Does your spouse have the right to look through your email or is that private?

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  1. Kotti KaDotti profile image61
    Kotti KaDottiposted 14 years ago

    Does your spouse have the right to look through your email or is that private?

  2. HappyHer profile image54
    HappyHerposted 14 years ago

    My spouse is welcome to look through anything of mine that he likes.  He's my best friend and the only "private" things I have are when I want to surprise him, which is quite often, not just holidays.  But, intimacy for me, means Into-Me-See.  If I'm not open for him to see deeply and openly into me, then what level of intimacy can we ever really hope to attain?  While I'm all for a bit of mystery to keep things sexy, the mystery comes in what surprise I may be planning next  smile

    1. Erin Trefz profile image70
      Erin Trefzposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      My husband and I share one email.  When we were first married I didn't check mine enough and I let it close.  We don't have anything to hide.  If there is open communication, there is trust.  If there is trust, the marriage is better.

  3. hollyschulz profile image60
    hollyschulzposted 14 years ago

    If you're serious enough for marriage, then you should be mature and trustworthy enough to eliminate all 'privacy' from the relationship.  This is a matter that may be touchy for some, but couples should openly discuss any issues they have with sharing account passwords and the like.  Honestly I can't think of anything that should be kept private in a marriage, unless it's a birthday or anniversary surprise!  While everyone is entitled to keeping some aspects of life private and personal, resistance to openly sharing private matters just indicates there is something to hide, which only creates more problems (been through that, it's not fun!)  Likewise, wanting access to something like your spouse's email does not necessarily mean you distrust him/her - sometimes people just need to make sure that everything is going as smoothly as they perceive, and the fact that you relinquished your privacy is reassurance enough.  This is definitely the case for those whose trust had shattered in the past.

  4. stricktlydating profile image84
    stricktlydatingposted 14 years ago

    Yes, your spouse should be able to look at your emails without feeling worried, and your emails shouldn't have anything which would be of a concern to them. If you were strictly dating though, it would be rude and an invasion of privacy (it's too early in the relationship).

  5. Lisa HW profile image63
    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    I don't believe a spouse "has the right" to look through your e.mail.  If one spouse wants to "grant permission" that's different.

    Just because people are married it doesn't mean they should not have something like an e.mail account that is "just theirs".  If someone chooses to grant a spouse access to their e.mail account, that's his own business.  I don't believe any spouse should take it upon him/herself to access the other's mail without permission.

    1. profile image50
      wngyj2014posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I know about the matter of Tibet




  6. donotfear profile image83
    donotfearposted 14 years ago

    I don't believe a spouse should look through your emails, unless you have a joint email account. It's your private business and if it's set up that way, it needs to stay private.  I'm a firm believer in keeping separate checking accounts, credit cards, etc. Though it's a good idea to make your spouse an authorized user on select accounts  (in case of emergency.) But only one name be on the account. So NO, I don't think a spouse has a right to snoop, but if the other spouse doesn't care one way or another, give em the dang password and go on.

  7. spiritedstar25 profile image61
    spiritedstar25posted 14 years ago

    I think a spouse does but ONLY as a last resort.  For example, if you believe your spouse is cheating on you and you have legit reasons to believe so (not he was late for five minutes so OBVIOUSLY hes doing his secretary lol) and you've discussed it with him only to be dismissed; then go for it.  Under normal circumstances though, absolutely not!

  8. csd1509 profile image60
    csd1509posted 14 years ago

    sure he's my best friend, my husband, my boyfriend my everything..
    my husband is not the type to look into everything i do he never even opened my email but he's welcome too and i show him often emails and stuff. but you have the type of person that likes to know and see everything if my husband would be like that then i think i'd like some privacy but because there's no pressure we're very comfortable too being totaly open!
    besides a man has too feel that he 's the boss he knows what's going on that's one of the tricks for a healthy marriage

  9. RomerianReptile profile image68
    RomerianReptileposted 14 years ago

    No, people need to have space that is for themselves alone, even in relationships. There is something wrong with the relationships if people can not sometimes have private times. I have learned this the hard way, early on I did not see the clear boundaries which existed. This varies from relationship to relationship. There are no hard and fast rules for this type of thing. some people are much more open than others, and others are more closed. If you feel you don't want your spouse to go through your email or private things, then you have the right to say "NO! you can't invade my privacy like this".

  10. bayareagreatthing profile image59
    bayareagreatthingposted 14 years ago

    For me- I don't think of this as a "rights" issue. 

