If a person has divorced 3 times, would you conclude that the person has an underlying problem?
It would seem either they are a poor judge of character, they like to jump into serious commitments too quickly, or they are a good actor capable of hiding a part of themselves thinking it won't be revealed this time.
"Remarriage is the triumph of hope over experience." So you could say the person is a perpetual optimist. Or an idiot. So, yes, a problem.
HE is the problem. There's a reason this guy has been divorced so many times and it is NOT because he is an optimist or a hopeless romantic. It's because he can't commit and is always looking for the next Mrs. Dumbass. There's a running theme: HIM!
hmmmm......per the tone of 2 comments....someone here is very VERY bitter. 2 people involved = 2 people responsible = 2 independent choices & personalities. Can't change the equations.
That person needs to rethink his dating strategy because there is a flaw in there that is attracting him to the wrong type of person. Beauty doesnt bring happyness all the time.
It would raise a question in my mind. On the other hand I have a good friend, a very decent person, who has been divorced three times. The first, which he now regrets, after a long marriage to a very nice woman. I chalk up the other two times to bad luck and/or bad judgment.
If someone repeatedly gets married to someone he/she ends up disliking enough to divorce then there is obviously some sort of fundemental problem.
Without being judgmental... there could be many reasons that caused the breaking up of the relationship. But having say that, there is someone I know that went through a couple of relationships and the men she was with are pretty similar in terms of character and the reason for breaking is also the same. She said she can't help it as she is more attracted to the same kind of man. Love usually over rules rational thinking.
"Once bitten, twice shy"... three times? uhmmm... Either it iis not painfully enough to learn the lesson or he's a natural optimist.
Without knowing the full circumstances of each divorce I couldn't say for sure. With that said, it is very likely that there is an underlying problem with someone who has gone through a divorce three separate times.
I think it's difficult to say. I come from a family with a high divorce rate, personally. My father has been divorced four times in total, my mother three. and their previous spouses have all been married at least twice.
. . . Wait, yes. I would definitely say there is an underlying problem.
I'd definitely say yes...they are either attracted to very unhealthy people or they are very unhealthy to begin with.
My father is on his third marriage, and it looks like this one is lasting despite the circumstances (They married because I was born, and their 21st wedding anniversary is this September) The two women who he was married to before, from what we've been told both by Dad and family members, were very unstable women. However my Dad is also very unstable (He has PTSD from three tours in Vietnam and possibly another underlying disorder, but refuses treatment for them.)
Now, My uncle-by-marriage (Uncle-in-law just sounds so weird...) Has been married twice, to very, very toxic women. I watched the build-up AND break-up of the second marriage, it all happened within a year (The last six months of my engagement and first six months of marriage to my wife, actually) The woman he was married to was extremely selfish, and her younger daughter (Who is about my age) was an absolute terror...You would have thought she was 9 years old instead of 19! Spoiled and selfish. And the older daughter, who was handicapped, was treated very poorly and did not understand that anything was different (Her disability check is for you to care for her, not for you to buy a $1200 fish tank and expensive fish!)
Anyway, both the ex-wife and younger daughter quit their jobs and spent all of Uncle Scott's money, took out credit cards and cell phone contracts in his name, etc. And then the ex-wife walked out after draining him dry...Less than a year after getting married. I have never a man look so broken in my entire life - he loved this woman, or rather, the person he thought the woman to be.
My wife tells me this story is very similar to what Uncle Scott's first marriage was. It seems that he is just a very trusting guy who falls quickly and hard when love is involved...but yes, it is a problem, because unfortunately in the adult world if you are this naive, things like this are bound to happen.
If a person has been divorced this many times, it is a sign that either they married too soon without knowing the person they were marrying and the marriage was not entered into with the proper attitudes of having God in their marriage. You have to be a whole person without underlying problems of past hurts and deceptions leading the way you think.....
When people are "unequally yoked" meaning their ideals are not in line with Gods Word, and they do not have this in their lives marriage will not work....God has to be first.....and both people have to have the same ideals.....When you discover that you are not growing together in the Word, you will grow apart.....Things which have happened in your past also play a large part in a happy union of two people.....If you allow the past to rule your present, you have not learned and the same mistakes are made......instead of looking at other peoples faults, you have to fix the faults within yourself...
