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Long Distance Relationships.

  1. Brandon Mallo profile image58
    Brandon Malloposted 5 years ago

    For them? Against them? What's your opinion on a long distance love?

    1. SimeyC profile image90
      SimeyCposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      For them! I was in Wales, my wife was in USA - we talked for a year before meeting - and now we're coming up on our 15 year anniversary!

    2. litsabd profile image79
      litsabdposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I believe that everything can be done and every mountain can be climbed if there is true love. It is not the distance that brings souls together and keep them tight, it's what each one is made of...

      1. faisal alkhalefi profile image61
        faisal alkhalefiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        الوفاء

        To meet

    3. AshtonFirefly profile image83
      AshtonFireflyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think whether or not a long distance relationship is successful depends alot on the people in the relationship. some people can handle it, others can't. I was in a two year long distance relationship with someone I to this day never met, and I didn't really have too much of a problem with it, as long as there was sufficient communication. That relationship ended for that reason among many others. I am now currently in a long distance relationship but have no issues other than there has to be a lot of communication...I think that's really the key. And, it can't go on for very long. But, like I said, I think it really depends on the people. Some people don't need physical proximity in order to feel fulfilled...some do. It's all about what your particular needs are. But just for the record, I am in a long distance relationship for six months now and it's going great smile

      1. capricornrising profile image59
        capricornrisingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        This is what I think too. I had a boyfriend assert that the way to keep ANY relationship going is to talk every single day, even if it's just 10 minutes to say goodnight before bed. That always stayed with me, even though that relationship failed. My husband and I make an effort to do this - he travels a lot for work.

      2. profile image60
        Rose Woolridgeposted 7 months ago in reply to this

        That's great, well I've been in a year relationship, I live in the US and he live in Jamaica, I love him so much, we have not met face to face but we've exchanged pictures and we text or talk everyday, things gets in the way like money wise why we have not me in person,are there anything I need to do different?.. thanks

    4. Jynzly profile image71
      Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Against them. My husband is in the U.S. I am in the Philippines. I cannot bear the torment of loneliness regardless of our twice a day chat and three hours every time.

      1. capricornrising profile image59
        capricornrisingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Jynzly - what's the reason you're not moving to be with him? Are there job or other considerations?

        1. Jynzly profile image71
          Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Hi capricornrising,

          The papers are much delayed due to some legal matters. The processing and the bureaucracy are so tedious and slow.

          1. capricornrising profile image59
            capricornrisingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            You'll make it. Hang in there.

            1. Jynzly profile image71
              Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              Thank you capricornrising. What else can I do?

              1. capricornrising profile image59
                capricornrisingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                Not much else but be patient, I guess. Trust me - I can relate a little. My mother fought long and hard for permission for us to join my father here in the U.S.

                1. Jynzly profile image71
                  Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                  Actually I have a problem as to his integrity. Lots of things I notice especially when we chat. I suspect that he is also chatting with somebody else. There are indications but he vehemently denies. It's really sad. I feel cheated. Sorry, I should not sound like an idiot.

                  1. Jynzly profile image71
                    Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                    By the way, you must be a Capricorn? I am too.

          2. profile image0
            Emily Sparksposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            I am sorry to hear this.  I hope everything works out for you soon.....hang in there smile

            1. Jynzly profile image71
              Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              Thanks Emily, I do hope too; I feel like I am getting sick literally but I hang on.

    5. A Thousand Words profile image79
      A Thousand Wordsposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think it depends on the people and the circumstances. I know myself, and that it would not work, especially if it was in the beginning of the relationship. I am a very hands on, "need to be near you" type of person, it's how I create the strongest bonds. If I don't have that, it will not work.

      But many people are not like me. Some are just satisfied with talking to that person or seeing them through Skype, or something to that effect, no matter what point in the relationship, as long as they feel some kind of connection. So it could very much work for them.

      These of course are not the only factors. Just an example.

      1. Jynzly profile image71
        Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I am just like you A Thousand Words, in fact I strongly detest cyber sex, I never do that even with my husband. There is no substitute for "hands on" or real touch.

    6. edhan profile image60
      edhanposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Had that experience before. Started as running my own BBs as a Sysop and that was how I met my wife.

      Distance is not the matter affecting relationship. It is your heart feeling that matters the most.

