At what point does marital privacy cross the line?
My wife goes through my personal journals when I am not home. An old coping mechanism is ruined by my effort to not write anything that would upset her. So I basically have lost any privacy I may have been able to hold onto. She also goes through my cellphone on a regular basis. Where do you draw the line on marital privacy?
Anytime it hurts somebody. Your case is a very good example of what I mean. Her low self esteem and trust issues are causing her to act irrational in my opinion, and do irrational things. I never look at my husband's phone. That's his phone, and well quite frankly, I think we all need something to have for ourself. And..., if he is sexting with some hot girl, well good for him. We also need our fantasy lives too. It is ashamed that she doesn't see that her behavior, is effecting the way you feel about her.
Trust is the #1 ingredient in any relationship. But at the same time if you have nothing to hide and it makes her feel better, I say why not?
As far as having to censor your writing in order to not offend her, I would have to ask what you're writing that would cause her to be so offended?
I think that some things should be private, even in a marriage, and even when there is nothing to 'hide'. I think it is unfair that she is going through your journals, but at the same time I think it's important to tell her how you feel about it, quietly, in a way she can understand, like explaining to her that this is your coping mechanism and you don't want to have to censor yourself. If she feels like she can't resist snooping, I would recommend you lock the journals away if possible.
This is just my response from how I would feel if I or my husband were in this situation, but every relationship is different - maybe other people will have other answers for you. This just happens to be my particular viewpoint.
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