I would say the amount of divorces does not conclude a person has a problem. I know some great men and women out there that have been married 5 or 6 times and just have not been able to either stay in a relationship, partner passes away, partner becomes a flake, partner develops an alcohol or drug problem, or they needed to have counseling themself to not make the same mistake again and address the issue that was causing the break ups or root of the propblem(s. There are many reasons for this occurring and it is not as simple as some try and make it. People that are very judgemental try and conclude but they are the one's with the problem because they do not know all the facts and are not living in that persons household or circumstance. One factor that a lot of people over look is maybe that person just has not found the love of their life yet. So, my conclusion as a psychic and my final answer is if they have not found the love of their life then keep trying because life is too short. The fact that anyone who has been married three times wants to do it again and is not scared has my respect. So, remember do not judge others as there are no guarantees in life that your partner may not divorce you. A lot of pompous judgemental people end up on the same end of the totem pole at the end of the day.
Sincerely I'm not agree with your best answer. When two people are married they have to discuss problems and to correct themselves and to be together at good and bad moments. The solution is not to split but to correct and discuss when problemsAppear
I work at a NYC Production Company. We are currently casting for a show about exactly this! We are looking for people who have been married multiple times and want to get rid of the stereotype. To hear more email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Really? A psychic know it all? You call it fear, I call it smarts. This is America, and it takes all kinds.
If I try again, you gonna help pick up the pieces?
I agree with antonio21. When divorce happens,one forgets why they married the person in the first place. To make things worse,it is making a promise. Breaking a promise six times merely shows you are not trustworthy. Counseling is recommended.
Absolutely not. Sometimes people change and grow apart; this does not mean they have a problem, this just means that they are not soul mates. It all goes back to the great saying that if at first you do not succeed try again.
Yes, they probably have a problem. It takes some serious issues to get divorced three times. It could not be a serious problem with their character as such but they could have a problem with judgement.
Whatever be the reason, it they have been divorced three times, they still haven't fixed whatever is causing these problems.
The best thing to do if you really want to consider him as a partner would be ask him frankly about why the divorces happened. You can judge for yourself if he has been very unfortunate all three times or if the problem lies with him.
It may but on the other-hand it may also suggest that the guy is romantic.. and have got talent to remarry after being left out by someone else.So hats off to him,BOSS!!!
yes, i would conclude but wont jugde. marriage is a sacred institution ordained and established by God. stampeding in and out of it would mean making nonesence of it.the fundamental problem with such a person is the lack of God's in knowledge. the holy write says that my people perish for lack of knowlegde. someone going into marriage should first understand the position og God concerning it!
It would be a question that came to mind.. But I don't like to make assumptions or judge people. I think it would depend on the specific individual details.
I don't know anyone that has been divorced 3 times but it depends why they keep getting divorced. Maybe try single life. You can have a great relationship and not have to get married. If they feel there's an issue they can't pin point maybe try a therapist by themselves to seek what the issue is. Hopefully they will figure out what the problem is.
I've only known one person I was close to who was divorced four times, and she had some serious issues. She married abusive men, some with substance abuse problems. When she finally married a good man, she pronounced him "boring" and cheated on him. He threw her out. Then she stole her mother's BF who was 25 years older than she was and took him for all his money, but he refused to marry her. She finally killed her own mother because she wanted her money and the old woman wasn't dying fast enough.
Based on that, yeah, I'd say they probably have some underlying problems. LOL
Definitely they got problems. The thing is what are they doing about it, sometimes jumping from relationship to relationship don't heal the past scars even if it may seem as moving on. Get the proper diagnosis for your first situation and then apply a good cure for it. But marry three times is a lot for one person marriage ought to last for a life time. I can understand people marriages don't always work. Or maybe their spouse died and they re-marry. See the motivate for re- marrying
Having been divorced twice, I am more inclined to say that multiple divorces may indicate the person is better at seeing a situation for what it is, and healthy enough to make change.
Some marriages start off great and just go down hill. It's not always because someone has an underlying problem. So, no, I believe if you were to discount someone due to multiple divorces, you might just be missing out on something wonderful. After all, they've learned three ways NOT to be married! They might be getting better at it each time!
Wow, I read the comments of a lot of judgmental people. There could be plenty of reasons for 3 divorces, like maybe marriage for this person is nothing more than a paper commitment and when the two don't want to be committed any longer they divorce. Marriage is such an antiquated system that is hardly relevant today. More of an emotional support for those that feel a ceremony and piece of paper lock their mate into accepting all of their faults and failures and piss poor treatment (abuse).
I agree Mark, I've been divorced 4x's & my ego can cleverly & entertainingly explain y NONE of my divorces were my fault, heck I only asked 4 the 1st one after 12 yrs of mental/emotional/physical abuse, don't want 2 marry again but want life
Wow. Two perfect examples of why this woman should RUN in the opposite direction. Chronic quitters, blaming others for you actions, problems, and inability to commit. Problem is, there's only one common denominator in the equation..YOU! Grow up!
