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How can I be patient with my boyfriend not wanting to "officially" move in with me just yet?
My bf of over 1.5 yrs has recently begun to “live” with me, I am 27, he is 30. I own a 3 br house and often struggle to pay the bills. We share house chores and he sleeps there 7 days a week, keeping his apt. basically as “storage.” When I ask him to move in with me he keeps saying he’s not ready yet, he had lived with a girlfriend before and it didn’t work out. I like having him around, but it also annoys me seeing him waste money while I struggle to pay the for the house alone. I am feeling frustrated and I fear that I am pushing him away by bringing it up. What should I do?
Let's assume your bf doesn't have any dextermorgan-like qualities and needs to keep his apt for reasons other than for his blood slides collection.
That being said, he is probably just a little hesitant due to the fact that the first living arrangement he had with a gf didn't work. You have to remember that living together for a lot of couples is more than just sharing the bills. It's usually the big step before marriage. That puts some people in a psychological bind because they overthink things.
If I were you, I would really take a step back and ask myself: "Would I want him to move in if I had all the money in the world?"
As long as you're keeping yourself honest, and genuinely want him to live with you officially, you shouldn't feel bad about bringing it up. He is a grown man and should dignify your question with a good old fashioned adult conversation.
Hope it all works out for you!
You need to realize a couple of things. First, he isn't ready or he would be there and get rid of his apartment. He is trying to stand with a foot in each country and it does not work.
Secondly, you also have to know that he is aware of your struggling to meet expenses so he is using you and by not chipping in is allowing you to struggle which is not the act of someone who cherishes and loves you.
Don't settle. A man should cherish a woman that he loves not want to see her struggle (or a woman should cherish a man etc.) so you need to really explore if you want to spend your life with someone who would let you struggle.
My advice is to pull back and rethink the entire relationship.
Tough one. Been There, Done That...and Honesty is always the best policy!
Tell him he has to pay you something, or you are going to have to get a room mate. If this means him moving out, so be it for now.
He sounds like he is not ready to commit, and maybe he never will be.
Don't go into financial ruin over him, or any other man.
You need to bring it up. If you can't talk to him now, then you'll never be able to talk to him if he did move in, or if you married.
If he is not ready, fine...but, he has to be responsible for that decision. He has to know that you can not wait forever.
Your annoyance will soon turn into anger, and it won't end pretty.
And Be well! Good Luck!
I lived with two different guys before. I had no where else to go and I was stuck there for some time. I loved both of them, or thought I did. If I was asked to move in with another guy, even after 1.5 years, I would hesitate, because of the whole break up. I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation but tell him how you feel that he is basically living there for free while you are struggling and tell him something has to happen. Even if it means he still keeps the apartment, you feel like he should help in some way. I hope what I said helps.
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