Should a Woman Confront Her Husband Mistress?

1. 61

   pisean282311posted 14 years ago

   well first confront the husband..

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      tritrainposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No.
      
      If in fact he is cheating, dump him and move on.

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      Jennifer Angelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, confront the husband, any answer you get, kick him out then get your attorney and take it ALL!

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      vox vocisposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      The husband is the shit, and the mistress is only the green fly that smelled it and came to have a taste. So, clean the shit and the fly will be gone :-)

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         6 String Veteranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Whoa...that was smell put / I meant well put.

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      speedbirdposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes..confront the husband..infact he is the problem

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2. 76

   Jeff Berndtposted 14 years ago

   If you subpoena her for the divorce trial, maybe.
   
   But if you want to save your marriage, there's no point in even meeting the 'other woman.' Like the others have said, talk to your husband.

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3. 59

   Joe Badtoeposted 14 years ago

   What if your husband is a secret transvestite and the mistress is in fact himself?
   
   Glad to help

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      tritrainposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      And if he is a transvestite, could he marry himself?

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4. 60

   SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years ago

   ...no....just act like everything's okay...don't even confront him.....maybe it'll go away...or just send him away to work and keep that joint bank account going...but make sure you open your own and transfer his money out every chance you get.....just build, build and build....and then when you're ready....get rid of him!...he'll never see it coming!
   
   

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5. 63

   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   No just go out and get a mister and even the playing field out a bit....lol

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      SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ...mornin' Dawn ...i say go for both...the bank account and some luvin' on the side while you plan and prepare for the big boot...
      
      

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6. 53

   StarlaCarrposted 14 years ago

   Confront the husband,, he's the one you're in the relationship with.

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7. 64

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who was going to say, "No.  Dump the guy and move on."

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why waste time confronting the mistress she will probably just move on to someone else's husband.  Confront the husband.

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      couturepopcafeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Begin a strategic campaign.  If you love the fool:  secretly follow him and casually sit down with the two of them as though she were a business associate and of no romantic consequence.  You'll have them both so befuddled and he'll look at you in a new light.  The point here is twofold: To let her see you and to let him see you differently.  You must never accuse.  Let him reveal himself or not.  The trick is to act as though you do not suspect him of anything.
      
      If he comes back to you, great.  If he doesn't, he doesn't love you.
      You will have retained your dignity.
      In the meantime, get a safe deposit box and put cash in it.  His cash.

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         adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @couturepop How is the wife retaining her dignity by planning a strategic campaign to confront both of them.   I think treating it as a business would be very, very difficult for any wife to do.  Let me speak for myself, I for one could not remain calm long enough to pull it off. Especially when a person's feeling in involved it is almost asking someone to step outside of theirself, and be someone else, that way the wife could remain emotionless.  Just my 2 cents.

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            couturepopcafeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            It can be done.  What is the better alternative?  Be angry, hurt and cry in private.  Just until you get it done. 
            
            It's just a theory, anyway.  Personally, I would agree with you.  Maybe I watch too much American television.

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         Jasmine JellyBabyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         that's a brilliant strategy.. Suck every penny of him then tell him "are you gonna keep the bitch?"

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8. 0

   klarawieckposted 14 years ago

   JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
   
   
   

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9. 72

   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Should a woman confront her husband mistress?
   
   No, nor should she confront the husband either. Confrontation is for only the benefit of a selfish person. Yes, it's understood the pride has been hurt, however, it should be apparent that there is no guilty on behalf of the husband, so confronting him isn't going to do any good.
   
   Confronting the mistress is a waste of time. Your words are not likely to change her actions, future or past.
   
   Leave the husband, move on with your life.
   
   However, all of the above actually doesn't answer the "why?" it happened in the first place- which I am pretty sure it can be blamed on both people of the relationship. Without further details, I'll leave that thought.

