Is there a "double standard" when it comes to (stay at home) dads?
It's often said that being a (stay at home mom) is one of the hardest jobs in the world. However when the roles are reversed and the wife is the "breadwinner" a large portion of society views the man as being lazy. Ladies could you be happy having a stay at home husband taking care of the kids, housework, and cooking while you worked and paid bills?
Its the hardest job for those, who are made for the job ... women ... imagine how hard it would be for those who are not made for the role ... men !
Every society has its own double standards ... for everything.
Its therefore, important for both mom and dad, to ignore how the society views them ... and raise the kids as best as they can.
Absolutely. My husband stayed home with our first child for a short time. He could not find a job, I had bookkeeping skills and was able to find work. He did a fantastic job. Later I was able to stay home and loved it--but I am grateful for that time.
I do think there are double standards. Men should not be looked down on for staying at home. It is a very hard job making life work for the person who is out making the money and there is little glory in it--but raising kids well is the most important job on earth.
There is only a double standard if you believe there is. In fact, I haven't heard that term in a very long time. With the exception of two men (one I married and one I dated), I always made more money. Yes, I would be happy with a man who was good with household chores. I'm no housewife, and I'd much rather be working. I would appreciate someone taking over in that department when it comes to the house and kids. I won't "carry" a man who won't work or help around the house. It doesn't mean he has to do housework. Let's just say he can work on chores and all that or pay to have it done. I'm not a woman who will do it all and make excuses for a lazy man. If a man does not contribute to the household in any other way other than a regular pay check, I'd dump him. I've seen too many women do all the work, and I'm not going to waste my time, waiting for any man to get off his dead ass and help me run the household. In any household, don't ever cater to a man on a throne and make him King. You will regret it. In fact, you are setting a poor example for your daughters. Teach all your kids to cook and clean. Don't teach them to wait on anybody. It would not hurt to for them to see Dad do "Mommy's Work," either. There are choices in life we can take other than roles the generations have already planned for us.
Society generally has assigned preconceptions of how a man should and a woman should provide to a heterosexual relationship. We have become so accustomed that a complete reversal of roles can often be misjudged. The man may be seen as being lazy, incompetent or as less of a man. There is a societal stigma attached to men who provide entirely at home.
However, if they work and also help at home; that is a different story. Also, the woman may be seen as being overly dominant and too masculine. People usually judge based on their own understandings of gender based roles.
Also, it depends on the income of the family. If the female is a high earner and the male is at the low end of the income receiver. It may be seen with a bit more understanding than if the family was struggling.
Its also interesting to point out that males who are in homosexual relationship may do this easily. We have certain male and female stereotypes within the very fabric of those relationships as well. However, myself, I don't see why it should not work for a couple especially if both are really good at what they do. As long as couple don't feel forced to take on these roles then its fine. Also, this sort of situation may be seen with some respect if it was a temporary solution; perhaps until the couple reorganize their financial commitments. For instance, if the husband is unemployed at the moment with a toddler. Then people may sympathize with his situation. Also, it may be okay if the husband works from home or is temporarily preparing studying towards an exam, degree or some certification. However, if the male is at home cooking for school age children; then may not be in the receiving end of much applause.
If I could get a job to provide for my family in this economy, I'd be more than happy to come home to a cooked meal, kids tended to, and a hot guy in the sack. I've been there and done that. It's nothing near lazy. In fact, being the "stay at home" anything is like a skilled circus act: you not only have to do your job well, but get an audience that is pleased with your performance. That's never easy when you don't get paid.
I live in a very traditional, conservative area and would have to say that yes, society as a whole seems to have very much a double standard for stay-at-home dads. I am extremely happy to have my husband stay at home, he is an excellent househusband and generally has a lot higher energy level than I do, allowing him to keep up with the kids along with the housework and other chores. That said...we're both getting awfully sick of people asking when he's going to find a job.
When I originally quit my job to strike out full-time as a freelancer, everyone thought that it was so great that I was going to spend my time raising the kids and "could help with household expenses too." These same people expected it would be catastrophic to us when my husband lost his job, and don't seem to understand why we're not bankrupt a year and a half later.
He is older, with more work experience and far more education, but we found that I make a lot more money with him home to take care of the house than we were able to make with him working out of the house and me working around the kids' schedules. Society thinks he's lazy or unable to find a job, and can't understand why I tolerate him still not having one. At least once a week some well-meaning acquaintance tells us of an opening they heard about, and they're all still puzzled when we don't pursue any of them. These same people even say that they know where I can find a job to tide us over until he finds one, because I couldn't possibly be able to manage without a "real job."
Thankfully, we put very little stock in what society thinks, and don't feel the need to explain ourselves. I sincerely hope that other potential stay-at-home dads and breadwinner moms will equally disregard these outdated and often unfair preconceptions about who should be doing what. Too many assume that stay-at-home dads laze around and still let Mom do all the cooking and cleaning when she comes home, and too many also assume that Mom couldn't possibly be making enough money to support a whole family on her own.
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