How to stop irritating kid tantrums?

1. 82

   peachpurpleposted 8 years ago

   How to stop irritating kid tantrums?
   
   My 7 year old boy had just started this tantrum. He wakes up in the morning and repeated his words like this" Mommy, help me to brush teeth. Mummy go away, Mummy come back, Mommy don't go, Mummy brush my teeth, mummy go away, mummy come back" When I said sternly, stop his repeats and make up his mind, he started to scream at the top of his voice and cry. He does that for his home work, breakfast time too. How do I stop him from repeating and make up his mind? I gave him ideas but he keep repeats

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   jfischerstoneposted 8 years ago

   Bust his rear end. I would not accept this behavior from my child.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      i did bust him but he yelled and scream and cried until the neighbors came out. Imagine that!

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   peeplesposted 8 years ago

   The key is figuring out why he is acting this way. Spanking a child ignores the cause of the problem and basically says "I don't care how you feel, just act how I want you to" Try talking to him about what you can do together to make him feel better. Explain the structure you expect, then ask him what you can both do to help him get to that point. At 7 a child is at that age of becoming independent, but still wanting mommy there to help.
   Is it possible that he is going through an emotional milestone? Missing out on some attention he use to get? Having issues at school you aren't aware of? Has an emotional delay? Children DO NOT have tantrums for no reason. Just like adults they have good days and bad days. Their behavior is directly related to something going on with them just like adults.
   Try talking, sticker charts, reward jars, or other things that let you son know you are supportive of him making good decisions. Be persistent!

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I must disagree. his day and time kids are spoiled rotten. Believe me, they know how to manipulate you at a very young age. Then we have those who do not believe in corporal punishment. How is that working out for you? How many tantrums do you put up

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      awesome answer peeples - I agree, tantrums always have an underlying cause.  With my oldest son, it turned out he was hypoglycemic and when he'd get hungry he'd melt down. The solution was a snack at the right time to keep his sugar steady.

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      peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I have 3 kids, do not spank, 1 Autistic, one Aspergers, and great behavior out of all 3 without hitting them. When we do have tantrums here we fix the problem, not beat them into submission.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You are taking my words completely out of context. My parents busted my rear end, their parents busted their rear ends. We all turned out just fine. If my parents would have given me a timeout I would have been overjoyed. Nonsense.

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      peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I want my kids to turn out better than "just fine". I choose to teach them hitting is not okay in any situation. As long as my children turn out happy, healthy, and productive I am happy. Many who weren't spanked turn out great.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, as a child who was hit at times, I always felt I wasn't being heard. I vowed to learn a better way with my kids. We teach kids not to hit, but then hit them when we don't like how they are acting? Aggression does not solve aggression.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You teach your child not to hit even if they are in a situation where they are being hit? You do not teach them to take up for themselves?

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      peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      The only time we should allow hitting is when put in a situation with NO other option. Those are far and few between that most people NEVER encounter. Christin, I never have understood it. Seems hypocritical.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      self-defense is not aggression. Dad is a black belt in Aikido, he has taught our kids self-defense, yet they have never felt threatened enough to use it. They walk away from confrontation and bullies. I'm proud of that.

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       peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       i agree that he wanted to learn something new but he refused to listen to my instruction. When I say do like this he says no , go away, come back, i hate you, teach me how to do and then repeat the whole cycle again. Seems that he can't decide

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4. 39

   ChristinSposted 8 years ago

   Rather than "busting his rear end" as the other comment suggested,  you could try an approach that doesn't teach your child that aggression is the answer to aggression. He's a 7 year old child who is still learning about boundaries and how to express his emotions. 
   
   First look for underlying problems.  If this is in the morning is he getting enough sound sleep? Is he perhaps too stimulated into the evening that his sleep is disturbed even if he's in bed long enough?  Is he hungry?  Hunger and poor quality sleep are two likely underlying causes for tantrums.  Address those issues and then work on  a specific and set sequence of events in the morning so that he doesn't have to deal with feeling confused.  He learns what is expected of him in what order.
   
   If he has a tantrum just insist "No, I'm sorry, but this is when we eat our breakfast, or this is when we brush our teeth".  Be firm and stick with the schedule you set. It establishes your boundaries and gives him structure.  That's the answer to tantrums - not aggressive behavior.
   