      I always believe true love has no distance.

      1. sarcasticool profile image79
        sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I agree.

    7. Eaglekiwi profile image71
      Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      He is American
      I am a New Zealander

      Completely different hemispheres lol.

      He likes Rock n roll ,I like Country

      We both have accents wink

      It started with a kiss...never thought It would come to this,actually it didnt start with a kiss,it all started with the Internet ,oh hell you will have to read my hub wink

      We met
      We visited each others countries
      We married

      1. Jynzly profile image71
        Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        This is also my story. I am glad to hear that I am not alone in my situation.

    8. profile image0
      Phoebe Pikeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think it depends on the individuals involved... some may cope well, while others would miss their lover too much. I would like to think my relationship would survive it, but we have never truly been apart.

    9. profile image0
      kimberlyslyricsposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      it got hard to take after awhile, so we united, it certainly let's you know how strong your relationship is smile

  2. Capric222 profile image80
    Capric222posted 5 years ago

    I am totally for them.  My husband was in the marines and living in California when we started dating.  We dated for a little over a year.  We got married and he had to go back for a little bit.  We bought a house while he was gone and we have been married ever since.  A few years later, he took a job working on windmills.  At first we weren't with him.  It was hard, but we made it through.  Now we travel with him everywhere he goes. 

    Anyway, I kind of just blabbed on and on.  What I am saying is that long distance relationships are totally worth it if you are doing it with the right person.  We have been married 6 years now.

    1. cheatlierepeat profile image89
      cheatlierepeatposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I agree with them only if there is a plan to come together at some point. They are so hard. My fiance and I did it for a short 4 months and it was very challenging. We have great respect and communication, no trust issues and an over all wonderful rlationship, I can't imagine how it would have been without the great foundation. There are many things that can make it easier to connect these days...messaging, skype etc...so I guess that helps. I agree with the above comment- totally worth it if it's with the right person.

      1. cheatlierepeat profile image89
        cheatlierepeatposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I see the "e" is sticking on my computer again....sorry for the errors!

  3. Rosie2010 profile image75
    Rosie2010posted 5 years ago

    I'm happy for you all whose long distance relationships have been successful.  My experience, however, was heartbreaking.  Will I do it again?  I am adventurous and a romantic.  Of course, I'll do it again.  If you find your soulmate, distance is never going to be an issue.  To be in love and be loved in return, is heavenly.

    1. Greek One profile image77
      Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Etobicoke isnt THAT far

  4. Escobana profile image82
    Escobanaposted 5 years ago

    I'm not for but I'm in too:-) After a year, my boyfriend went back to Brasil. I will follow next year but it's very strange, being apart from one another after having spend a wonderful time together.

    We knew this from the start and I am very confident about the future. We stay in touch as much as possible and I'm looking forward to a new life in Brasil:-)

    1. Hollie Thomas profile image59
      Hollie Thomasposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      You lucky thing Escobana, I wish I was going to have a new life in Brazil. smile

      1. Escobana profile image82
        Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Thanks Hollie! He's only gone for a week now. Lots of things have to be taken care of. Finding a job, getting an appartment and so on. The good thing for me is, I only have to wait.

        Then next year aound March, I'll go on holiday for two months and see him. Summer 2012 will be the actual move. Patience in relationships like these and trust, are keywords in a process like this.

        The love itself is very strong so I don't worry at all:-)

  5. barryrutherford profile image33
    barryrutherfordposted 5 years ago

    My experience it does not work in the long run.  I had a girlfriend 300 kilometres away.  We were close for about a year.  But eventually the strain of travelling that distance was one of the major factors that led to us drifting apart...

  6. knolyourself profile image60
    knolyourselfposted 5 years ago

    In my experience long distance relationships are for people who don't want a close relationship for
    whatever reason, but can't admit it to themselves.

    1. carol3san profile image60
      carol3sanposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I've had 2 long distance relationships in the past and they both failed.  One was in the military and the other lived in a different country.  I was younger at the time but I doubt that age had anything to do with it.

      1. HattieMattieMae profile image66
        HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Have one for four years now, i'd have to write a whole hub! lol I see them succeed all the time, it's just the one's that are strong enough to endure the race of patience until you can move together in the same place. Whether it is love, or just emotional issues that block you from having the experience of making the life long committment together, and being together in the same area. Some are just in it for the sex, money, or unemotionally available, and safer to have it over internet.