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      dawnMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yes of course Cagsil that is a truer answer is the why to begin with, and of course I always write about that in my articles, but on the other hand as I said above.  I always say to my husband if you want a side dish than I get one too......lol
      I like the kicking picture somwayottahere...lol

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      Jennifer Angelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @Cagsil -
      
      Selfish people only have mistresses, so being married means you can have all the other girls and your wife too? I don't think so. Why did it happen? That's a good place to put the blame (on both), maybe you could carry on this discussion a little further and help me understand why its okay for any husband to take a mistress?
      
      Guy meets girl . they get married. start a family > while wife is PG, guy is horny so he goes out to bang someone other than his wife. (Rule one broken there), guy keeps getting good banging, wife has baby, wife is fat from baby so guy continues with mistress? Is this the picture you are tying to tell the world is "both their faults"?
      
      Please clarify.

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         h.a.borcichposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I too am interested in this "equal blame" breakdown.

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I guess your comment asks a bunch of questions derived from something you supposedly read within my post.
         
         I find you demeaner quite out of place.
         
         I said "confrontation" only benefits a selfish person. Get with the program. Aggression only benefits the aggressor. It is selfishly motivated.
         
         Think you understand now.
         
         I am not condoning what the person did and in no way did my post say that I did.
         
         Just a thought.

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10. 75

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Revenge is a dish best served cold.
    As in cold, hard cash.
    
    I agree with those who advise not wasting your breath confronting the mistress. It will only confirm for her that you are a psychotic shrew and assuage her guilt for being involved with your man. No good can come of that.
    Don't confront the husband, either.
    Take action to end the relationship swiftly and cleanly.
    No histrionics.
    If it's meant to be, your husband will see the error of his ways and approach you again. But you will have the upper hand and the bargaining power (much better than crying and begging him to stay).
    Final thought. If you and hubby have been engaging in marital relations, be sure to get tested for STDs, as you never know what his little chippy might have infected him with.
    True story. A friend of mine learned her husband was cheating on her when she developed genital warts.

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11. 74

    KCC Big Countryposted 14 years ago

    This isn't a cheating husband story, but a cheating boyfriend story.  Between marriages I was dating someone who I began to suspect was seeing someone else because of things he said like "when I'm with you I'm 100% with you and when I'm not, I'm not".  I discovered him online and created a new screen name and started talking to him.  He was quite open and began to tell me that he and his girlfriend liked to meet other girls.  *wink*  I pretended to be interested since this was news to me.  I thought he was just saying this to her (me) to make her more comfortable meeting him.  Then suddenly, he puts his girlfriend on to chat with me.  That's when it hit me that he had another girlfriend there with him talking to me.  And here I was (as a new gal) being seduced by them.  LOL  It was too irresistible for me.  I had to meet them.  So, I arranged to meet them in an hour.  Meeting them was priceless.  The look on both of their faces when they saw me pull up next to his car.  It took him awhile to realize I was the gal they were there to meet.  He first thought I just happened to drive by and see his car.  LMAO   She went on in to the bar and left he and I alone outside to talk.  I spent 15 minutes telling him off in a calm, cool and collected manner and then went inside and decided to tell her a few things as well.  I let her know exactly what he had done and warned her that if he'd do it to me, he'd do it to her too.  Needless to say, we never went out again.  He has since moved out of state and I have remarried.

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       SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       ...you handled it welll...calm and cool with your POWER....what an a**hole he was!!!!!  good for you!

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       6 String Veteranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       @ KCC - Now THAT's a happy ending.
       
       I think it depends on Ms. Offended. If she wants her husband / thinks he's worth it, she should confront the woman. And then give him a warning: if he does it again he's outta there. Some men can be dominated by strong-willed women. Then again some men just don't give a s--t. Those types are the ones that should be walked out on.
       
       Now, if Ms. Offended doesn't want to be bothered with Ms. Offender, that's her right. And as a matter of fact, she has every reason to leave the Mr.
       
       So it's Loser's Perogative, in my book. Just no chainsaws or nasty stuff...

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12. 67

    Rastamermaidposted 14 years ago

    I don't think it's cool to harrass the other woman,you need to check your mate.
    
    I started receing calls from a wife,I told her she had the wrong number,she continued but when she didn't get the reaction or info she wanted the calls ceased.
    
