Can There Be Any Reasons To Stay Married When One Spouse Has Been Caught Cheating?
Would you opt to save your marriage? If so, what would those reasons be for you? Why is it that some people choose to forgive a spouse even after they've been caught cheating?
I personally do not think I could forgive a spouse for cheating, but it would depend on the situation. If we had been in a loveless marriage for the past five years, I'd think the cheating would be a signal we would probably need a divorce, or at least very intense counseling that only had a small chance of actually being successful.
I just have very little tolerance for cheating in a relationship. It doesn't make the person who did it evil, but I could never look at them the same way again.
Everyone make mistakes. All of those mistakes can be forgiven. Of course, not everyone can forgive all mistakes, but all mistakes can be forgiven, by someone. Which mistakes are forgivable and which unforgivable varies from person to person. However, the important question isn't which mistakes can be forgiven, but which mistakes can be forgotten. I can forgive and forget almost everything.
As for why I would forgive, i would forgive out of love.
Everyone is entitled to have their own "deal breakers". The only reason to get married or stay married is because one wants to. You shouldn't have to explain or defend your reasons to anyone. For me personally, cheating would be a deal breaker.
I say this because I'm the type of person who goes all in when I'm in love. If the person I was with cheated in wake of that then I can't think of anything else I would I have to offer for a second time around. Your best is your best!
Now if I were a neglectful, distant/cold, inconsiderate, unaffectionate, and lacked interest in the things that make my mate/spouse happy...etc There might be a slight chance I would forgive them having accepted the fact my ignoring her needs contributed to making her ripe for an affair. Even with all of that in mind my spouse/significant other would still need to prove to me they want US to work out. I may have been wrong to ignore them but they were wrong not to end one relationship before pursuing another one.
Cheating is NOT a "mistake". A mistake is an "unintentional act". (forgetting to dot an i, cross a t, turning left when you wanted to turn right...etc) Unless "the other woman/man" looked just like you and lived in a house just like yours there is no way they had sex with them by "mistake". I'd be insulted if my mate called cheating a "mistake". - One man's opinion!
Well this is my belief, when I say my belief it is what I believe and does not matter what others think (any more). I believe Jesus died on the cross out of true love and when he died it was for the remission of our sins. Time and time when we cheat on God he forgives and forgives and forgives. So who am I to treat my spouse who I am 1 with any different. God is real love and if we proclaim Christ and are true Christians I job is to love as he loves and forgive. He is an awesome God and I have forgiven because he has first forgiven me. Many people may not see it that way. That is a choice. Our job is to love one another into salvation and real love is sacrificial, giving up of ones self!
Many people do it because they have children or their finances are so entangled that it would cost too much money to divorce. Others stay married because they truly believe it was a one time thing and their partner will never do it again.
What has always been mysterious to me is why people stay with serial cheaters when they can very easily leave the situation. I can imagine forgiving my partner for doing it once. But then staying after a second round of cheating? I believe many people are so dependent on their partners that they can't imagine coping as a single person. And some people suffer from such low confidence that they don't think anyone else will want them. To me, that is very sad.
What is "cheating"? I assume you mean if one partner slept with someone outside the relationship. What if that was part of the nuptial or a subsequent agreement, that it was ok? Is it cheating then?
There are lots of what are called "open" marriages. Consider the ones where one partner knew from the beginning they weren't that interested in sex, and basically gives the other permission to go for it, as long as they foster a child from the partnership first. Or where one partner realizes after their marriage that they are gay. Rather than break up, they decide to stay together for the kids' sake, as long as both are discrete about whatever develops outside the partnership.
And since you didn't define it, could cheating be considered breaking any part of an agreement or understanding you had when marrying? Like maybe the partnership was for convenience, rather than a sexual one, and the partner lost a job and never really tried to find another. Wouldn't that be considered cheating too?
Everyone makes mistakes. Cheating once, is one thing, for a long time is another. You can always try to work it out, especially if you have children together. It is better for a child to have both parents. I have forgiven my ex's for cheating on me one time each, after that, they hit the road. They only did it once though. We broke up for other reasons, we did not have children. If we did I would have tried to work it out, even though they hurt me. I have lived in a broken home, it is horrible. If it happened on a drunk night out with friends, that might be forgivable. But behind your back with a whole different relationship for a while that is not really forgivable.
I would opt to save the marriage if possible. My parents were divorced when I was four years old and although it was a "good" divorce, clean, non-confrontational in front of the kids or whatever you want to call it, it still scarred both me and my brother for life. So for the kids is definitely one reason.
Frankly, the dissolution of a marriage is unavoidable in some circumstances. Sometimes one spouse is just abusive. I don't just mean physically, there's also emotionally, by philandering continuously (even though they may be 'nice' people) or in other ways. But if it can be worked out, if both people see any value in the marriage, then it should be worked out. And that would be a good reason to forgive the other if they cheated. Forgiveness is not always something you do for yourself, sometimes you do it on behalf of others. And that doesn't mean forget and act like nothing happened. Nothing is ever the same. But sometimes you can forge something stronger and better out of such pain.
I would stay for my child's sake but would be painful to have to go through such an experience. I would not forgive my partner those who do want to move on.
by COCOBEWARE6 years ago
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