  7. profile image0
    icountthetimesposted 5 years ago

    I didn't used to think much of them, but a few friends have had long distance relationships that have worked. So really, I think I was just being rather closed minded about them.

  8. janesix profile image60
    janesixposted 5 years ago

    My opinion from experience: not a good idea.

  9. loveandsex profile image66
    loveandsexposted 5 years ago

    For them... If both of them are committed to the relationship and are true to themselves, i don't see anything wrong..I wrote a hub on something like this few days ago..

  10. novicemuse profile image60
    novicemuseposted 5 years ago

    I agree with A Thousand Words, it all depends on the circumstances. If the two people have been together for a considerable amount of time and are very committed, then there is hope for success. However, if the two have only been together a short while or only had a fling, there is little promise. Unfortunately, psychologically the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is but a myth. Instead, we are more likely to abide by the concept that "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." Once again, it's all circumstantial though.

  11. Jynzly profile image71
    Jynzlyposted 5 years ago

    Nice to meet you too. You know I am Capricorn and my Dad is Leo. Hehe, it's the reverse.

  12. freefogging profile image77
    freefoggingposted 5 years ago

    I am not either for or against them, but I don't believe they really work. Loneliness usually gets to one or both of you and we can't help that feeling. Therefore we usually seek out "friendship" to deal with the loneliness. The friendship can easily turn into a relationship especially if your significant other is thousands of miles away.

    1. Jynzly profile image71
      Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I have no problem on "seeking out friendship" because I can never do that, I have high set of values system, besides I am surrounded with my daughter and family and long time best friend in school. That "seeking for friendship" thing might be happening to him and that's my concern; I worry a lot especially that cyber cheating is rampant nowadays.

  13. carolinemd21 profile image72
    carolinemd21posted 5 years ago

    It depends on how in love each person is with one another.

    1. Jynzly profile image71
      Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I agree

    2. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I agree to that too. My love for this woman I want to spend my life with is so great I can never contemplate anyone else, even if she was to leave me. My loyalty is my best quality I think and my love for her will stand even if hers does not, I would rather  stay 11'000 miles away and love her with this pain and anguish from the loneliness of my solitude than be with someone out of convenience. I never believed in true love until I met her, infact I doubted the concept of love, now I only have enough in me to love this woman and I will let nothing or no one compromise my relationship with her! She says she feels the same about me, I trust her and believe her, what else is there to do for me?

      1. Jynzly profile image71
        Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        You're just like him...he never believed in love before or did not understand what love is...but I know; there are no words actually to explain what love is. I love my husband and it means sharing our lives together for better or for worse. When the day comes that we will finally be together, I will have o need of anything else, all I do is to pamper him. This distance is "killing" me.

  14. profile image0
    Emily Sparksposted 5 years ago

    Well, I have never been in one.......yet.  My boyfriend may be going to school across the country.  I know our relationship is real and will last.  I just know there will be some difficulties and ajustments to get use to.  On the other hand, "absence makes the heart grow fonder".  smile

  15. sarcasticool profile image79
    sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago

    I am in a long distance relationship with a woman 11'000 miles away. I am in New Zealand and she is in England. We have been in a LDR for 5 years now. We have meet 4 times and hopefully a 5th time in April this year. every time we part at the airport it kills us almost. I love her more than anything and can only dream of the day our circumstances change and we can be together for good. We have these two silver half-broken hearts we put together when we meet and then swap halves when we leave. When we finally get together once a year for a week or two it is amazing, but the time apart is unbearable. I am committed to her completely, and I love her so much! I just miss her so much sad

    1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
      Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Aww I remember that anguish so well, and it doesn't go away til you both get in the same time zone-simple as that!

      Hey Im a Kiwi married to an American. It took us years (4) to meet face to face and it was a natural as can be.

      I flew to the U.S. A year later he flew to NZ. We eventually married after a very long courtship.

      2009 I flew to the U.S to meet his family and it was great!

      Of course like any normal relationship there have been ups and downs,but it was far better than the longing and loneliness of being apart..emotionally and physically.

      I wish you and your special lady every success for the future.

