For those in second relationships, do you allow your partner to discipline your

Jump to Last Post 1-14 of 14 discussions (14 posts)
  1. profile image0
    Lady_Eposted 12 years ago

    For those in second relationships, do you allow your partner to discipline your kids?

    I mean kids that you had with someone in a previous relationship.

  2. profile image33
    DatingWithSTDsposted 12 years ago

    Yes, we both disipline eachothers kids, but it has been difficult. Both her kids and mine would say "your not my mom/dad" Blened families can be very difficult.

  3. kkuma01 profile image59
    kkuma01posted 12 years ago

    My hisband does discipline OUR oldest child. But I have known him since high school, I would not have married him if I did not trust him COMPLETELY with my child. He is also friends with my child's father. They sit down and talk about how to best discipline OUR child. You don't let boyfriends or fiance's take on that role under any circumstances. You also have to be very clear about what kind of discipline is allowed. Without more information about the situation it's a hard question to answer. But the short answer for ME is yes. I do allow my husband to discipline OUR child.

  4. mkeith profile image59
    mkeithposted 12 years ago

    To answer your question directly, yes, I have twin step-sons and I discipline them on a daily basis.  And by discipline, I mean guide them to becoming better people.  On occasion I may have to get a little stern with them.

    But to answer your question indirectly, I have a daughter, too.  Thus she would be a step-daughter to my wife.  I openly invite my wife to help in disciplining her, but she primary just defers to me.

    I can't imagine being in a serious relationship, but not "allowing" your partner to help in the fostering of the children.  It seems part-and-parcel to me.

  5. profile image0
    msorenssonposted 12 years ago

    I knew that it would be challenging for me so I chose to not entertain possibilities of marriage while my son was young. If I did, yes, I probably would have allowed my husband to discipline him within reason.

  6. kenneth avery profile image79
    kenneth averyposted 12 years ago

    Up to a point and only after "I" have said my piece or sat down and talked with the kids about their transgression.

  7. GoodLady profile image93
    GoodLadyposted 12 years ago

    After you and your partner have been in a relationship for quite some time and there has been some real bonding between your partner and the children. 
    The children need to trust your partner, trust he/she has their best feelings at the heart of their matters.

  8. onegoodwoman profile image70
    onegoodwomanposted 12 years ago

    Dearest Lady E.......


    I simply can not imagine telling you how to merge different families.

    You are a worthy person and a trustworthy parent..


    I might expect that these things, would come slowly and with caution.

    Might,each parent, monitor, and give way, slowly and with an earned respect.

    May it not be a sudden impact.

    Trust, first, your own instincts above my reservations.

    This is YOUR family...............go with what you know or " sense".

    I feel sure that you will do well.

  9. jacqui2011 profile image80
    jacqui2011posted 12 years ago

    Yes, I do allow my fiance to discipline my daughter. Fortunately, they get on really well, and he will now discipline her. It was tough at first because she only ever had her dad and I before. It took several months for her to accept him and trust him. It was difficult for me too at first to listen to my partner disciplining her. It took time, but its fine now and they do respect one another. She still goes off in a strop no matter which one of us disciplines her!

  10. Dave Mathews profile image60
    Dave Mathewsposted 12 years ago

    So long as parent and partner are in aggreeance, I see nothing wrong with this.

  11. xethonxq profile image67
    xethonxqposted 12 years ago

    My partner is the biological parent of our child...I came into the picture when the child was older. Her mother does the majority of the discipline, but from time to time will consult me if she is unsure...she still doles it out after we make the decision. On a rare occasion I will step in and address some things, but that's mainly if I feel like the child (now 17 y.o.) is not responding to her mother the way she should. I never undermine her mother's decisions, but if I disagree I will talk to her about it privately and accept whatever her mother decides.

  12. aguasilver profile image73
    aguasilverposted 12 years ago

    When I married my wife, I already had an 8 year old son who had always lived with me alone, when my former wife left us, I maintained a policy of never allowing any female girlfriend to be introduced to my son, this ONLY changed when I knew that my wife to be was indeed my wife to be!

    When we married, and she took up residence with us, I knew that the priorities had changed, as the correct and Godly order is as follows:

    God
    Spouse
    Children
    Family
    Church body
    World

    If we keep to this priority of relationship, we will eventually get all things right, my experience is that if we change the 'pecking order' things go wrong.

    So from the start we all had to adjust to a new series of relationships.

    I could no longer JUST consider my son and myself.
    My wife had two additional men in her life to contend with.
    My son was no longer able to demand my full attention and had to contend with a new 'mother' who now had rights to discipline him.

    We had problems, my son resented a new 'mum', my wife was unsure how far she could go with discipline, but we worked through those and in time my son realised that my wife was more of a mother to him than his birth mum had been, and as we progressed we turned into a family unit, and now we truly are reaping the rewards.

    I have only ever had to 'slap' my son once, (aged about 6 years) not hard, just in front of his best friend when he went too far, and I did it to humiliate him.

    So physical discipline has never been an issue, and I would never allow anybody except me to use any physical force on my child, but if I were a woman and had a new husband, I would expect that SHOULD the cause ever demand physical discipline, the husband should confer with the mother BEFORE any discipline was administered.

    The most important element is that the birth parent fully explains WHY the new spouse is important to them as a family member, and that the new spouse fully understands that it will take time for the child or children to accept them as a father/mother to them.

    It is also important to explain that no matter what the circumstances, the now absent birth parent will ALWAYS be their birth parent, and that relationship should never be discouraged unless and until the child decides that they want to change it.

    Sorry, got a bit long there!

    Maybe I should write this up as a hub!

  13. pharuk temmy t profile image37
    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    If its a discipline there is nothing wrong with that, I believe 4 eyes brought a child to the world but hundreds of eyes takes charge to make a better life for the child.

  14. Hezmyjoy profile image60
    Hezmyjoyposted 12 years ago

    That's tough. I would have to see the relationship he has with them especially if my children look more like my ex then they do me. We would also have a serious discussion and I would have to hear pertinent things that indicate that he loves my children as much as I do. There's also the matter that only a man can raise a boy to be a man. I believe that completely and therefore, he would have to explain his tactics in that regard as well. Because they are my children, I would have to monitor him until I was comfortable with it (for however long that takes).

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)