Definitely yes, if the concerned person feels that the three ex spouses are responsible for the broken marriages.
not even! say over the course of 28 years i am on my fourth marriage. i am not a bad judge of character. the characters i married weren't worth wasting time with so i divorced them. never a regret. my current marriage has lasted 9 years so far and i expect it to last forever.
I actually wrote a hub about this.
As a shortened version i asked do you have several relationships with several people or one relationship with several people?
If you notice the same problems occurring in each relationship, you may want to look at yourself instead of putting fault on others first.
Take a look, see what you think
everyone has underlying problems . I have never been married nor divorced . but the way I see it if is not working why keep going at it just for the sake of not been number 2 3 4 5
When people ask if I am married I say occassionally but not at the moment, I also say I have so many ex hubby's that they don't have names they have numbers, my ego can cleverly and entertainingly explain why each one of my 4 divorces was not my fault, I only asked for the 1st divorce after 12 yrs of abuse, mental/emotional/physical. The 2nd left me because he didn't want to be a step dad to my children and said he knew I wouldn't choose him over my children, my 3rd left me after abusing my 10 y/o daughter, my 4th left me for his previous wife (his 2nd wife, I was his 3rd) because she fed his savior complex enormous ego because she always needed to be saved and supposrted and I am self sufficient and very independent and he couldn't control me. The underlying problem I have is picking the wrong men because I was as a child I had multiple abusers and went onto an abusive marriage the 1st time and that set a mode energetically that I was not worthy or deserving of happiness so I kept attracting men that were not good for me, you can say my marriages ended because God wasn't present but he was (for me anyways) in the 1st 3 marriages, I never missed a sunday at church, I prayed daily, so I don't think that was it, God gave us free agency so why do some human beings try to control thier spouses. I don't ever have to get married again but I am hopeful that I will find a life partner that I can be with until death do us part because I still have faith that I will find the love of my life. Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves, noone has the right to judge another, you don't know what the circumstances were, you don't know another's thoughts or what is in their heart so try following the example of unconditional love that Jesus displayed and be nice to those of us who did get married NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES with the intentions that it would be until death and let God do the judging, he is more qualified don'tchya think !!!
Not necessarily. It takes some people longer to mature and grow-up than others. Get to know the person very well to know if they have finally matured and learned from their mistakes or are the problem.
1 has a serious personal issue
2 doesn't know how to choose a partner
3 doesn't really want to commit
These are my three ideas, I knew somebody who married 3 times and wanted to marry my sister... his wife arrived unannounced from abroad!! I was happy I had scared him straight. I remember telling him: the issue is that you marry like you go to the market!
I would say that they either follow a pattern in their choice of partner or the person has personal issues that are unresolved causing the same issues to keep recurring.
No, I would not necessarily conclude that a person has an "underlying problem." Logically, there are TWO individuals to any marriage. Any issues within a relationship are never the fault(s) of just ONE of these people.
I will go out on a limb here, and accept that most of the comments are based on personal experience. It's human nature to relate to questions like this one, by going inside ourselves. Unfortunately, it is also human nature to defend and protect our own ego, when in fact, no one but you & your partner need to know the ugly truth of the matter.
I'm in the habit of being open-minded and making an effort to see a situation from every side possible, or an entirely different angle, altogether. For instance, say that perhaps a man has dated exclusively for a year or more, but broken off the relationship and gone on to become involved with 2 or 3 other women, in the next 3 or 4 years, which also did not work out for one reason or another. Do we decide this person has "an underlying problem?" I don't think so. If this were the case, every young person, searching for an acceptable partner, would be considered to have a "problem."
It seems the mistake being made by one or both, is getting married in the first place. When 2 individuals break up and walk away, it's perfectly normal and acceptable. When it involves "DIVORCE,".....suddenly, it's a major catastrophe and terrible disaster. This is just a "reaction." The catastrophe is in the huge waste of money...per weddings and Attorneys!!
It would be impossible for any of you to judge whether it's the individual that has an issue with relationships in general or whether it's just those particular relationships that they had an issue with. What's for sure is that your divorce rate is abominable and you should be ashamed. How dare you! Pathetic.
I'm not divorced, but it could just be that they are picking the wrong companion. Sometimes we tend to look for something we are comfortable with and unfortunately many times people who are seeking a new relationship tend to look for similarities from their old relationship...even if they do not mean to.
It is difficult to say without knowing the individual. My niece was married 8 times.!! Yes, 8. She married at age 20 for the first time and is now 54. Her most recent husband was the most long lasting of the relationships and he succumbed to cancer two years ago. I do not believe that husband number 9 is in her future but you never know.