      Kia Kaha Kiwi smile

      1. sarcasticool profile image79
        sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you, your story gives me hope smile Nice to hear of a success story!

        1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
          Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          My hub (cuz I wrote one) you mean? or this post? thanks all the same.

          Just remember ,there is always hope, and when you want more ,step it up a notch wink

          1. sarcasticool profile image79
            sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            This i mean, but if you wrote a hub on your LDR I would be keen to read it, I am looking everywhere for hope on this, I want to one day be able to walk down the street with her or watch a tv show with her, or go to a movie or just watch her sleep and wake to see her face every morning. I look at how some people take for granted their partners and I see couples walk down the street I wish it was US. You know?

            1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
              Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              Yes I do know what you mean!!!
              (It can be quite consuming at times)

              It against the rules to promote one's hubs on a forum ,but just click on my avatar and when you arrive on my profile page scroll down ,look for hub long distance relationship smile

              1. sarcasticool profile image79
                sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                smileK ty. I will check it out. With all the earthquakes and taking care of my mother with dementia, plus my kids, my time with her is so precious and life saving. I want to marry her some day. Thank you for talking to me, sometimes you want to tell someone about it but they don't understand and tell me I am wasting my time or something like that.

                1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
                  Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                  Yea I do understand,it involves every kind of emotion,and often thats even before you get outta bed lol

                  I didnt have an elderly mum to consider ,but I did have childre.But when the timing opened up for me I grabbed it. It was a difficult decision in a way ,but only because I didnt want to be disappointed.

                  But I took the plunge (by flying to him) I had the chance to financially and because it was driving me crazy ,all the phone calls etc etc and waiting and waiting.....some how I wanted to move it up a level or finish it,because after a while my mind couldnt take it any longer ,lol.

                  Everyone is different ,and maybe you both need some kind of plan or goal ,something you can see is 'do able'

                  1. sarcasticool profile image79
                    sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                    yeah I think we are waiting  for some opportunity to open, I have kids from my last marriage and she has a child. I wish I could talk more on here but I feel I can't speak in this thread anymore sad Thank you for your advice and experiences on the matter.

    2. Jynzly profile image71
      Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      sarcasticol,
      you sound like my husband far away...I know the feeling and I am now crying. Yes, the airport...makes me cry...

      1. sarcasticool profile image79
        sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I understand your pain. Every time I hear a plane go over my roof I try to cover my ears. When I know she will be visiting the sound or sight of a plane are the most desired thing to hear or see, but when she goes they torture me so cruely sad I know exactly how you feel, and yet there is nothing I can do but save up another thousand dollars to be with her for a week or so. If she can make it here in April maybe on my birthday I will wait in the same place by the "wall" our special place we meet, if she can't get here then I will still go to the airport and leave a rose by that wall. When she left through the boarding gate last time  I went back past the table where we had a cup of coffee and saw our cups still sad went home alone on a bus and just collapsed on my bed with all the memories of her in my house. Pain!!

        1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
          Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          So sad ,but crazy too.
          Can she not join you for good?

          1. sarcasticool profile image79
            sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            I hope so one day. I really do.

  16. HattieMattieMae profile image66
    HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago

    Have to agree with you Sarcaticool. In the same boat.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Not easy, all I do is long for her. She is like the piece of me that is missing, a void that no one else can fill. $1000's mean nothing to pay for a ticket to bring her here to me, nothing I make on here even contributes, I only write on here for the love of it, and a chance to write her somewhere into my poems or a chance to mention her to someone, anyone to make her real when I doubt myself. sad

  17. karthikkash profile image90
    karthikkashposted 5 years ago

    If both are willing to make it work, then why not?

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      why not indeed?

  18. ElizaDoole profile image89
    ElizaDooleposted 5 years ago

    No no no no no! Anyone with a reasonable drive for the hanky panky (so that I won't get censored) cannot and will not put up with long absences in the beginning of a relationship. Ask the same questions a few years down the line, and if you are in love, the answer is still no no no no no!

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I guess I am not...  anyone.  A few years or five to be exact down the track and 11'000 miles from the one I love, and as loyal as the day I met her. I am glad not everyone is the same, or thinks the same and/or feels the same. Though it maybe hard for some to contemplate, not everyone can be branded and put into a box of predictability. The answer will always depend on the question asked...  most but not everyone is found wanting!

