Is it better to live unhappily married or get divorced when children are involved?
my parents got a divorce when I was 8. I have no idea how it really impacted me now as an adult except for the fact I guess it made me stronger but would I have came out better if they stayed together? who knows... My question to you all is what do you think is more acceptable and less greedy?
I think it's best to go your separate ways. It's much better for a child to have two low-stress, loving homes than to have one that's full of contention. My parents divorced many years after they should have, and my sister and I still have some really horrible childhood memories from that time. After the divorce, we felt like we were finally able to relax and just be kids. As for my son -- he's even told me how much he loves the different houses now, and how much he loves his stepdad. At five years old (his bio-dad and I divorced when he was two), my son lets me know how happy he is that I'm so happy now. We have a lot more fun, and I'm able to be there for him a lot more than when I was miserable and in a toxic relationship. I am able to live a more fulfilled life and, in turn, can now give my best to my son.
As for what is the most greedy -- I guess that depends on the individual situation. Most of the time, it's far easier to stay in a bad situation than it is to take the steps to live a healthy life. Knowing how detrimental my last relationship was to my son was the extra boost I needed to stop just trying to put up with everything...I can choose to sit and suffer, but I finally realized that I couldn't make that choice for him too.
Children are better than we are in sensing emotions - they will always know that there is something wrong with their parents. And if you keep pretending all is fine, it will be even worse - they will think it's normal and this is how they will think about relationships. So they will try to build similar unhappy one in the future.
You can tell that I'm pro divorce if people are unhappy together, but in civilisied way, to show their children that people can still respect each other even tho they don't love each other anymore. Also divorce give both a chance for creating a new fulfilling relationships. It not only make adults happy but also shows the youngsters what they should aim for and that second best is not good enough.
The only catch here is if people really know what caused that their become unhappy while they used to be happy once. What was the reason - expecting too much? Seeing and ideal and not a real person? Believing that one can change and shape another? We have to understand our own problem here first and accept that we are both responsible for what have happened, then we can stand a chance to have a proper relationship in the future. Otherwise the scenario will repeat again.
As Dr. Phil says, "Children would rather be from a broken home than live in a broken home."
No child wants to live in a household where there is constant fighting or tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. My parents got divorced when I was 7 and the only effect I think it had on me was not "assuming" marriage leads to "happy ever after" endings. I also saw divorce wasn't "the end of the world". It's just a way for two people who wrongly got together to clear up a mistake. No one should be "stuck" with someone simply because they made an uninformed decision. Issues arise and circumstances change. We even let the majority of criminals out of jail at some point. Divorce is about having a second chance. A person can be good parent without being married. It takes more courage to walk away from a bad relationship to start a new life than it does to stay put blaming someone else for our misery. Life really comes down to the choices and decisions we make. "The world may not owe you anything but YOU owe yourself the world!"
As kids my sister and I had to listen to our parents fight every single night. Even as kids we knew that mom and dad should get divorced even if my parents thought it best to stay together for the kids. Kids are very perceptive. So I have to agree with the people answering, better to divorce than stay together for the sake of the kids. Whoever thought that staying together when both parents are miserable obviously never came from a home like that.
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