    I think of it more as a respect issue.  If you start reading your spouses email, you may have to ask yourself the question, "why"?  Is there a problem going on?  Is there a trust issue?  From both sides I would question why one would want to read emails, and why the other would want to hide them. 

    But regardless, it is good if we respect our spouses and allow them privacy. Just because we are married, i don't think we have to give up a sense of privacy. Being honest and open about it would probably diffuse the issue.

    Just make sure that a little privacy is all that is desired...and not something else.  So far this has worked for my husband and I (20 years and counting). I have no desire to read his emails- I don't even have enough time to read my own smile

  11. Dark knight rides profile image62
    Dark knight ridesposted 14 years ago

    I think you're spouse has the right to look. The question is why they'd want to. I think for most people it comes down to feeling excluded from something, some aspect of your life. Or for some reason they feel you are going out of your way to hide something from them.

    The best thing to do is sit down and talk about it. Ask what she's feeling, why she looks at your email. Let her know how you feel about it. And are you being reasonable? Is your email full of things you don't want her to see, and if so why?

    But you both need to be on the same page. It's appropriate to set boundaries in a relationship and if one of yours is email, than so be it. But sit down and discuss it and explain why. It may help set her mind at ease.

  12. terced ojos profile image61
    terced ojosposted 13 years ago

    Yes. My wife has all my e-mail account passwords at work and at home.

    She can open my mail. I never considered not allowing her access to any of these things.

    I don't get not trusting her with everything.

  13. profile image53
    jayccposted 13 years ago

    Only as much as right as your spouse has to:

    - Listen in on your personal telphone conversations.

    - Know what your friends of family "think" they are only talking to you about.  (ie. a health issue, personal issue, financial issue, etc.)

    - Answer or "Reply" to your emails under your name.

    Emails are addressed to one person.  Voluntarily sharing their content information with another person is different than someone obtaining it on their own.  The first is done out of consideration and the second is done based on mistrust.

  14. profile image52
    adultbehaviorposted 13 years ago

    No.  Sharing and trusting is good, but reading what other people (like family and friends) wrote believing was going to be read only by the receiver is also an invasion of privacy for the email writer.  What if someone is writing about a very personal issue they were not expecting the receiver's spouse to see?  Email should be able to be a private conversation between two people and should not be "eavesdropped" upon.

  15. onegoodwoman profile image67
    onegoodwomanposted 13 years ago

    I am a big fan of privacy..........

    the "idea" of marriage is that ...two are merged into one......

    yes, he has a "right" to know, the ideas that I present.

    He also has an obligation to " trust" me to do him no harm.

    he can look, but he can not silence my voice,

  16. profile image49
    bouncer22posted 12 years ago

    I think if your marriage was strong and open it wouldn't matter one way or another. At least that is how I deal with my things such as email, checking accounts, etc. I am an open book and have nothing to hide from my spouse. If I did need to hide things, then I would think she would have a need to be worried about something.

    Now that's how I felt 4 months ago and still today. But 3 months ago my wife left her email open on my computer. I came to use it and began to review what was up. After reading the first few lines I couldn't believe my eyes. I almost didn't know what I was reading until I saw it was my wife's email account.

    What I began to read was the equivalent of an emotional affair going on between my spouse and an old friend. I confronted my wife and first she denied it all then got mad at me for hacking her email as she said.

    I firmly believe and still do today that if anyone leaves their email or chat or whatever open for the world to see then that is your mistake. And so today I firmly believe my wife is hiding things from me in her emails and chats and continuing to have this relationship going on. Not sure what to do at this point but I have mixed feelings from feeling bad that I looked at it to rage, depression, and trust issues because of what I read.

    So back to the question. I still believe that if two people believe in each other, trust in each other, and are open in their relationships then they should not feel they need to keep emails from their spouse.

    1. crazymom3 profile image70
      crazymom3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      that is the key trust and believe in eachother

  17. bones310 profile image61
    bones310posted 11 years ago

    Should your spouse have access to your e-mails, Lets take this topic and add few more things. such as computer, online social media sites and text and ETC?

    The "idea" of marriage is that ...two are merged into one… It’s a good idea to make your spouse an e-mail authorized user including banking accounts, credit cards, etc.  If you're serious enough for marriage, then you should be mature and trustworthy enough to eliminate all 'privacy' from the relationship. For those that are married and want their privacy… pray nothing happens to your spouse such as car accident or some emergency and you need access to the bank account to cover finances maybe then you’ll think twist wishing you did have full access.  Being private is being single… I can't think of anything that should be kept private in a marriage, unless it's a birthday or anniversary surprise! Resistance to openly sharing private matters just indicates there is something to hide, which only creates more martial problems.