   He may continue to have tantrums as you adjust to the new routine, but keep sticking with it.  I've never hit one of my children even once, but I have set boundaries and they know not to cross me or they lose privileges.  Set boundaries and enforce them and be consistent. Young kids don't know what we expect of them without consistency.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      What if this aggression continues more often than not? In this case you are dealing with a spoiled child.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      No, I'm dealing with young human beings who I am in charge of molding and shaping into a responsible adult. I am complimented often on how kind and well behaved and mature they are actually, because I treat them with respect.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      i used to spank him in the past when he was 5-6 years old. He was really out of control. he yells back and hit me instead of just crying. When he was 7, I noticed that he can't accept spanking, so i stopped but he became worst.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      because you showed him aggression as an example - I'm sorry, that's not popular for people who want to justify spanking. You can't maintain control non-aggressively, but expect him to?  Lead by example and set proper boundaries.

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5. 68

   Sara Jofreposted 8 years ago

   I must say I get quite upset with people having absolute certainty on how to deal with EVERY KID. Every kid is different and "talking to them" might work with some and just not work with other. Some kids need consequences to learn. With some the consequence of "bust their rear end" doesn't work, with others it does work. YOU are the only person who knows your kid better and you should never let others make you feel guilty of what you are doing to educate him (in the legal limits, and a lot of common sense, of course).
   If I'm asked to advice, I think you should try to talk to him, to know if he's having any problem, why he is acting like that, is he feeling that you don't pay enough attention?, etc. If talking doesn't work (because, yes kids sometimes just MANIPULATE), you should give him some consequences to his wrong actions. Not necessarily busting his rear end, but having some "time out", taking away his toys, or books, or whatever he likes (I found out this is the best way to deal with my daughter, busting her rear end never worked anyway - but, has I said, every kid is different). You just have to find what works with your kid, and honestly, please ignore every "absolute certainty". With kids nothing is certain and in the future you might regret having listened to "specialists" in children, when with YOUR child YOU are the one who knows better. (I regret a lot having listened, too long, to specialists - the "no spanking", "no punishment" specialists. Because, you know what? children manipulate, children not always listen... You do what YOU find better for YOUR kid.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      i must say, you sound almost like me. I did took away his favorite stuff, computer and cellphone. He cried for hours and I ignore him. He yell and scream, I ignore him. I got scolded by dad

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      Sara Jofreposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Oh! if mum and dad are not in the same page then nothing will work! because that disagreement empowers the kid in keeping his bad behaviours. You have to support each other.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @sara
      yeah, i know that. Problem is dad doesn't agree with me.

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      Sara Jofreposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      In my opinion, if nothing you want to do is good enough for dad, just leave it to him to solve the problem. but refuse to "take care" of the child. Start being the playful parent.let the kid be. don't pay any attention besides playing with him. relax

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      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Except it doesn't sound like the dad has any interest in setting appropriate boundaries, so if she doesn't do it, no one does and the kid suffers.

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      Sara Jofreposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree at some point... the problem is, if the dad is always disregarding the mother, the result is even worst! It not only makes the kid not have any boundaries it also makes him believe his mother (and women in general) should be ignored.

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   The Examiner-1posted 8 years ago

   Just say to him, "Either you want my help or you do not. When you make up your mind, only one choice, you let me know. Until then I am not going to keep doing this. The only time that you cry or scream is when you are sick or hurt."
   Go about your chores and ignore his act - unless it really changes tone and you think that he is hurting. After a while, he will come to you - not crying or screaming - and maybe apologize but tell you that he has selected which way he has chosen. Or it will become quiet in his room and you can go check on him to see.

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      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You're going to tell a kid that they can only cry when they're sick or hurt? Really?

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      The Examiner-1posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Until they learn to stop crying for no reason. Once they learn that, then you can sit down and have a serious talk with them. It will only be a brief time for them to learn their lesson and stop this act.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      oh yes, i tried that, when i move away, he started to scream and yell until my neighbors came out. He insisted i stay and let him repeat until he is satisfied. My hubby scolded me for not stopping him. The only way to stop is spank.

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7. 74

   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   My first thought was that he might not be getting enough sleep. My daughter is younger than your son, but her 'bad' behaviour is magnified when she's overtired/overstimulated. Does he watch TV right before bed or anything else that might stimulate him before going to sleep?
   