      1. Eaglekiwi profile image71
        Eaglekiwiposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I hear what you say Sar ,but what are your plans to be in the same country?

        Eliza's right that the real fun begins when you live and work ,and meet the kids lol  24/7 ,an not just a vacation (when everyones on their best behaviour)

        Wish my hubby was here(typing) to tell you his side of the story,but I am sure he would say it was a bed of roses lol not

    2. Jynzly profile image71
      Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      ElizaDoole,
      You make me nervous, I love my husband but I cannot bear the thought of him doing "hanky panky" with anyone. I would like to believe that husband is as faithful in our relationship as I am. I know that temptations are evrywhere, in fact it is just a click of your fingers. I can "invite" temptations too but I have integrity. I have "word of honor" and lofty values system.

  19. ElizaDoole profile image89
    ElizaDooleposted 5 years ago

    Ok but this line of wholesome love does wear itself out eventually. Five years? Pin that lady down, you need to do the hard yards of day to day existence together. The easy part is being independent and on your own (but loyal). Day to day, you work out who washes the dishes, and who won't, and who is the best cook, and who makes the bed, and who is tidier, and who hangs up a towel. This stuff is pure joy to discover. The rhythm and flow of life together. Impossible to learn while in a LD relationship.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      No being independent and on your own is not easy at all. In the 5 years we have been together, we have met, and believe you me the dishes, washing, and chores as such will not be a problem. In my opinion, loyalty is only a problem for those who can't be trusted!  I did the hard part for 23 years in a marriage and all I got for it was screwed over and my ex found someone else and I ended up in this LDR, that is very hard, and if i allow myself to believe all the negative reasons I get from everyone why this can't work I am surely going to fail. I look at couples around me, many who take each other for granted, something I have never done in this LDR, and I wouldn't want their kind of "joy". Every person is different, every relationship different, that's what needs to be realised, and not all people revert to type, but cherish the opportunity to have a chance at finding the person who they believe is the "one" and most times the only scepticism is from those who can't believe that could work. It is hard yes, And I am sure many fail. But I want this woman more than anything, and enjoy doing the dishes wither her whether I wash or dry and I won't take for granted things most couples are ignorant of.  And I believe being loyal is not something to try and obtain, I think it is a quality you either have or don't have, and anything else is an excuse.

      1. Jynzly profile image71
        Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Loyalty and integrity are  inherent qualities of a person but sometimes, if not often, these qualities can be corrupted by so much temptations around; to expose one's self to temptation is similar to you are already tempted. This is my concern about my husband; that his loneliness might push him to succumb to temptations.

        1. sarcasticool profile image79
          sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          I can't speak for your husband, I can only speak for my own self and I know how I think and feel, and what I want in life... I would never be unfaithful to my woman or even entertain the thought. I hope your husband feels as strongly, but in the end it is up to the individual when presented with temptation whether to act on it and let it entice them into being unfaithful or resisting and knowing that what he has is worth being loyal for.

          Also can you please not drag this thread in to comments on my hubs and poems that I have written. If you read the summaries they will tell you what my hubs are about. I have however written about my first marriage, but I don't think it is very nice to leave comments that are taken from these forums which I am sharing in confidence. If you don't believe that I can be faithful to my gf then that is your opinion, but don't assume I am like your husband, because I am not, I am not tempted by any other woman and I don't have to justify that to anyone. I was just stating my opinion how it is for me and what I think.

          1. Jynzly profile image71
            Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            I am sorry if I had offended you. I have no intent to do that. I am not in the position too to compare you to anyone, I am just speaking for my husband and since we are talking about distance relationship openly so I also voice out my own concern with no intention to attack anyone.

            1. sarcasticool profile image79
              sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              It's okay, I am sorry too. I don't mean to be hostile. My loyalty to this woman is genuine. I just miss her.
              I hope things work out with your husband.

              1. Jynzly profile image71
                Jynzlyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                I do hope too, thank you and good luck to both of us.

