 60

   Dave Mathewsposted 13 years ago

   Yes and a third and a fourth if you are a true friend. Love your friend but hate the addiction.

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3. 89

   Just Ask Susanposted 13 years ago

   Yes if you are a true friend that cares about her always give her the benefit of the doubt whether she uses again or not. Be there for her she needs you.

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4. 61

   Amber4posted 13 years ago

   Absolutely.  And I'm sure it's no coindicidence that she has chosen you to "save her".

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5. 60

   Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

   Before you let her in you need to [for your own sake] set boundaries. She sounds v emotional so its important that she does not become co-dependent on you. Thats when the energy feed begins and neither of you need that.
   You say you know her and that you think she'd go back to using.. well, it sounds like you lack confidence in her. And she will pick up on this if she hasn't already.
   What she needs is love support and guidance. She needs you or someone, to [show her how to] believe in herself again. If she doesn't find it in you then she'll go back to using or find someone who can really help her. However, bear in mind she is NOT your responsibility. It is 100% hers.
   Be honest with her, but set boundaries.

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6. 59

   MickSposted 13 years ago

   Time after Time
   if you're lost you can look
   and you will find me
   time after time
   if you fall I will catch you
   I'll be waiting
   time after time
   Cyndia Lauper
   that is what lovers do, that is what friends do.

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7. 60

   MrsNoumanposted 13 years ago

   Absolutely, give her the benefit of the doubt.  When someone is in rehab/detox/recovery their first solution for not relapsing is to lose all the friends who use, and get in contact with old friends who don't use or make new friends.  She may have contacted you as part of her recovery process but don't be her enabler or fall weak to her request to do drugs or purchase them for her.  Also it is wise to keep a strictly platonic relationship with someone who is in rehab or recovery because they where so dependent on drugs to live and they need to learn how to become independent again and starting in a relationship while trying to recover is really frowned upon.

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8. 59

   fucsiaposted 13 years ago

   I think you can give her a second chance, but only if you really want.

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9. 60

   awoodogposted 13 years ago

   Friends help friends, if they don't accept the help you give or offer thats up to them. To sit back and watch and do nothing will tear you up inside. I know this from personal experience. You can only be supportive, and do your best to help her through the tough moments. I think thats what she needs. Being around someone who is not into that lifestyle, is something she needs as well. She cares enough to ask you to be there for her, it's a good start.

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10. 67

    holyjeans30posted 13 years ago

    Okay, first of all, do you realize that the picture you've posted could be a huge trigger for a recovering addict? Just sayin.  You should absolutely give your friend a second chance.  A person doesn't relapse because they aren't serious about getting clean.  Addiction is a disease, whether people choose to believe that or not.  Getting sober in a controlled setting like rehab, as hard as it may be, is still the easiest part.  The hard part for your friend is staying clean once out of the facility where every day triggers can be overwhelming.  The fact that she reaches out to you is promising. Sick people NEED healthy people in their life at all times during the recovery process.  Everyone deserves a second chance, even a 3rd or 4th as long as they keep trying, as long as it isn't having a negative impact on your life.  This doesn't mean to enable them.  As one of the other readers stated, set boundaries, and stick to them. That seems cruel, but you can't help a sick person if helping them is dragging you down.  Many times, the only chance an addict has of getting clean, and turning their life around, is when they hit rock bottom of the rock bottom of THEIR rock bottom.  And as long as they continue to have help, WHILE THEY ARE USING, they won't see any reason to quit.  But as long as they are staying clean and making that effort, of course you want to be there and be a strong part of her support system.  I lost my kids 4 years ago next month because of drugs. That was MY rock bottom.  Did I relapse, yes I did.  Did I try again, yes I did. If I hadn't had my family, and my friends' support, there would have been many more relapses, or none at all because I may have just given up and kept using. If you're wondering, I did get custody of my kids back.  I got sober, went back to work as a nurse, paid for an attorney, and fought tooth and nail to get my life and my kids back.  So just always remember that your friendship and support is more vital to her than you realize.

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11. 62

    internett1t3posted 13 years ago

    Everybody deserve a second chance just give her another maybe this time it's true.

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12. 59

    Edwin Chanposted 13 years ago

    yeah 2nd chance. What have you got to lose?

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