For those in second relationships, do you allow your partner to discipline your kids?
I mean kids that you had with someone in a previous relationship.
Yes, we both disipline eachothers kids, but it has been difficult. Both her kids and mine would say "your not my mom/dad" Blened families can be very difficult.
My hisband does discipline OUR oldest child. But I have known him since high school, I would not have married him if I did not trust him COMPLETELY with my child. He is also friends with my child's father. They sit down and talk about how to best discipline OUR child. You don't let boyfriends or fiance's take on that role under any circumstances. You also have to be very clear about what kind of discipline is allowed. Without more information about the situation it's a hard question to answer. But the short answer for ME is yes. I do allow my husband to discipline OUR child.
To answer your question directly, yes, I have twin step-sons and I discipline them on a daily basis. And by discipline, I mean guide them to becoming better people. On occasion I may have to get a little stern with them.
But to answer your question indirectly, I have a daughter, too. Thus she would be a step-daughter to my wife. I openly invite my wife to help in disciplining her, but she primary just defers to me.
I can't imagine being in a serious relationship, but not "allowing" your partner to help in the fostering of the children. It seems part-and-parcel to me.
I knew that it would be challenging for me so I chose to not entertain possibilities of marriage while my son was young. If I did, yes, I probably would have allowed my husband to discipline him within reason.
Up to a point and only after "I" have said my piece or sat down and talked with the kids about their transgression.
After you and your partner have been in a relationship for quite some time and there has been some real bonding between your partner and the children.
The children need to trust your partner, trust he/she has their best feelings at the heart of their matters.
Dearest Lady E.......
I simply can not imagine telling you how to merge different families.
You are a worthy person and a trustworthy parent..
I might expect that these things, would come slowly and with caution.
Might,each parent, monitor, and give way, slowly and with an earned respect.
May it not be a sudden impact.
Trust, first, your own instincts above my reservations.
This is YOUR family...............go with what you know or " sense".
I feel sure that you will do well.
Yes, I do allow my fiance to discipline my daughter. Fortunately, they get on really well, and he will now discipline her. It was tough at first because she only ever had her dad and I before. It took several months for her to accept him and trust him. It was difficult for me too at first to listen to my partner disciplining her. It took time, but its fine now and they do respect one another. She still goes off in a strop no matter which one of us disciplines her!
So long as parent and partner are in aggreeance, I see nothing wrong with this.
My partner is the biological parent of our child...I came into the picture when the child was older. Her mother does the majority of the discipline, but from time to time will consult me if she is unsure...she still doles it out after we make the decision. On a rare occasion I will step in and address some things, but that's mainly if I feel like the child (now 17 y.o.) is not responding to her mother the way she should. I never undermine her mother's decisions, but if I disagree I will talk to her about it privately and accept whatever her mother decides.
When I married my wife, I already had an 8 year old son who had always lived with me alone, when my former wife left us, I maintained a policy of never allowing any female girlfriend to be introduced to my son, this ONLY changed when I knew that my wife to be was indeed my wife to be!
When we married, and she took up residence with us, I knew that the priorities had changed, as the correct and Godly order is as follows:
If we keep to this priority of relationship, we will eventually get all things right, my experience is that if we change the 'pecking order' things go wrong.
So from the start we all had to adjust to a new series of relationships.
I could no longer JUST consider my son and myself.
My wife had two additional men in her life to contend with.
My son was no longer able to demand my full attention and had to contend with a new 'mother' who now had rights to discipline him.
We had problems, my son resented a new 'mum', my wife was unsure how far she could go with discipline, but we worked through those and in time my son realised that my wife was more of a mother to him than his birth mum had been, and as we progressed we turned into a family unit, and now we truly are reaping the rewards.
I have only ever had to 'slap' my son once, (aged about 6 years) not hard, just in front of his best friend when he went too far, and I did it to humiliate him.
So physical discipline has never been an issue, and I would never allow anybody except me to use any physical force on my child, but if I were a woman and had a new husband, I would expect that SHOULD the cause ever demand physical discipline, the husband should confer with the mother BEFORE any discipline was administered.
The most important element is that the birth parent fully explains WHY the new spouse is important to them as a family member, and that the new spouse fully understands that it will take time for the child or children to accept them as a father/mother to them.
It is also important to explain that no matter what the circumstances, the now absent birth parent will ALWAYS be their birth parent, and that relationship should never be discouraged unless and until the child decides that they want to change it.
Sorry, got a bit long there!
Maybe I should write this up as a hub!
If its a discipline there is nothing wrong with that, I believe 4 eyes brought a child to the world but hundreds of eyes takes charge to make a better life for the child.
That's tough. I would have to see the relationship he has with them especially if my children look more like my ex then they do me. We would also have a serious discussion and I would have to hear pertinent things that indicate that he loves my children as much as I do. There's also the matter that only a man can raise a boy to be a man. I believe that completely and therefore, he would have to explain his tactics in that regard as well. Because they are my children, I would have to monitor him until I was comfortable with it (for however long that takes).
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