    Funny thing is we're just good friends,yeah he begs for sex on a regular,that's just a guys nature,but it won't happen. Truth is he's a better friend and he's married and I don't have sexual relations with married men.
    
    Karma

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    WryLiltposted 14 years ago

    Time for a threesome...
    
    OR, the wife can try and grab the mistress for herself.

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       Disturbiaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Good option, I love it!

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14. 60

    Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

    I say first confront the husband and find out what gives.  Cheating isn't just always about sex.   
    
    After you've read him the riot act, determine if you still want to keep the relationship, notice I didn't say "save" the relationship.  Plan accordingly, i.e. get counseling, etc. 
    
    The mistress is the tricky part because her motives are unknown.  She may just be someone out for a little thrill with a married man or she may be in love with him, in which case she's probably going to be just as hurt as you are. If he's been stringing her along with promises of a future, she's just as much of a victim as you are.
    
    If you do want to waste your time confronting the mistress, if only for the satisfaction it gives you to do it, you just might also want to drop a few pearls of wisdom at her feet, like guys that cheat with you usually end up cheating on you.  Stuff like that.  Then get on with your life.

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15. 74

    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    I agree with any of the money plans ,as Ive tried all the other ways and I know now which one would have served ME better, in the long run.
    
    People who say money isnt everything clearly have never been without it, and its a helluva lot more comfortable to cry on satin sheets than budget ones is all I got to say about that

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       Disturbiaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I agree having money is better than not having it, but in my case I'm the one who already has the money, so it's not like I'm going to get any satisfaction going in that direction.  I suppose I could always pay off the mistress. 
       
       I've been down this road and caught my husband making plans to hook up with some woman he knew before he met me.  I was furious and vented by writing lots of dramatic poems and hubs about it all.  I sent her a poem about how she was never going to have him, but when I think about it now, why would I want to hold on to a man who thought so little of me that he would be looking to cheat on me only six weeks after we were married.  If she wanted him, she could have he.  It wouldn't be long before he cheated on her, after all, he was cheating on his wife when he met me.
       
       Well, we chose to continue in the marriage and would get counselling, but even after he promised that his cheating ways would stop, one of my friends found him on a website for married people who cheat, discreetly of course.  We are currently separated.

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16. 74

    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    Move on hun .he clearly has
    
    To your best life!

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17. 39

    lamonda30posted 14 years ago

    no u should not because it will only make her day unless she doesn't know he is married. if she does it will only make u look pathetic. if u have proof do however confront him because he is the perpetuator of the situation. if u do nothing he will either think u to b stupid or think he's getting away with something.

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    soneblomposted 14 years ago

    No! Its not worth the trouble. Chin Up and Move on.

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    christiansisterposted 14 years ago

    That would depend on who she is blaming for the affair.
    
    If she does not know her and does not have to deal with the woman in her life, then she should not.
    
    But, if it is someone that is a part of your world, ie someone kin to you or a friend of a friend, then yes she should confront her and forgive her.
    
    If your husband breaks the intimacy between you she could have been anybody, it wouldn't matter. He is the one responsible....even with all the excuses.
    
    I have been cheated on in my lifetime. It hurts really bad. But, that anger that you feel should not lead you to hurt someone else.
    
    You have really two choices here: You can face up to the fact that this is ultimately his sin in your relationship. And now you have to decide to leave him or stay.
    
    Or you can blame it all on her, and leave him or stay.
    
    If you stay chances are he will do it again, and again.
    
    Your only question is how deeply are you going to let it hurt you.

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    IMSansRegretsposted 14 years ago

    It completely depends on if I think she knew about ME. If she knew I existed, and went ahead and slept with my man anyway? I will absolutely confront her given the opportunity. If she didn't know about me, she was doing nothing wrong. She has been played just as I have. If she DID know about me, I am going to make sure she knows I know what kind of a person I think she is and what kind of a person she has crossed in disrespecting me. I refuse to be the only one hurt in a hurtful situation I didn't create. Logically, I understand this isn't the high road, but there is something to be said for standing up for yourself as well.

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