She is a very beautiful woman and has been all of her life. The men she married were handsome as well. However I do not think they were able to compete, if that is the word, with her beauty. She was/ is flirtatious and charming and fun to be with so a man who is married to her may have been put off with those characteristics unless they were directed solely at him.
That is not to say that she may have not been responsible in some degree to the demise of her marriages. That would be between her and the ex. I do know that she remained friends with several of them after the divorce.
As far as others who have been married and divorced multiple times, I cannot really speak to the reason. To say they have an underlying problem is a bit further than I wish to go. Perhaps it is a matter of not being such a great judge of another person before deciding to set up housekeeping.
Yeah,there is some problem with him.If there is a person make him consult a councillor.
Yes. The person has an underlying problem. He or she hasn't preserved or protected the marriage commitments they have made, for whatever reason, justified or not. After the vows are taken, the primary concern is no longer whether or not they have judged their spouse's character correctly before marriage. It's also not primarily about their own shortcomings. After the vows, they need to be "all-in" to the act of preserving and protecting the union while forsaking "Plan B" and ignoring "Escape Clauses." Life is hard. Marriage is harder. Working on judgment and personal character are key to picking the right mate, but, unfortunately, we live in a culture that thinks more of pre-nuptual agreements and grounds for divorce, than it is able to model ways that people can maintain their commitments, despite their flaws, and ensure that they are rooted and grounded in scrificial love.
Yes...they still haven't found the right person for them!
People do have the ability to grow and change, and as a marriage takes the commitment of two individuals, without knowing the intricacies of the relationship in question I wouldn't attempt to draw a conclusion.
One can't undermine a person of his character or state of mind if he has been divorced three times. Because there are many loopholes in such cases when a person is bound to divorce on account of bigamy or second time when they both are not carrying well in the marriage. The third moment of divorce though needs to be cautiously handled, but chances are again there that third divorce may be because of underlying problems in both the partners.
Therefore concluding it as mentioned above is not possible in each and every case.
My uncle had a number of divorces, and never seemed happy with his wives for very long. After seeing him divorce and remarry so often, I am inclined to believe underlying issues cause divorces. As for my uncle, he was a drinker, and I honestly think his drinking was the underlying problem in all his marriages. Even another drinker can only take so much.
Divorced 3 times to conclude a person has an underlying problem? I don't think so as that is a case to case basis. Anything beyond 4 times maybe but not 3 .
I would be circumspect and very cautious about a relationship with a thrice-divorced person. It would appear this individual is slow to learn from mistakes, has difficulty defining marital priorities, is difficult to live with or has some intolerable traits, bases marriage on a physical dynamic (or checking account). Simply stated, this poses a reason to proceed very cautiously, but it's entirely possible the individual is "accident prone".
Yes. Obviously they are either horrible at one or more of the following:
1: Picking partners
2: Taking their time
3: Decision making in general
4: Working out problems/making things work
5: Actual commitment
I'd run. Run far.
Yes and no, in a way. I would say that there is an underlying cause, not "problem." We are taught from childhood that marriage is the normative ideal arrangement, but this purely a social construct. There are many relationship alternatives, like committed non-monogamy, that may be better suited to that person's character. If they don't know that these alternatives exist or that they are acceptable, that person may continue to attempt to live up to the socialized norm instead of pursuing their own ideal relationship model. If so, they will most likely be unsuccessful or perpetually unhappy.
I will never conclude that. I think that the person just havent found his/her better half that would compliment him/her in life
People married for many years.Then, they divorce. Later, they married again. The length of time and patience help couples stay together. Real love is for ever.These days , people are modern, and they take marriage as a trying out .
Call me judgmental or old-fashioned but marrying and getting the same result with three different spouses does indicate that they have a problem. Three divorces is a sign of bad judgement to say the least but does not absolve the other spouses of any issues they may have had, if any. One would hope that two people think more carefully and truly learn more than they wanted about the person they are committing themselves to as well as themselves PRIOR to getting married even once, let alone 3 times.
Most people think that when a person has the same pattern with the relationships. It is a habit we created in our brain. We keep getting the same kind of person.Because of getting the same person . Most of us fail. It is better to get someone differ
Yes. And that person can consult me. He should talk to God more.
Sometimes there isnt a problem at all. I mean, everyone has problems and maybe they do but that doesn't mean it wasn't right at the time they went for it. People are always changing and everyday they become more distant if they aren't on the same exact brainwave looking at the world. I know this is a friendship quote but its pretty much applys to marriage and love too...
“To make a friend you must close one eye. And to keep a friend, you must close both eyes.”
― Victor Robert Lee
In the end most people don't keep their eyes shut in marriage when things change and hardships happen, and it leads to problems and not wanting to be together.
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