   Just keep enforcing that you're not going to go back and forth when he changes his mind. Tell him you do will *one* thing at a time so that if you start helping him brush his teeth, you need to follow through with that action before moving on to the next.
   
   I agree with the other ladies that the tantrums are happening for a reason and you need to find out what it is rather than smacking him and saying you won't accept it. That's a sure fire way to let your kid know they can't express their frustration with you. You might want to work on finding a better way to help him express that, like a "time in". Sit, acknowledge that he's frustrated, ask him to use his words, let him know that if he tells you what's wrong you can help him fix it. If he still carries on then maybe just walk away for a bit and tell him where he can find you if he wants to talk about what's bothering him.
   
   There certainly are going to be kids that don't respond to the above, but that would be what I tried first (and give it some time). Due to the nature of his demands I do think it might be related to you specifically rather than acting out and requiring implemented consequences. The "help me", "go away", "don't leave" words make me think that helping him work through his frustrations would work well since they all deal with attachment. I think it'd be a different ballgame if he were throwing tantrums over 'stuff', like if you didn't buy him something at the store.
   
   Regardless of the issue or nature of the tantrums, spanking has been researched a ton over recent years and found to be ineffective time and time again. You can do consequences without resorting to hitting your kid.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      he always insisted to play computer games at night before bed time and it always past bedtime. His sleeping time is 11pm but sleeps at 2am in the morning. Dad says ok, I say no. That's the problem. He wakes up next afternoon 2pm, very irritating

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      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yikes, yeah, for a 7 year old that's not appropriate. Have an hour of wind down time before bed (reading, dimmed lights,) and then get him to bed way earlier than that. His sleep pattern is not consistent with his circadian rhythm. Quite unhealthy.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      video games until 10 or 11pm? My teenage son doesn't even do that.  There's part of the problem.

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      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      And to think people are recommending hitting a kid because he's allowed to stay up until 2am playing video games and is probably messing with his mood/ability to function. Sigh.

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      peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Oh wow hun, you got to override dad on that. My 9 year old and 11 year old are still in bed by 9. Bless his heart, mama he just isn't on a good sleeping pattern. Improve sleep schedule bet his behavior will change.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Now this is a whole different story. What is your husband thinking?

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @aime
      yes, i agree that the bed time is incorrect but dad insisted its ok because its school holiday. I m having a hard time to coax him to bed early. Both of us have different opinion.

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      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You're going to have to put your foot down on this one. Your kid is suffering because his sleep cycle is all messed up (and you're gonna have a heck of a time getting it back to normal so you might as well start now).

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8. 61

   Hope Centreposted 8 years ago

   My opinion is ...same ...about his sleep ...He's not getting enough sleep and may be ...He doesn't like to go to school...like my 6 years old daughter...It has nothing to do with school...Its a general hatred which some children develop in a certain age.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      now is school holiday, his problem started right after the holiday started. He sleeps very late 2am-4am instead of 10pm ( school days )

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   C.V.Rajanposted 8 years ago

   I think in the west, you are all too much concerned about "rights of children" that parents tend to become softer and softer in dealing with children. In setting right children from bad behavior, love and softness always don't work. Spanking once a while for throwing up tantrums is quite the norm in India.
   
   When my children were kids, we parents were loving, no doubt, but when it comes to good behavior, we never hesitate to give a beating or two, if children cross limits. I have personally seen that my children did correct themselves when they understood that we parents were genuinely angry. Children are not like elders who carry hatred on parents for having given a beating or two.

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      peachpurpleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      my mom used umbrella, cane, rope, belts to hit me when i was young. I use my bare hands to hit my son legs, buttocks. But now at 7 years old, i just scold him. Give him a stern look. Didn't work.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Children are humans, they do have rights. If your boss hit you because you didn't do what was expected of you would that be ok? Then why do people justify aggression against children still in a modern era?

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Modern era? That is what Is wrong with kids today. This is why they have such a lack of respect for adults. Yes children should obey their parents. I got my ass busted and I turned out fine. Spare the rod and spoil the child!

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Or, take a parenting class or two and maybe learn something about how to communicate effectively with children.  Not all people who don't hit their kids spoil them.   Lazy parenting, not lack of aggression causes spoiled kids.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I do not think so. I have two sons. One a doctor the other an attorney. Just keep referring your parenting skills to suit Dr. Spock Christin. This is the south. You talk back or disobey my rules you get your rear end busted. It has worked for years.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I was abused verbally and sometimes hit physically - I'm self-employed and pay my bills I guess that means it was ok since I turned out fine? Many people who get hit turn out just fine you're right - it's not because they were hit, it's despite it.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I am sorry you felt abused Christin. I too was an abused child. Mentally, physically, and sexually. This is when we must rise above and go on with our lives. I do believe in correcting children. Also remember dear there is a place for those abusers.

