When do you tell the kids your in love with someone new?

1. 60

   lizy625posted 15 years ago

   Unfortunately, the world we live in is filled with divorced parents dating again. So, when we find that new love of our lives, how do we tell the kids? When?

   replyreport
   1. 84

      rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      it comes from maturity of relationship and the children,
      
      don't be in a rush~~~~ there's research that second marriages have a higher divorce rate because so many rush into it while the endorphins are still in high gear. take your time.

      replyreport
      1. 0

         sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Great advice!

         replyreport
   2. 48

      Goddardposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      You may have some reasons for your reservations. It could be that not all sites are good enough. But you can convince yourself about these sites after you go through Modern Man It is a very good site about dating. It guides new comers as well as experienced people about dating.

      replyreport
2. 0

   sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

   You control yourself you have kids they come first and they need their parents. It's not about you anymore, so dance with the one you're with and tell Pinochio in another life maybe!

   replyreport
   1. 0

      zampanoposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I absolutely agree with you. Children come first.
      But a lonely parent's (psychological, financial) balance can be greately improved by the presence of a good loving companion.
      And that is good for the children.
      It's just a matter of choosing well.
      Lone parents is so sad.

      replyreport
      1. 0

         sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I agree 100%! Alone parent is in need of a companion. Developing a romance while you're married with children is a no-no.

         replyreport
         1. 62

            Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            I don't think a "lone parent" is always "so sad".  I think there's something to be said for a parent who is an example of an adult who is whole and happy even without a romantic partner.  It shows kids that people can live happily without being in a relationship.  More importantly, it shows them that it's better to have no relationship than to settle for any old relationship just in order not to be without a boyfriend/girlfriend.
            
            Parents can't always be in the "ideal" situation (which most people think is in a happy marriage to the kids' other parent).  Parents are always examples, though, so if they're married it should be a good marriage.  If they're single they can be an example as I mentioned before.  If they have a "friend" it should be a healthy relationship.  As for when to tell the kids anything; if I were in that situation I would not use the word, "love", unless I knew I was going to marry the "friend".  I might say "care about" or "are close friends"; but I wouldn't want my kids to see a possible failed "love" and then see me move on to the next "love of my life".  Divorced parents have already been an example of one unhealthy marriage.  I don't think being yet more examples of yet more failed "loves" is wise.

            replyreport
3. 57

   spharrodposted 15 years ago

   I don't think there is ever a good time to tell a child, no matter what age that there is someone new in your life.  Depending on the age and maturity of your children and what they have seen between the two parents will help decide on whether or not to tell and when.  If the children are in school, talk to a guidance counselor or even a minister, priest or someone that knows you as a family.  Don't do like I did and wait until they are grown and gone and live a miserable unhappy life.  Remember if you are happy, they usually are happy.  HANG IN THERE, you'll know when the right time is.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Wrong answer.

      replyreport
4. 60

   DARICANMAMIposted 15 years ago

   When you find love and know that its something you want around for a long time then its time to take your baby steps. I myself a single mom with three sons have always walked on egg shells. I found a great man and fell in love with him my kids are first but my kids got to meet my "friend". I had to see how my kids  would like him how they interacted with him and him with them. I am happy to say that everything went pretty good a few bumps in th road but we all have made it and we will be married by next month. My kids asked him when are you going to marry my mom because they saw how happy he made me and how good he was to them. By the way my boys are 13,11,9 years of age. Its not going to be perfect all the time but if the person treats you and your kids good it shouldnt be a problem telling them. But if there is a problem with the way the outsider treats you are the kids then keep moving forward and keep looking kids are always first but that doesnt mean you can have your own life and love some one else other then the other parent. Im not stuck in the 1950's when you deal with everything and never move forward and die alone. I wish you the best and only let the best into you and your kids world.

   replyreport
5. 61

   Dominionmaster2posted 15 years ago

   I think we don't give our kids enough credit sometimes. I find that alot of the times they understand more than we think they do.
     Part of parenting is teaching your children how to live in this world, to accept the beauty as well as the ugliness. Unfortunately this world is not perfect and parents don't always stay together, especially in today's society with it's mixed up values and priorities. Believe me when I tell you that you are not doing your kids any favors by completely shielding them from the truth of life's unpredictable nature.

   replyreport
6. 60

   Mocha Mommaposted 15 years ago

   Wow, interesting posts. 
   
   For whatever reason that you and your ex are no longer together, make sure the children have an understanding of what that is and what it means and have had the time to adjust to the change.
   
   If you are in a situation where you are seeing someone else on a serious basis, you should probably allow your children to meet them first.  Allow the kids to become comfortable with the fact that you're seeing someone that isn't their other parent/your ex.
   
   I do not condone living a life of loneliness, secrets, and conditions potentially disastrous to your overall well being because you don't think your children can handle the reality of you being in love with someone else.  Studies have shown that being happy in a marriage extends ones life.  Now imagine what the opposite does.
   
   Also understand, no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, staying together for the sake of the children is a selfish and unkind thing to your children and to yourself.  Children that have grown up in homes whereas the parents weren't happily married do not have the life example that they need in order to be successful in their own marriage and repeat the cycle and live a life full of resentment, instead of a life of contentment and love. 
   
   Remember that the behavior is learned and who they become is a direct reflection on how you've raised them and the example that you've set.

   replyreport
7. 60

   MarjorieDposted 15 years ago

   Let the children meet the new person under casual circumstances so there is no pressure on either side and hopefully less awkwardness.  See how that goes and ease them into it.

   replyreport