Disagreement with hubby over in laws
My husband and I are constantly fighting about his parents. Every time I brng up their name he gets so defensive. They live in a different state and I suggested that instead of us visiting (we have 3 kids so that's 5 plane tickets) every year which can get expensive if we could alternate - we visit one year and they visit us the next. He went ballistic at the very idea of it and we have not spoken to each other in 2 days. I don't feel that I was being unreasonable. They have such a hold on him - I just don't understand what it is. I have a good relationship with them. I'm just getting pretty t
If you were as reasonable as you describe above, then it is his problem. You might try once again to discuss it, but other than that you cannot change him, so go about your business, he will get tired of pouting. It takes a lot of energy to keep up pouting and the silent treatment.
It sounds like your request was a reasonable one. Is he as unreasonable about other things or just his parents?
I agree with duffsmom. It took me years and years to realize my husband's issues with his parents were not my problem but his. Somehow, forcing me to fix his emotional outbursts regarding his family gave him the option of not looking at why he reacted so strongly- I carried the burden and the blame. When I disengaged, he had to take responsibility for his own emotional baggage.
It is curious that your husband responds so dramatically. Is this a pattern he uses to get what he wants or is this a way for him to deny the guilt he feels on some level? Just brainstorming. There are always deeper issues, when someone lashes out irrationally- and his response is not rational! How is he around his family? Is he an only child? Insecure? is your mother in law demanding?
From another perspective, you have kids! Certainly they are involved in activities the grandparents would love to attend, i.e., plays, sports, choirs, etc? Invite them to visit for that reason- wouldn't your husband think this a great idea? It would be wonderful for your kids as well.
A relationship only works if both of you develop your life together. You need to establish boundaries. I know this is very hard and I was not proficient until crises demanded I lay down the law and protect my family interests over that of his mother, especially.
by someday99 7 years ago
No, Talk to your hubby. Never go down there. if she knows that your hubby is married, she ain't no worth of your time. The prob is bet. you and your hubby!
by Susan Reid 7 years ago
Here's my example. My husband left this morning on a five-day fishing trip with his buddies. I honestly am happy for him going. But I was annoyed that he spent the last week packing, buying a new fishing rod, really getting into the whole thing (basically extending the time "away" well...
by Mahaveer Sanglikar 6 years ago
In India and Pakistan, husbands have close and lovely relations with their sister-in-laws (sister of wife). A younger sister in law is known as a half wife. This relation is accepted by the society.What about sister-in-laws in western countries?
by Anjili 2 years ago
How reasonable is it to put your child on birth control pills at 14 years of age?Kim Kardashian’s matriarch put her on birth control pills at the age of 14 years.
by annaliza 7 years ago
i and my husband are in very good relationship. we dont get any conflicts unless it is about his mom and which happens once in a while. we stayed with his parents for a while and now living separately. i had to go through a real rough time with my mil then. thats why we decided to...
by Melissa Barrett 6 years ago
Okay, to Earnest...If you looked at the whole "religion" thing as trying to find a role model, would it seem unreasonable to you?(speaking in a broad view, with no specific religion addressed)
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