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      peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      On a side note, almost all serial killers report being spanked as a child, and they didn't turn out just fine. SO it really can go any way. It's our job as parents to do better for our children than what was done to us.

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      jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      All serial killers also probably were made to eat their spinach as a child as well. As far as serial killers they are born serial killers. There is nothing in their environment to prove otherwise. Take Ted Bundy. He was reared in a good home.

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Actually there is a ton of evidence that implies environmental causes to serial killers, but that's another issue. My point was that it is our job to do better than "just fine" for our kids. Being "fine" isn't a reason to encourage hitting more kids.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Girl have you ever been around a black family in your life? And how many serial killers are black. How many are not parented and end up in a gang. I be damned if one of mine is going to turn out this way. Grandchildren included. Lack of is the proble

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       28 black foster homes. You are equating parenting with spanking, someone can fully parent without ever hitting a child. My husband and his sisters were never spanked, all outstanding people.

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       jfisch, you're confusing serial killers with psychopaths. Not all serial killers are psychopaths. When the most influential form of teaching is modelling, it shocks me that people can't understand violence begets violence.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Did these black folk spank you peeples? Comparing serial killers to spanking a child is absurd anyway. Yes Aime killers are psychopaths and are born this way. Every serial killer I have heard of was a psychopath. What does it matter?

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I wasn't comparing, the space provided is not ample enough to explain much of anything.

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       jfisch, that is just completely untrue. It matters because you're saying environment doesn't play a role and that's a pretty dangerous mentality.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Aime F http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_kill … ych_6.html

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Over 70% of serial killers are abused as a child and you're comfortable thinking environment doesn't impact how a kid turns out?

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Did you read the entire article peeples? I was referring to serial killers being born psychopaths as Aime has argued they are not. What is it about you peeples that you must be right all of the time. You are in for a rude awakening concerning "ego."

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I have spent the last 12 years studying serial killers, so yes I am not trying to be right, I just am, so is Aime. It's not ego, you are using a site owned by  TV media to base a view on when I have read hundreds of books on the topic + schooling.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       You are right. The article is full of lies. Bless your heart.

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Uh... the article doesn't say that all serial killers are psychopaths. Maybe you should have another read. I never said that NO serial killers are psychopaths. I said that not ALL serial killers are psychopaths.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Maybe I will just leave this ridiculous conversation. I would suggest home schooling your child since you know everything.

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, not accepting your false claims definitely equates to us thinking we know everything. I'm sure there are topics that you know more about than we do. This just isn't one of them.

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       Sara Jofreposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       "If your boss hit [...] would that be ok?" - No but we do have other consequences. Can we fire our kids? no! we cannot. children are not adults, they must learn there are consequences and those have to depend from child to child. Some need a beating.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Believe what you want to believe little girl. I have forgotten more than you will ever know. I suggest you do some more research before thinking you are right. Apparently you were not punished as a child were you?

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Getting a bit snippy, are we? May I ask what your credentials are in this particular field that make you so sure you're more knowledgeable than I am?

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Let me get this right. You are trying to tell me that serial killers are not psychopaths? Girly you need to do your homework. By the way what are your credentials?

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I'm telling you that not ALL serial killers are psychopaths. Some definitely are.
       
       My credentials are two psychology degrees with a criminology minor.
       
       Your turn.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Who is the most notorious female serial killer of all time. You have 2 minutes to answer. NO GOOGLING!

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Elizabeth Bathory

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       This question was not intended for you peeples. But, you are correct. Indeed a psychopath. All serial killers are psychopaths but not all of psychopaths are serial killers. This woman was indeed a psychopath.

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry, I saw the 2 minutes was reached and couldn't resist.

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       peeplesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry, I saw the 2 minutes was reached and couldn't resist.

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       Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Oh good grief.
       
       Okay, you go on with your clearly superior knowledge. I'll return my degrees.
       
       And you were accusing me of thinking I knew everything. Ha.

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       jfischerstoneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Getting a little snippy aren't we?

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