    Rob Carbone

  18. suzettenaples profile image89
    suzettenaplesposted 10 years ago

    No,  mail is private whether it is snail mail or email.  However, it is up to the couple and how they want to handle their mail situation.  If they want to exchange passwords and read one another's mail that is their decision.  But, with no such marital agreement, mail is private.

  19. AUPADHYAY profile image59
    AUPADHYAYposted 10 years ago

    In my opinion, each and every aspects of life should be open for spouse because the faith should be established between both the persons. If I fear that my spouse should not look through my email, it is certain that I am doing something wrong. To expect faith on the part of the spouse, one should believe and be believed also.

  20. DDE profile image41
    DDEposted 10 years ago

    It depends on what you have to hide there shouldn't be a problem with your spouse going through your email and emails shouldn't be kept away from your spouse unless you have a secret

  21. epbooks profile image79
    epbooksposted 10 years ago

    I believe your own personal email is private.  It doesn't mean that you're hiding anything, but we are all individuals, therefore, we are "entitled" to have some things that are solely ours.  I would never go through anyone's email, even if they gave me permission.

  22. Etherealenigma profile image69
    Etherealenigmaposted 10 years ago

    IMO the issue is a matter of trust. If you truly have a trusting relationship; you should have no qualms about your spouse having access to your email. Is it a right? I don't think its something someone can demand from you, but if you want to ensure trust in your relationship, you should be open to allowing that access.

    My thought, if you weren't willing to allow your spouse access to your email; would be, what are you hiding, or who? That would be enough of an issue to put a rift in your marriage. If I were your spouse, and you weren't willing to give me access, it would give me reason for concern.

    If you were willing to give me access, I'd be less likely to want to go through your email, because I'm confident enough in the trust between us, that nothing is going on, since you have given me access. It would be the same with your phone. That says you have nothing to hide. I wouldn't want to waste a lot of time on your email, when I have too much of my own to deal with. Peace.


  23. allisonlawrence profile image68
    allisonlawrenceposted 10 years ago

    I agree with HappyHer. My husband and I value vulnerability and therefore have a "open book" policy with each other. However, we rarely just look through the other's emails. Trust is another one of our values, so we don't feel the need to check up on anything in the other's emails. It is convenient to be able to access it in case I need a password sent or need to access information that is on his email. We have both of our emails set up on our iPad, which we share. That makes it convenient to find an email when needed.

  24. Ciel Clark profile image74
    Ciel Clarkposted 10 years ago

    I think emails and computer passwords should be open for spouses and for teenagers. 

    I do not check emails or history for either.  I think that when we know our people will not check (but could) this is not censorship, this makes us consider how our actions are viewed.

    I do answer emails (fb)for  a couple of previous life boyfriends who are important and interesting to me, and when I answer I always include something about my sons, husband etc.

  25. KennethConner profile image61
    KennethConnerposted 10 years ago

    I believe that is at the discretion of the spouse. I have nothing to hide in any of my Emails so I'm not afraid but also I would probably know whether or not that bothered me before marriage. And, if it did, I would want to find out why.

    I believe that by the time one and another are ready to marry they each should already be familiar with the kind of thing they each might receive in there respective Emails.

    My significant other wouldn't need to ask for permission to search through my Emails but also wouldn't feel the need to in the first place.

    You might even want to reply to my answer with "Ideally" or "In a perfect world" but if you enter into a marriage where either holds ANY reservations. You just sold yourself short. I don't think you should ever think you deserve anything but perfection in regards to the connection between you and your partner.

    Couples should explore EVERY aspect of the world together and if they disagree about something they should thoroughly understand why.

    I once heard "People accept the love they think they deserve."

    Think about how much the two of you really do together, or laugh together and then ask how or why this matters to you. Nobody knows how much love they think they accept but your leniency with inadequacy is the best guide.

    Just like Pokemon, people have hidden values at the core of their being and I think this is one of them. I've found that this value directly corresponds to it's inverse.

    How much love do you give?

    Also think about how much your partner knows about you and if their image of you might not match the REAL you. Ensuring that they know the REAL you is one way of loving and caring for your spouse.

    Oh man, I could go on for days. Is it too late to say I digress?

    1. KennethConner profile image61
      KennethConnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      So, I should say, making sure that 'everyone' sees the REAL you is one way of caring and loving for 'everyone'.

