Do you normally choose your friends or do they choose you?

1. 61

   YvetteParkerposted 12 years ago

   Do you normally choose your friends or do they choose you?

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2. 89

   jellygatorposted 12 years ago

   This might make me sound like a terrible person, but I choose mine. I don't need or want people who are hangers-on with nothing to contribute.

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3. 63

   IndiePharmposted 12 years ago

   I believe it depends on how do we understand each other in some situations, so I think that both sided interaction is at place. I do give myself while talking with someone, watching whether my trust is going to be well taken, and if so, I could refer someone as my friend.

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4. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. It doesn't matter if you initiated the conversation or not . What matters is (you both decided) to continue the conversation. Friendships and relationships come about through mutual agreement. Generally speaking I am real selective about whom I befriend. My friendships evolve over time. There is no such thing as an "instant" best friend. I would probably be turned off by someone I had just met who appeared to be too clingy or trying to fit into my schedule on a weekly basis. Becoming friends is a gradual process in my opinion.

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5. 66

   xethonxqposted 12 years ago

   I definitely choose my friends...at least these are the people that I will spend time with.

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6. 63

   KewlWriterposted 12 years ago

   I was brought up by my mother to be totally independent and because of her bad experiences with people she always tells us that we don't need anyone like friends in our lives. When I was young I actually used to believe her. But as I got older I did realize it all depends on you and you need to choose friends carefully and also there needs to be a balance of them needing you and you needing them.
   
   My therapist says that I lack internal loci of control and that I should not wait for someone to come approach me for friendship but in fact I should choose the people that I am comfortable being with.

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7. 61

   nightwork4posted 12 years ago

   i always choose my friends though i guess they also choose me because they wouldn't be my friend if they didn't want to.

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8. 0

   ExoticHippieQueenposted 12 years ago

   I don't think that it's usually a case of "either/or", but most often it's an unspoken gravitation to each other that occurs without any conscious decision. I love all of my close friends, and I can't honestly say how we found each other.  Once, though I met someone who lived in my town.  I met her at my garage sale, and she began to call me every morning at 8 a.m. and want to talk for an hour or more.  I was very busy then and found it somewhat annoying, yet I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I talked with her.  Then she wanted to go shopping together, but I like to shop alone.  Eventually, I began shopping with her and had a good time.  We became very close friends.  Years later, she told me that she was determined to be friends with me, and basically "stalked" me until I gave in.  That was weird.  She had a volatile temper which caused problems in our friendship, and now we no longer are friends.

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9. 0

   rorshak sobchakposted 12 years ago

   I think a natural friendship just happens. Especially if it is meant to be.

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10. 68

    carter06posted 12 years ago

    Friends are often made by choice but sometimes they find you.

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11. 60

    bmukherjiiposted 12 years ago

    I choose my friends...because I think it is rather better to stay alone than having some bad group of people around me who claim to be my friends but actually do harm to my life

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12. 61

    YvetteParkerposted 12 years ago

    You guys make me feel 'abnormal'! OK, not all of you (lol) But everyone of my friend girls initiated friendships with me and then I made the decision upon getting to really know them as to whether or not to befriend them. There are some that tried to befriend me that I later found out were not friends at all. But for the most part my friends have gravitated to me and I have some of the best friend girls one could ask for. Now, I do choose my guy friends and usually make poor choices so perhaps  I should let hem choose me too! Thanks to all of you for your comments and perspectives on this question.

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