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Why is it that when most couples marry they lose other friendships?

  1. DDE profile image24
    DDEposted 4 years ago

    Why is it that when most couples marry they lose other friendships?

    Most Friendships are lost once couples marry what makes them become withdrawn from being friends with neighbors or other friends like they once used to be?

  2. amiebutchko profile image87
    amiebutchkoposted 4 years ago

    I would have to say that because when you marry, this person becomes the center of your life and your first priority.  Friendships have to come second.  This is not a put down to the friendship and that friend just needs to be patient or understand that it is not personal.

    1. DDE profile image24
      DDEposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for answering.

  3. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 4 years ago

    Most people accept the fact that marriage means your spouse and children become you number one priority. It's always been that way.
    Not many wives want their husband running around with female friends or even male friends all that much. The same holds true for husbands. Very few men would want their wife hanging out with another man or constantly running around town with her girlfriends.
    Having said that it all comes down to personal choices. In order for a friendship to exist (both) people must make the effort to stay in contact. Nevertheless this is very difficult for (friends of the opposite sex). As I mentioned earlier when someone loves their spouse they want her/him to be happy. If associating with someone is going to cause friction in their marriage they will generally choose holding onto their spouse and family over holding onto their platonic friendship.
    Some people choose to have a "secret friendship" which usually entails hidden romantic feelings or sexual attraction. They are aware that their spouses would not approve of the "friendship" and therefore they engage in "emotional cheating" which can eventually lead to physical cheating. Rather than having to deceive their spouse many people opt to let those friendships slide. The other alternative is to incorporate the friendship as (couples). If it's truly a "platonic friendship" this should be easy to do unless the ex is a former lover or love interest. Not many spouses would like that.
    Ideally everyone should have more than (one) friend or family member they confide in. Losing a friend or dramatically spending less time together should not be the end of the world. Hopefully one's spouse is their (best friend).
    "If you have to get out of bed to talk to your best friend then you have married the wrong person." - Unknown

    1. DDE profile image24
      DDEposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting answer and personal choices are he matter at heart thank you.

  4. mgeorge1050 profile image79
    mgeorge1050posted 4 years ago

    Just like a new seedling, a marriage needs a lot of attention in order to grow and flourish.  If you want your relationship with your spouse to grow into a beautiful flower, it takes a lot of work.  The time set aside for friends prior to the marriage normally just is not available anymore.  In my personal experience, I devote most of my time to my wife, but we both make time for our oldest, best friends.

    1. DDE profile image24
      DDEposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Marriage requires patience and time thank you for answering.

  5. Jackwms profile image59
    Jackwmsposted 4 years ago

    I am 78 years old and have been married twice, both long relationships. I don't recall ever losing or withdrawing from friendships after getting married. On the contrary, I found I had more friends. Of course, each partner should have interests and/or hobbies outside their joint interests. I've always liked hiking, especially in the back country with others of similar interests. My wife likes gardening and working with others of similar interests. Sometimes our interests overlap, but it isn't necessary. These are just a couple examples, but these help develop and keep long term friendships. This is a long winded answer to your question, but I think it would be sad to lose friends just because you got married.

    1. merej99 profile image83
      merej99posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with Jackwms 100%. I've lost touch with some single friends perhaps because they didn't want to hear about my marital bliss and endless baby stories. The dynamics simply changed. When they got married with kids we had things in common again.

  6. Edward J. Palumbo profile image85
    Edward J. Palumboposted 4 years ago

    We are different things to different people, and it's actually very difficult for couples to be accepted as readily as one or the other. One may be more approachable or exhibit warmth, while the other may be more reserved. One may be an introvert, while the other is an extrovert. How often have you met a couple and wondered, considering their differences, how they ever became a couple? Their communication styles or priorities may differ, thus one will be more readily accepted than they other. Unless one of the two is obnoxious or socially very awkward, it may take time for them to be accepted as a couple. Some people will come forth, and others will withdraw. Perhaps, they're taking a "wait & see" approach, curious to see if the relationship will last. Unless it's poorly expressed or exhibited, let time take care of these issues. We aren't meant to be universally accepted or appreciated. Be mindful of your spouse, and inoffensive, but understand that some will be more receptive than others, and conduct yourself well.

    1. DDE profile image24
      DDEposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Your answer is my best.

    2. Edward J. Palumbo profile image85
      Edward J. Palumboposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      At your service. Thank you.