Is it normal for my husband and I to fight always?
Is it normal for my husband and I to fight always? This is embarrassing but I need advice...What should I do??
No, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and you should both probably consider counseling or at least sit down and work together on better communication, setting boundaries and clearly defining what you need and expect from one another and then make some compromises. To argue every now and then is totally normal - fighting all the time, is most certainly not ok and points to there being deep seated problems that you should address. If you are both chronically angry at one another, it's hard to work together as partners.
As long as you mean "shouting at each other" when you say fight, which is what i think you mean i would advise the following..When he says anything to you that you don't like hearing it's at that exact time, that you should practice being aware or your actions & your emotions & feelings control..To do that you have to use your husband for the practice, & see how long you can resist reacting to his words until they don't affect you emotionally negatively..His words will make you angry upset etc for as long as you let them, but as you practice you will realise that it's you manifesting/creating your unwanted emotions by how your reacting not his words..The theory behind the training which does work if practiced every time you feel the need to react, is that as you become more in control of your emotions & feelings it will/should "rub off" on your husband..He won't be able to argue with you if you don't ever feel the need to argue back, & he will/should start to want what you've got which is to be in control..Be totally honest with yourself & ask yourself are any of the fights started by you, because it's a bad sign to me because it means your not communicating properly with each other.
"as you practice you will realize that it's you manifesting/creating your unwanted emotions by how your reacting not his words" this is really true to me.. Thanks for all the comments.. it helps me a lot.
Your welcome mate & i swear it's true, & we also create all of our own negative thoughts that we say to ourselves..We then hear those thoughts in our mind, & try to stop ourselves from hearing them by saying even more thought/words to our
If you're always fighting then it's normal for you two.
Most people would rather breakup/divorce than to be fighting all the time. Nevertheless I have witnessed some couples who enjoy it and would be bored to death if there was no friction or anything to complain about. They're almost like a traveling show.
I believe the goal for any mate selection is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things and last but not there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
If you're unhappy with constantly fighting then maybe you should move on. People generally do not change unless (they) are unhappy with the results they're getting. In my opinion life is too short to be fighting all of the time. You're always where you (choose) to be.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Fights in a marriage can bring two people together or drive them apart. If you feel the constant fights are hurting you both discuss your reasons for such fight and try make a compromise or change to avoid the on going fights. No marriage is perfect but fighting all the time can be spoiling a good marriage.
Arguing is not the problem; people who love each other disagree quite bit. The underlying problem is 'reactivity' (what many people call 'drama'). Learn how to reduce your reactivity and get hold of yourself, and then the much more positive alternative of self-validated responding will improve things a great deal.
I think arguing occasionally in a marriage is organic and therapeutic, as it can relieve pent up frustrations and pressure. Now, if you fight all the time, that's most likely beyond healthy, organic fighting and is more likely a signal that you're in a relationship that just isn't meant to be. In our house, my wife is a fighter and I'm incredibly passive, but I've learned that every couple of months we just need to have a knock down, drag out discussion to get everything out there, otherwise some feelings stay pent up and can lead to bigger problems over time. I've got a good story about the time she almost took out the paper boy: http://www.simplemanssurvivalguide.com/ … orgot.html
I agree to Chrisin S's answers. If you guys are fighting all the time, its not good for your marriage at all. And will get worse as the years go by.
This article has some great healthy tips you can apply in your marriage.
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