Whats your best advice for a friend who doesn't want to let go of an abusive or cheating partner?
I have met so many people (mostly women) who wont break up with their partners even thought they cheat and lie. When I ask them why they have stayed they just say "but I love him".
Its difficult because they probably feel they can change the person and that if they let go, then they have failed and its their fault it ended, probably also blaming themselves that their partner cheated in the first place. The self esteem goes out the window and then they can't see them self as a person another man would want, so they choose to stay where they are.
Another thing is, people who are cheated on or told them should leave their partner, get very defensive about their partner, making excuses for them. Its a touchy subject to get on with these woman because it could easily get out of control and end up with you losing a friend.
The person has 2 choices, leave or stay, leave and accept the cheater for who they are, and accept cheating in the relationship (dont complain constantly they cheat bla bla, you are the reason you are still in the relationship that has a cheater). Leave and accept that you only have one life and the more years you spend with a cheater is wasted years, because you will regret not leaving when you are old and you cannot get your youth or the years lost back.
Its really simple, once a cheater see's you are staying with them, they take it that you accept their cheating ways, they wont stop, and anybody that stays in that relationship is a fool, you deserve and can find so much better, the trick is to get these people to see that for themselves, then they will make the right choice.
Familiarity is comforting. Some people don't adjust to change very well or are afraid of change.
Tell them to wake up. What has he done to say he loves you back? Do they really mean that he loves you? No. Most people THINK others love them or have convinced themselves they love the other person when really they do not. This is usually seen in women who desire having someone with them at all times as a partner and go to pieces if they do not have someone to lean on. It makes them safe, gives them a safety net.
My boyfriend's mother is a perfect example. She has been convinced her boyfriend is cheating on her for the last year and a half. They have been dating for two years. She always has a man and every relationship goes poorly because of something she did in an attempt to keep the man or fix a problem in the relationship that she believed existed.
They seem helpless to the actions during this relationship and unable to realize what they are doing to the relationship. If they do realize the damage they cause, they do not attempt to fix or aid it.
Beware of these women. They come with stress, drama, and conflict over what does not exist and push things out of porportion.
I just wrote a hub on this topic, I have seen women in this arena before and their behavior lead me to my interest in the study of female psychology in the related field and did some study in this arena, while in collage. In abstact, it has a lot to do with value, they were taught to believe in while growing up, girls are been taught a lot of none sense/distorted perspective in regards to love, life and happiness in the western world, while growing up, especially in catholic schools (satistically, speaking girls that goes to catholic school has the lowest trun out rate, in persuing higher educating or going into the work force, then any girls that went to any other form of schools, despite the fact these catholic school girl, generally demostrate the same level of talent in these arena, as any other girls.) Satistically speaking, these distorted perspective, that have been taught to girls, has result in a situation, where up to 40% of western woman, at some stage been in a physical or emotional abusive relationship, we in the west, has the highest rate of abusive to woman, in the world!!!
Anyway, you can read about it all in my hub, which also include answer to your question and in term of satistic, what is most likely to be the cause of the odd behavior of these girls, within the question you ask.
THe site is below
http://juiwei2000.hubpages.com/hub/Stat … elatioship
I actually just wrote a hub about domestic violence called "He Hit Me and It Felt Like a Kiss?" It is important that even though you might not understand why she still loves someone who abuses or cheats, you still are supportive of your friend and you do not judge her. I think the best way to go about giving her advice is to remind her that she deserves better and that there is another man out there who can treat her so much better than the man she is with. Most people in abusive relationships feel stuck because they know what their partners are doing is wrong but they still love them.
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