      Also I shouldn't say that is the 'inverse' because that just doesn't add up, lol.

      When one goes up, so does the other,

  26. MarleneB profile image92
    MarleneBposted 10 years ago

    Private! My email is private. My husband's email is private. Just like post office mail - anything addressed to either one of us is private. We both respect that. We trust each other enough to know that we are not hiding anything from each other, that we share things on an "as needed" basis. There is nothing in the emails that I receive that he isn't welcome to read and I believe the same is true with him. But neither of us feel the need to read each other's email. I have honestly never had the desire to do that and I feel the same is true with my husband. Some things are simply sacred. We trust each other and we respect each other's privacy.

  27. edhan profile image38
    edhanposted 10 years ago

    There is no right or wrong when it comes to spouse. It is a matter of trust and understanding. It is be all about sharing between both so there should be no hidden secrets. Of course one should be respected for privacy.

  28. profile image0
    AK Chenowethposted 10 years ago

    Only if you grant permission, like everyone else - privacy is precious. Good question!

  29. profile image0
    lisasuniquevoiceposted 10 years ago

    Kotti KaDotti,
    No they do not. It isn't a "right" just because they're married to someone. If they want to know something why don't they just ask the person instead of acting like some sort of spy?

  30. SJ9190 profile image56
    SJ9190posted 10 years ago

    I have given my b.f all rights. He can check my email, phones etc whenever he wants.Because I love him more than anything

  31. Kevin Khamati profile image53
    Kevin Khamatiposted 10 years ago

    Absolutely NO! Privacy is important especially between spouses. The trust between spouses denotes some level of privacy, if a spouse goes through the mails of the other spouse then there is no trust at all and is a sign of insecurity. If allowed to view the mails she may find information that may jeopardize the relationship.

  32. zoey24 profile image76
    zoey24posted 10 years ago

    I do not think they have the 'right' as everyone is entitled to privacy.

    If you allow them to look at your email then that is fine, but if they are snooping, then they obviously have trust issues. A relationship does not work without trust.

    That being said, it would probably look quite suspicious if the other person was being very secretive about their emails and not wanting their partner to see them.

  33. crazymom3 profile image70
    crazymom3posted 10 years ago

    I completely agree with happyher, however I have had the experience where my spouse didn't just look through. There must be respect and boundaries if it is to work. By this I mean he deleted certain contacts, changed my password and etc. were my trust in him was damaged and led to him being    banned not because I had anything to hide but because he had obcessive and self control issues.

  34. padmendra profile image50
    padmendraposted 10 years ago

    The question of 'right'  does not relate to the marriage till it is running smootrhly . But the bond of relationship in the marriage demands  transparency between the couple to make the relation long lasting. If you are hiding something from your spouse, it definitely creates a confusion that makes him or her  quite eager to look at  your  emails or  the mobile.

  35. solarcaptain profile image61
    solarcaptainposted 9 years ago

    When you live with a woman you have no right to expect privacy at all.  IN fact, most people have no privacy and no reasonable expectation of any from anyone in the future.  What is private?
    Most women  have already set some preconceived notions about how men, all men--cheat.  Men who get caught want it  so they can recreate their mommie who will of course, forgive and blame the little slut.  I know in theory your stuff is private but women can't help themselves, what you have in your coat pocket or computer is far more interesting to them than
    wandering the grocery store looking for kale. 
    Scream about your rights all you want. She will win all you have in court
    and her lawyer will laugh at you all the way to the bank. You have played into her hands and it will be ten years of hard work before your accounts begin to bear fruit again and you get the urge to settle down again with that perfect woman in accounting you flirted with last week.  For men, one night is worth the high price of that woman and even a lifetime of nights.

  36. Kolin Harrison profile image61
    Kolin Harrisonposted 9 years ago

    I think that communication is super important in a marriage. A man that had a great marriage, in my opinion, once told me that he and his wife know each others passwords to everything and they each can take a look at anytime. It builds trust in one another and strengthens communication, in my opinion.

  37. cebutouristspot profile image72
    cebutouristspotposted 9 years ago

    Is not a question of right but a question of respect and trust.

    While I dont mind my better half to look into my email since I have nothing to hide.  I will appreciate that she ask me first before opening it.

  38. Hendrika profile image68
    Hendrikaposted 9 years ago

    No, not at all. Your email is private and not for everyone's eyes not even your husbands.