  20. skinsman82000 profile image79
    skinsman82000posted 5 years ago

    I think the keyword here is Time.  If you're not going to be far apart for a large amount of time I think it can work.  If there's light at the end of the tunnel, love can push through it.  But the longer you wait and the farther you are....multiply that with temptation from the opposite sex...and well.  Let's just say the track record for long distance relationships isn't that great.  But then again, marriage doesn't work out very often either.  So you have to just believe i suppose.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Where are statistics you have for LDRs? Do you have them for standard relationships, because when I look around me I don't see too many lasting that long, marriages included. I believe it is not the type of relationship one is in but, the people who are in them, their commitment and character, their love and long suffering. I guess you could say, maybe a LDR that succeeds is what? the type of love and commitment two people have or the type of relationship they are in? Would the standard relationships of most people, who do the dishes together, groceries, washing up etc... be so strong if the had to one adjust to a LDR? It's the two people in the relationship, not the type of relationship.

  21. sarcasticool profile image79
    sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago

    okay. I am actually feeling depressed from reading all this. Like you say, despite what the statistics are, I have to just believe. sad

    1. HattieMattieMae profile image66
      HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think the question would be like in my own situation, what steps are you both taking to get in the same place to live together. Like job wise, or extra jobs or hobbies to make money. I don't remember how long you've been together, but if you learn to work together as a team you will learn to do things together to where you want to go in life. Things happen in their own timing, and like I have been four years now. But we are closer than ever, and always growing stronger. We don't ask those questions anymore, we just find ways to make money to get to our destination now. You can wait forever, but what you going to do to put it in action to get there is the question. If you're just waiting around and not moving forward with it, it will never go anywhere. You have plenty of ways on line to share things. Facebook, videos, writing letters, voice, games like Second LIfe where you can interact with each other, on cam you can see each other. It is only temporary, and if you just spend an hour a day communicating, it makes time go faster. Just depends on how much you lover her, and how much time you want to invest in her. smile

      1. sarcasticool profile image79
        sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Thanks for your reply, we always talk about making the big move. I have 5 children from my last marriage, 3 with me, to move away I would have to take those that live with me away from here and their mother, and leaving behind my other kids. My daughter and her baby, my grandson, so many things, and leave at a time while there is still big eartquakes happening in this city sad My GF too has a son from her last marriahe and would have to leave behind her life and job there and remove the child from seeing his father etc. Not so straight forward, and we hope to discuss this more when she visits in April. Compatibility and trust etc. are not the problem, just our situations. We do all the Facebook, Msn, e-mails, Skype, games, letters and sending parcel thing and our visits when we can get the tickets. It's just us being together effects others in a big way, and we are aware of that.

  22. Richieb799 profile image61
    Richieb799posted 5 years ago

    It can be difficult, I had a holiday romance last year, when I came back we talked on Skype for 4 months and I had to look for a new job before I could think about flying back. I got a new job and could have flown back, however, there is too much temptation between parties for finding someone new and giving up hope and you can't keep an eye on them!

    1. profile image0
      Emily Sparksposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Well, if you feel as it you have "to keep an eye on them" you do not   have any trust.  And if you have no trust, you have no real relationship.  You must be able to trust your parter.

      1. sarcasticool profile image79
        sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I agree. You either trust the person you are with or not, otherwise what's the point. I trust my partner 11,000 miles away, she trusts me, and if we had to worry about the others loyalty then it wouldn't really be much of a relationship.

      2. Richieb799 profile image61
        Richieb799posted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I did trust her actually, but after I found out she was talking to another guy on Skype...my mate pointed out that it is not a good idea to have a long distance relationship where you don't know anything about what they are doing.

        1. sarcasticool profile image79
          sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          I see. I built my relationship over 5 years with my partner she has visited and we have spent quality time together, and developed trust, and relationships are built on trust, not just by one person but by both. I also don't think  people go out and decide to be in a LDR, I didn't, after I was seperated, I meet my GF on line, we bacme good friends and over the space of time we fell in love and developed our relationship over time, I know her well enough to trust her and she me, I know that is not always the case, just like any relationship. If you can find love locally then by all means do, don't look for a LDRs, because it is hard, but if you find yourself in one, or falling in love with someone far away, as happens, then I believe trust on both parts is needed more than ever.

          I hope you find someone, somewhere you can trust, however and that you find happiness.

