When you are going to fight healthy, you fight within reason and with control. Every person has limits and every person has buttons that when angry you do not push. Certain things should not be said during a fight. Never say something that you do not mean, once it is said-regardless if you meant it, can never be taken back. Fighting is kind of like spanking your children- you need to have control over your emotions to an extent, and attempt to remain willing to listen just as you must be willing to voice your side in a manner that refrains from pointing fingers. Fights are normal, but communication in a civil manner is important to have a fight that is productive. Once you lose your control and stop showing respect for the other person, you will get an emotional outrage of hurt-hate and harm...that can cause damage which is difficult to fix, and with that the bitterness is planted and begins to grow throughout the relationship. So I guess to sum it up- Dont Name Call- Dont Point Fingers- Dont Assume- Listen- and talk in a civil manner (even when yelling)...then at the end, if needed.....walk away to breathe and calm down.... and give the other person a break from you.
Your man just needs to accept that you're always right. Just kidding. I'm still trying to figure this out after 22 years of marriage and 25 years together. Sometimes we really talk things out and act like the adults we pretend to be and other times we act rather childish. I think the key is to keep on talking, though. Even if you are fighting, you are working things out in your own way.
One thing I try really hard not to do is to attack on those below the belt issues that we all know about each other and that really hurt to the core. I have learned over the years that it is better to bite my tongue, even if I have to leave the room, than to say something I'll regret later. You can always come back when you're calmer and express your concerns.
For me, I also pray, pray and pray some more that God will help me handle disagreements with my husband in a loving way. I think I may need to pray harder, though. LOL
talking about it and solving it right there and then or together as a couple in the near future, as two people who profess to love each other, as mature adults! Hold on! wait a minute............... why do I continuously respond with my two cents when people would rather whats impossible or not sensible
as the oldest, I beat up my younger brother and sisters all the time and still love them, and as for my ex wife, I love slapping her tail all the time. it could be why we not together now. but during that time it was healthy and fun to me
go sparring together :-p . It's never the fight that's healthy, unless you consider a 'debate' to be a fight. It's how you finish the fight...If it ends with both partners sleeping in separate bedrooms, it was not a healthy fight.
Yes, if there a no fights then everything is kept bottled up inside. A relationship without arguments is an unhealthy one.
Most fights are either about establishing boundaries or frustration/anger over the fact that our mate did not behave the way we "expected" them to under a given circumstance. I believe the healthy approach to fighting is to first use your "edit button". Don't just snap or explode without knowing what it is you hope to accomplish as a result of doing so.
Generally speaking when one person yells the other person stops listening. If you start by asking "Why" questions (in which you have already decided there is not a single "good reason") then you will only succeed in putting the other person on the defensive.
Keep in mind "Anger is the mask that Hurt wears". Whenever someone is "angry" with you what they really are saying is "you hurt me". If you can remember this it is easier to try and get to the bottom of things.
Lastly try to avoid fights over "unknown or unrealistic expectations" and assumptions. If you've never talked about it in the past the other person had no way of knowing you'd feel that "strongly" about it. Also don't make mountains out of mole hills. If it's not one of your "deal breakers" then don't go into World War III mode!
When it comes to relationships there really is no "right" or "wrong". There is only "agree" and "disagree". Ultimately we are all looking for someone who (naturally agrees) with us on the things we consider important. Opposites may attract in the (short run) but it's like that attracts like in the (long run). Since the only person we can control is ourselves we are left with deciding whether or not we can "accept" our mate as they are.
People change when (they) want to change. Trying to (change someone) usually leads to frustration/disappointment on our part and resentment/rebellion on the part of our significant other. In order to be happy you have to (naturally agree) on most things!
By fighting fairly!
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