  39. Shil1978 profile image89
    Shil1978posted 9 years ago

    I guess you can replace "friend" instead of "spouse" and ask the same question and then see what you would answer to that. I mean with my friends - real friends that is - I would be comfortable sharing anything that's on my e-mail. Of course, this doesn't all to all friends, but the ones you really trust and confide in. I have nothing to hide really. So, if you don't have anything to hide, I don't think it would really matter to you whether your spouse went through your e-mail or not.

    However, I would agree with the fact that it's something you may consider a right. However, this is a tricky thing and would bring up trust issues, if there is an implicit understanding on your part to keep your e-mails personal, but your spouse doesn't have the same point of view and doesn't mind you viewing theirs. In such a situation, questions may arise in your spouse's mind about why you may want to keep your e-mails private?

    Ultimately, it comes down to how close you are and how comfortable you are with each other. I don't think most couples would mind sharing their emails, but if there is some stress in a relationship or if one partner wants to hide something, then of course there may be a reluctance to share and keeping things private!

  40. JonDIDit profile image60
    JonDIDitposted 9 years ago

    If you change the password or get one they don't know about you can solved the whole thing. If they do it it is because they have trust issues, usually caused by someone else that they are trying to pass on to you. Ask them if you can read their emails and the answer will usually be no or they have a secret one you don't know about. Just because you are with them gives them no rights to your privacy. If it becomes a deal breaker then I think they look on you as their property which is not healthy

  41. Edward J. Palumbo profile image86
    Edward J. Palumboposted 9 years ago

    My wife and I have been married for 31 years and I respect her privacy enough not to read her e-mail or envelopes that arrive in the mailbox unless she chooses to share an issue of interest. She has been mature enough to afford me the same respect. We do have each other's passwords in case information or a message has to be retrieved. We've managed to get through 31 years without disappointment, embarrassment or breach of trust.

  42. brutishspoon profile image68
    brutishspoonposted 9 years ago

    The simple answer is NO.

    If they do not trust you then you should not be with them.

    However if you allow them to look at them then again you will have their trust.

    They should never be able to look at them when your not there but you should not hide things from them either.

    1. JonDIDit profile image60
      JonDIDitposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      For those that look at marriage as bondage then you will share EVERYTHING even your toothbrush. Looking at marriage as a contract is about control and  why the divorce rate is so high.  We all mature and change as years roll by...what we thought we'd

  43. CandyCandice profile image57
    CandyCandiceposted 9 years ago

    He does have the right to look through my emails because I don't think we should have anything that we are hiding from each other. The goes for him also, but not because he have the right to my emails that doesn't mean he is going to be searching for anything in particular.

  44. profile image50
    Funchessposted 9 years ago

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  45. braincandy profile image70
    braincandyposted 9 years ago

    I think that it would be a common courtesy to not look at your spouse's email. But I would also not be writing or receiving any e-mail that would be hurtful to my partner because I know about human nature and sometimes people just get curious and want to take a quick peek. Some of the motivation for looking at a spouse's mail would probably be linked to their spouse's past behaviors that may have led to a lack of trust. If you are married to someone who has the habit of lying to you it may be necessary to get the real story by checking email messages. In this instance it is self protection.

  46. profile image51
    RichieSwisher360posted 9 years ago

    I guess. But sometimes she has a tendency to go a little overboard! Way overboard like lifepreserver out there!!! I love her and probably drive her crazy!    LOL

  47. profile image50
    wngyj2014posted 9 years ago

    I know about the matter of Tibet



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  48. profile image55
    Mithlesh348posted 9 years ago

    Well, It depends from person to person. If you grant her permission then its ok,, otherwise, I do not think she has got the right just because she has married to you.

  49. Alyssa Nichol profile image92
    Alyssa Nicholposted 9 years ago

    I definitely have no issue with my husband taking a look at my email or even looking at my phone. I have nothing to hide and I have never given him a reason not to trust me.  I think if you have nothing to hide there shouldn't be an issue.  However, once trust is gone, it is EXTREMELY hard to get back.

    1. JonDIDit profile image60
      JonDIDitposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Would you let him read your diary? Use your tooth brush? There are some that will answer yes to both  because they THINK they are supposed to share EVERYTHING. Wait till you see how that will work for you, later....

  50. Crissylite profile image77
    Crissyliteposted 9 years ago

    Yes and no. We have each other's passwords. There's been times when I asked him to check mine for me, and I've done the same for him. Yet still, we respect eachother's personal space. So though we have access and could go through eachother's stuff on our own at any time...we just don't. It's a balance of trust and respect.


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