  23. Richieb799 profile image61
    Richieb799posted 5 years ago

    I'm not saying people should avoid long distance relationships mind, I just said it was hard. I would probably do it again if I met someone I really liked, life's too short for being overly paranoid.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I guess so. All the best any way. I think I have said too much on this thread and am getting not so nice replies on my hub pages that have filtered out from stuff i have shared on here.

  24. jessicagavin1 profile image55
    jessicagavin1posted 5 years ago

    very true @ Richieb.

  25. ElizaDoole profile image89
    ElizaDooleposted 5 years ago

    Perhaps you asked this question to seek reassurance that long distance relationships work out?
    No surprise that some people say yes and some say no. I haven't seen the hub comments - I will agree that no one should be horrid to you about wanting to seek opinion. Forums are public places though, it is hard to set limits?
    Different relationship models work for different people. I did not know you had been in a close domestic marriage for so long (you look young in your pic smile), and perhaps this is colouring your views about the merits of a long distance love, as you were hurt in another relationship model, if I may put things that way.
    It is always tough to seek out other voices, and expand our thinking beyond our comfort zones. From your thoughtful replies to everyone, you are obviously wrestling with the question, and perhaps you like this lady enough to move closer towards being together more often. Maybe that is what you are framing up in your mind. How to ask her for more?
    If so, good luck with that. You seem a nice, thoughtful man. You must have courage to try closeness again, and that is hard, and I wish you well.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Thank you, I may look young but I am 43. I was married for 23 years, we got married very young, rushed in to it, had 5 children together 4 boys and a girl. My oldest boy is 21 and my daughter 20 and she is with her partner and has has a baby boy just before X-mas. When my mother got ill with dementia we tried having her with us but didnt work so I took turns with my brother and sister to live there with mum 3 days a week between us. My bro and sis pulled out and it was either a home for mum or live there. So I lived with mum and my wife met someone else and, then someone else again, and I met my GF in the UK and we have been together for 5 years. I am still taking care of my mum who is very bad now with dementia. I am her full time caregiver and have the younger 3 of my children with me. If i was childless and didn't have the responsibility of my mother I would be with the woman I love now. I love her so much, but it's not just about us.

      Trusting again was so hard because even before my marriage I had trust issues from stuff that happened to me when I was young.  Thank you for your well wishes. I hope an opportunity opens somehow, otherwise I will wait forever for this woman. I know I may not sound like your typical male, but I would be happy for what we have until I can be with her. I don't want anyone else but her, and I can not trust again. I had so many OCDs and trust issues she help me get through, I was wrapped in this thick layer of distrust and bitterness, she broke through all of that and loved me for who I was, and I fell so deeply in love with her and now I feel for the first time what love really is in the 5 years I have known her than in all the 23 years of my marriage. I have to be with her or no one at all. I know I sound stupid but it is as it is and I am who I am. I say it as it is, I can't stand fake people,  we must be who we are whether we are are hated or loved for it.

      1. ElizaDoole profile image89
        ElizaDooleposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        It is hard caring for your mum right now. I can see why you don't want to rush decisions. I am sure your girlfriend understands this too. I hope your relationship works, I can see why you need to take it slow. Good luck and remember that we all just have to get on with things and keep going - between the good things that happen to all of us is life - the bits in between. Chin up!

        1. sarcasticool profile image79
          sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Yes you are right it is so hard with mum. My GF understands with mum, when she came here she helped me with her. I know I have to keep things going, and it is the things I don't mention on here that make it all that much harder in my life, I am sure you know. Thank you for your well wishes. Just knowing my gf loves me, even so far away makes getting up at 3 am in the morning to clean up mum's messes, and get the kids to school on time, cook, clean, wash and all those things I must do, made bearable because at the end of my night I come to her on MSN messenger, exhausted and worn out she tells me how much she loves me and I her, we share about our day, we laugh, talk, play and cry, and I know I can wake up and do all those things again. You know? It may not be what everyone else could live on, but I survive on that. Thank you for talking to me about this, it has helped.

  26. Disturbia profile image60
    Disturbiaposted 5 years ago

    I'm not so much of a romantic that I think long-distance relationships stand a chance.  Of course, for some people, that distance just might be the only thing keeping the relationship together, since they aren't actually living together and subjected to all of each other's annoying little habits that might, at first seem cute, but eventually get on one's nerves.

    1. HattieMattieMae profile image66
      HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Well from my experience I would say It is a test of love, and learning important lessons of communication, amongst other things. I dated many people offline in my community, as well as married to one for 10 years. This relationship has simply changed my perspective, and could see how back in the 1800's how some relationships might have even been better and deeper because they had to travel and communicate longer before just rushing so quickly into a relationship. Think it prepares you to handle the habits, because you get plenty of time to learn about one another, because you have too. Offline you communicate maybe a few days, weeks, or months, start the sex, and everyone stops talking and communicating, and than it goes down hill. lol Being on both ends at some time or the other very happy I got to experience it this way this time. Richer and more closer than I ever have been in my entire life, and I hope others experience the same. Which I know quite a few that have succeeded and got married and feel the same way.

  27. HattieMattieMae profile image66
    HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago

    Yes, that is a little more complicated than my situation. He doesn't have any children and I have one that is 16. Hmm....that is a hard one.  I guess that is a lot of choices to make. Probably have to decide whether You really love each other to make some sacrifices. Really no one can make that call. I understand the parental visitation alone is complicated. Are you in the same country? Or different countries. It might not be so bad if you're in the same country, you can drive, or make visits every few months, but other country might be quite expensive. If in the same country you can just make arrangements. I don't think its so bad have friends that do that, and they were fine. They just had the kids in the summer and the other dearing school year.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      We are as far away as we can be. I am in new Zealand and she is 11'000 miles away in England. Most people would give up on that alone despite the other factors. But I am not most people. There is no easy answer. I know the cost, sacrifices, obstacles that are against us. I guess I didn't need to come into this thread to seek answers and the opinions or approval of others. The reason I am in this thread really was only to be able to talk about her, tell my story, after all, it is a lonely state of affairs, and I just want to mention her sometimes.

  28. HattieMattieMae profile image66
    HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago

    I think I understand that, it makes sense. If you both feel that strongly it will endure the test of time. Sounds more like maybe you've found your soulmate. I know it's rough, but I'm sure if things are meant to be at some point things will start moving and positioning in the right timing. It may be a few years, but sometimes it is just to show you that what you can get through together now, when you are together in the same country you will work out for the rest of your life. Although its long and tiring sometimes, it is worth the wait. Until than I would just save what money you can and do the things you can in the moment to make that happen. I know a lot of people don't understand online relationships, but you can be alot more intimate than if you met her in your own area. If you feel that strongly she is the one, never give up on the dream until it become reality. It may be hard physically, but you are never truly seperated spiritually and emotionally. It really is up to you both, and about you and her. No one else can tell you its not right for you. Do what makes you both happy.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Thank you so much. I would say she is my Soul mate, My best friend and my only lover. I feel she is the missing part of me. call me obsessed, crazy or deluded, I don't care. Living in this earthquake ravaged city, with my children and my mother, 11'000 miles away from the one person in this world who makes me realise the true meaning of love, you learn what is really important and I would rather the pain of separation than the loss of this connection with this woman and the closeness we have! Your post is a comfort to me. I thank you for understanding in your words. Maybe I can return to this thread one day as the happiest man in the world who has finally become one with his true love! How else can I think otherwise.

  29. HattieMattieMae profile image66
    HattieMattieMaeposted 5 years ago

    ha ha yes, probably why I write a zillion poems about my dutch guy. I will see him this summer, so I know what you mean. lol It's been two years since the last time I saw him.

    1. sarcasticool profile image79
      sarcasticoolposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I write poems too. I intend to write one about my love. All the best with your meeting. I hope your summer is a good one. I am hoping to see mine this April. Best wishes!

  30. Toolsonline profile image62
    Toolsonlineposted 5 years ago

    Long distance relationships do not work, until you are married then you will be looking for one!

  31. jirel profile image77
    jirelposted 5 years ago

    Of course, against them.I wouldn't want to be away from my loved one.It's hard to bear the pain.There are also sayings like"Out of sight, out of mind".Many times , it works but it doesn't mean that they never had true love.I'm just being practical from what I've seen and heard.

  32. Shaddie profile image89
    Shaddieposted 5 years ago

    I'm in one right now. After a year, it's not exactly working out...

 
working